You know what hurts me?

You know what hurts me?

It hurts me, knowing that I can't help my parents financially even I need their help,still, as I am still studying.

You know what hurts me?

When I know that they have to sacrifice a lot of things for the beloved children like us.

You know what hurts me?

When they go out to work as early as 6 am for a cent and come back home sometimes late at night, all for the sake of our family. 

You know what hurts me?

When I know they are aging, sometimes they feel tired, their bodies cannot tolerate hard work like they used too.

You know what hurts me?

When I can't do anything but only pray for them, for their good health and rezeki. 

Oh, Mak and abah,

Nurul minta maaf kadang- kadang Nurul ni macam- macam, tak pernah terfikir akan kesusahan mak dan abah lalui untuk membesarkan kami adik beradik.Nurul kadang- kadang pentingkan diri, tak study betul2, padahal itu yang patut Nurul buat. Nurul minta maaf. Ampunkan Nurul. Nurul janji Nurul akan berusaha bersungguh- sungguh lagi 4 bulan untuk menjadi doktor yang berjaya, nak balas jasa mak dengan abah, and nak tolong adik- adik. That what I should do so long ago, as a big sister. :(

Happy birthday to me:)

5 minutes post prior to sleep. Go.

Happy belated birthday to me. 

And to all of you, my birthday was on 31 August if you may know. Well, one year is added to my age, which gives a total of 24 years old I've been living in this life.
Age and maturity is not related.

Don't say that if you are older, so you gotta be matured enough in handling things and don't say that you are still young, you are immature to most of things.

As for me, I think I am still not in a fully matured 24 years old lady yet. Hee :P.

 Actually, I'm improving myself to be a full matured lady, because soon enough I have a lot more responsibilites comin up and waiting for me; responsibilities as a wife, as a doctor and insyaAllah as a mother and most importantly as a muslimah.

And hence, I did try my best to accomplish this mission of being matured in so many ways.

And I know sometimes I stumble, forget my missions, and lost with the impermanant life of world we are staying.

Hey, Nurul Fitrilina, happy birthday :)

Okay, time's up. Add up another 5 minutes, I've got lot to say, still. :P


And anyhow, about my current updates, I just sent off my sister at KLIA to Jakarta to pursue her study in medicine. Best of luck sister. You can do it. Be a good muslimah doctor insyaAllah, and we can open up a branch of clinic later together insyaAllah amin amin. :)

From left: Me, Adik Wa (my 3rd sister), Ina (2nd sister). :) Love them so much!

To my surprise, I met with Mr. Razib, Miss Suriany and Madam Ozie, who were my former lecturers in KTT, a place where I did my A level. So glad to seem them.:")

With Mr Razib, my math lecturer :)

Last but not least, I've watched CHENNAI EXPRESS, thanks to him :") As always, SRK is always adorable :)

Okay gotta stop. It's about time.

Pray for me, currently I am in MEDICINE posting, which is one of the important posting, in which a great amount of marks will be carried forward for final exams, P2S2. May Allah bless :)

My endless love

Now I know the feeling.
True to what they said.
Once your status has changed, your heart will be as soft and sensitive as cotton.
It's great knowing the fact that you gonna have your own family tree very soon, but my heart aches even worse when knowing that this family tree will soon be changed with 2 extra members.
Yes, it's good n simply best having extra members but afterwards,
 u can no longer act like a child,
doing things like nobody cares,
 because there is someone you should take care of.

To mak, abah and my siblings, for whatever happen after this, I hope we can still have this family picture like this again like always. :)


 from, Me, who misses you guys a lot.

Mirrors

I know I have mentioned about this: There are two things that made me so easily shed my tears off. You and my family. And it's obviously, undeniably true. Even a single little thing, don't even relate to me, I will cry or maybe the least is, my eyes get just watery a bit. It hurts you know when something wanders your heart but you are not able to let out to others as it is about your family. Even worse is, when you can't tell your family about what you've been feeling as you don't want to hurt them or you want to burden them.

One solution now is, let me put a distance a bit from them, because I know, hearing their voice is just enough to make me cry. I don't want them to know. I really don't want them to know. Then, tak balik it is. Stuck here then, it's okayy fit.. you are strong enough for this :')

#np Mirrors- Justin Timberlake

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallell on the other side


Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


Aren't you somethin', an original, cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you, you reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time


Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


You are you are the love of my life


Baby you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are


You are you are the love of my life

Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do

You are you are the love of my life

Internal Medicine. PCM is not paracetamol by the way.

As- salam.

Yes, I knew, I got something to tell. During the last weekend I went back home. Yes, back home means Kedah of course. I knew it was just a short short weekend but I couldn't help it, I miss them so much. Alhamdullilah terlepas rindu dah :) walaupun x smpt jumpa najwa. She went back to Intec a bit early as she was still in exam mode, final exam for A level before she will be flying to Yindia. I mean Manipal, the place that holds a lot of memories , as for me and for my other friends too :")

Being back in Malacca means I am now entering a new posting which is Internal Medicine (PCM- Primary health care). I have been in the posting for 2 days already in KK Merlimau. What can I say so far. I kinda like this posting. Because later when I am going to be MO, I'm thinking about specialising in intenal medicine, since my job hours are like office hours. I am a lazy type person hehehe, so being from 8am to 5pm is kinda good things for me, plus, this posting really about a tiny bits of here and there, which means that, it comprises all of other subjects too. :) And this is really suitable for me, because I am a person who easily forgets about things that I am not focused on. Like for example if I specialise in Paediatrics, I will forget everything about orthopaedic, that's my bad and worse side of me. So being in internal medicine, actually, I will and should know about all the subjects which is good for me. and plus point is that, I will have extra time with my family. =) *cewahh dah berangan seyhhhh leklu* InsyaAllah, this will be one of my choice later :)

I hope that I can learn a lot of things in this posting, and can do the procedures and be good with that, so it will make my life easier later as a HO. InsyaAllah :)

Hello. ;)

Hey you.

I kinda miss you.

:").

El- Familia

Alhamduliilah, during the weekend, my whole family has come and visited me, here in Malacca. :)
I didn't know how to explain the feelings, but I was so happy! (^_^) With my mak, abah, sistas, and bros around felt so complete ;). And he were there too. Anak emas mak dengan abah, nak buat camana. :P. Here  are some pictures of us:

Coffee, my favourite ;)

gegar sikit. :D

myself ;)

adik, ina, adam

abah, ma, wa

talking to whom, ha abah? :D

and finally, us ;)

And just want to update, I watched The Amazing Spiderman today. And yes, it was the best compared to previous spiderman, as for me! <3<3<3. Plus, it holds some meaning to me too. Ehem! :) .

Part shy shy cat which was so cute! :)

Bench scene, the part which they talked. (sorry can't find other image,  this was what came out when I googled about bench part. ;p)

And some other more. ;)


Gotta go. Homework! :)

Good bye Games.

There it goes. Today, I summarized all the games that I have participated for the Manipal Unity Cup under the team FIRE, 'as hell'. ( I just added up the 'as hell' part.;p) Almost all the games for female I participated, hahaha, tak malu kan? Hmm, but that's just me. I just love sports even, I am not that good in playing all those games like:

• netball
• basketball
• handball
• volleyball

Yes, not good, not good. Seriously, among all the games, I just don't have one particular game that I mastered. But, you know what, I LOVE playing volleyball, sangat sangat. :") But for today, I just played 3/4 of the first set. Okay la kan, dapat jugak melepaskan rindu. I just hope that, one day, I can play volleyball again, not for the match, but just random games like that. :)

And for the updates, tomorrow, I will be starting my new posting which is OPHTHALMOLOGY, the study of eyes, big eyes, small eyes, sepet sepet eyes like you know who you are, and scary scary eyes. I just hope everything just goes well. 

And today, the first letter was delivered. First one. It's been a while, but yes, this was the first letter. Nak kumpul banyak- banyak, buat kenangan. <3.

If I miss them, this is the corner. Both the pictures and the plastic tree <3

I'm sorry for all the burdens

I blink and blink. I look here and there, up and down. I peep through my red money bag ( the purse actually) . It is as thin as the morning air. I am so desperate. I don't know where to turn to. I really don't want to burden them, really don't. How can I survive for that long, nearly two months? Everytime I called them, listening to their voices and what they do everyday, wake up as early as 6 am, making the way to the morning market for abah, selling goods for the mothers to cook, each pack of onions equals to about RM2 and mak drove her car to school, never tired of teaching small kids, learning how to add, minus, multiply and divide. Not much money they can make, but enough to raise us all five up till now.

How can I call them and ask for money this time? They spent for me a lot, I don't have the strengths to burden them anymore, I really can't. Even to pay all the moneys they have spent for me isn't enough. Yes, I am born to a middle class family, just enough to live, not much money for luxury, but Alhamdulillah, I still appreciate it. Thank you, Allah. :")

Maybe, there will be someway waiting for me ahead. Maybe. Still, I don't want to burden them for me, no more. Let's launch diet! Maybe this is my way to be skinny. :)

Hari Abah Sedunia. :)

Happy Father's Day, abah. :)

I will always love u. :)

...

sungguh, Ya Allah.

Aku kecewa. Kecewa sebab aku tak dapat buat apa-apa.

Kecewa sebab aku tidak punya kuasa untuk berkata.

Andai aku kata, semua sia-sia, tidak diambil pusing, dibiarkan jauh di sudut lain.

Kau tak pernah kisah, tentang aku, tentang insan yang sedarah daging denganmu

Kau asyik dengan cinta, sayang kau pada masa yang tidak tepat,

Kau lupa pada pengorbanan dan perjuangan insan yang bawa kau ke alam ni,

Kau leka, leka dan terus leka, walhal masa terus berputar.

Saat ini, hati aku dah penat untuk terus berkata-kata nasihat,

Aku sudah patah hati sepatahnya,

Buatlah apa yang kau rasa baik, kau rasa elok.

Kau rasa yang boleh menghidupkan kau lagi 50 tahun depan.

Aku akan terus diam, bukan sebab aku benci,

Tapi sebab aku kecewa, dan sudah pasrah.

Maafkan aku, andai aku bukan kakak yang baik untukmu.

Yang ikhlas,

Kakakmu yang terus sayangkan mu. 

Baby?

It seems that this ground floor will be filled up by new juniors. Yeah, tak la sunyi sangat time weekend kan. Hee:) What I mean by junior, is yeah our junior, Batch 25, they are actually the same batch as us, but, the are in the different batch. Welcome to the house of MMMC. Just come here, and feel it by yourselves. Don't trust everything seniors said, because sometimes they just overrated. :p.

By the way, today, it didn't seem smooth like yesterday. Quite disappointed with myself actually, because I expected I could become at least better than yesterday already:( Never mind, I just try for the best. T_T

I watched HOUSE again today. Yeah, kinda my routine these days, all because of Lina's fault for giving me the series, up to seventh season. Hihi, sorry Lina, it is actually my fault for finding you up to 4th floor just to get the series. :). Every episode seems to give me a lot of lesson, maybe, and for the episode 13 season 5 today, it was about how a busy doctor, a administrator of Princeton Hospital managed herself with busy life and her adopted small little baby at the same time. It is actually quite difficult, it needs a lot of patience and courage to bear through all those difficulties, messed life, and smelly house because the baby will keep on pooping. If you know what I mean. ;) Pampers here and there, crying is child's best friend, and plus, you gonna have to wake up early in the morning if in case the baby cries all of a sudden and you just have to prepare for the baby's milk. Sounds horrible and messy right? But, that's how I am going to face later in life. Because I know, being a doctor isn't like any other profession in which you have plenty of times with your family, lots of holidays to spend together, just list all the places you wish to go and furthermore, doctor doesn't work like an office hour, and if it does, you have to work the whole office hours plus the additional hours( additional hours here mean on-call). Ohhh, just have to prepare my mind, mentally and physically to accept this fact of torturing life which I'm surely gonna face.

But hey, who said that it is so bad? Who said that being doctor is too bad? You don't have time with your family? Yeah maybe that's definitely true, but in a positive side to think about it is that, the less hour you spend with your family, the more you gonna miss your family much, and it strengthens the relationship you know. Because some say that, if you are in a distance away from your loved ones( distance here can be in time, in kilometres and whatsoever that comes in your mind at this time), your love gonna get bloomed and it gives you the chance to miss them, doesn't it seem cute and sweet? :) *I'm actually trying to convince myself here, okay, ;p*

But, just come hell or high water, just come the torturing life or annoying cries of the babies, I wouldn't mind, because I know when I am in that position myself, having to take care of my husband and my babies, things will gonna change. Having babies and family is just a wonderful thing in life, yeah I know I do not experience it myself yet, but I have had the examples from my root family: my abah, mak and sisters with brothers. It's actually pretty sweet and cool you know, when the gathering time comes after so long everyone had busy life before, that gathering time is the time in which you know that, you love them a lot and you will appreciate the time a lot. :)

So, to my future hubby, just don't worry. We will try to make it as best as we can okay, just have faith in each other. Maybe, life will be a little bit tougher at the beginning, but we just have to cross the hurdles, and just remember good things that awaits us in future. insyaAllah, we have faith in Him too, Amin:)

lame.

okay. I have like half an hour to blog. Noted. Hehe. Yeah, gotta divide time wisely now. Tak boleh main- main dah kan. today is friday which means tomorrow is a holiday which means I am free to wake up late which means I just forget that I have driving class which again makes me realize that I can't wake up late! Argh lame! Demit. Huhhhh takpe.. Orang cakap, kalau bangun awal, rezeki senang nak masuk. and truth is I am not sure about the possibility of it to be correct. Haha! Biasa lah, ayat- ayat orang tua. ;)

one thing I just realized. I can't stay in my room alone. I mean like, I really don't like staying in a room alone without a roommate. yeah, tak biasa. :(. rasa sunyi sangat. because even in my house I stay in a room with my other two little sisters, except that if I wanted privacy then they will understand then they will automatically went out from the room for a while. Then when I was in a boarding school, I stayed in a room with the other three roommates and again in KTT, I stayed with my friend Dayah. To prove that I really prefer to stay with somebody else in a room, then again in Manipal, I stayed in the master bedroom with Izzati. See? now I am all alone. Even during the night if I am gonna sleep, I have to switch the lamp on because I am scared of sleeping alone. :(. Missing my little sisters suddenly. T_T


Okay dahhh enough. Now I want to have my dinner. Mee Sedap. Instant again. Sorry. >.<. Hee, happy dinner!


P/s: Jersey batch dah dapat. Yeay!! ;)

Don't be sad. Just remember whatever happens, there must be good things lie behind, we never realize it somehow. :")

Untuk kamu kamu yang tengah down dan sedih macam saya:(

Mari kita senyum, Allah dah aturkan semuanya:)

now it is raining heavily outside:)

birthday mak.

Happy Birthday, Mak. I love you so much!!! You are the best mother on Earth. :))). I'm proud to be your daughter. May Allah s.w.t bless u.

MOGA DIBERKATI UMUR DAN DIMURAHKAN REZEKI.

Mak dan abah:)

Second of all, I finally finished my 3 hours of practical. At last, the car is moving. :P

Third of all,  I just found this video. Interesting. Paris, Je T'aime.:) 
 

That's all. 

Notes:

"I didn't mean to make you annoyed with me,

I didn't mean to prevent you from doing what you like

I am not mean like that:(

I didn't mean to force you

But, I just wanna let you know that I care for you way too much

I just can't see if you are hurting

I can't resist seeing the pain in your eyes

Please understand that, love

But, whatever it is, I know I am nobody yet to you

I can't ask you to follow my wish

I can't I really can't

Your decision is yours truly not me

One last sentence, please take care of yourself if you don't want to see my eyes leak again like 

now.

Ya Allah, Engkau Yang Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Penyayang.

Tabahkan hati kami, kuatkan semangat kami, redha lah jiwa ini untuk menerima apa jua dugaan buat kami

Supaya kami sentiasa bersyukur dan masih yakin apa pun yang terjadi ada hikmahnya. 

Amin.

update. not much

the driver last nite. my cuzzie. thanks dear. :)

drinks that woke us up along the journey from kedah.

bosan bosan.

 Thanks to my cousun. finally she sent me safely to the college back. 1200am on the dot that time. then she continued her journey to her place, Kluang, Johor. By 230am, she arrived there. Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, today's event. windmill. celebrating epah's 22nd birthday. my usrah-mate. happy birthday dear. =) *sorry, the whole pictures are with Kak Mehy, my other usrah-mate. =)

grilled chicken and fish at windmill melaka.

notice the drink? ;)

:(

sedih. they went back already. :(. but many good things happened too:). Thanks to mak and abah for willingly came and visited me. Thanks to my adik-adik too. They cheered up my busy daysss. :").. Enough of 'tuang' kelas as mak and abah usually said. ;p.. focus in my study! nak abeh belajar cepat- cepat!! =))))

By the way I forgot to update that we are already in the month of December. How time flies so fast. I am at the end of 22 already, about to become 23. But, I know and I realise that I am not yet a good, perfect, smart, hardworking adult. Yeah, ADULT. That's my middle name now. Jangan tak percaya. =P. Anyway, as before, I usually made a list of wishes that I hope they become true. Same like this year. Lots of things and wishes encircle my mind, but I think I will not yet reveal the wishes. Maybe the right time will come and that time maybe I will update about those wishes later. =).

Audry is still the same. No improvement. =.=.

Thanks to him too for willingly joined the club. Sorry for any troubles during our journey together. :). And just want to let you know that you look pretty much coooll while driving. ;))

Good bye for now. :).

video ni takde kaitan dengan post di atas. it is just that, i love the song. =). untuk kamu.

sarcastism.

Well, salam and hello all! :)) Can see the smiling face next to what I have written? Yeah, it is kinda fake actually. :(. I just finished my long case end posting examination early morning today. Not much to comment, yeah Dr. Sachi, as the name suggest, he is kinda sarcastic to what he says and to what he acts. Anyway, he's a lot better than one other Surgery lecturer( name cannot be mentioned) who is labelled to be the most SCARIEST doctor on Earth. Yelling and chasing the students out of the class is just sooo him. I am so gonna face him very soon, well not so soon because surgery is my last posting. Can you imagine the expectations he is going to have on us since we are the last groups? Life is tough man. :(. Being a medical student is not as honeymoon as other courses. A lot of things to be learnt, to be read, to be practised and to be memorised.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT. Layman proverb that we use but sometimes we take that for granted, aren't we? We think we've done well but actually a lot more to be gained without simply sitting on a comfort chair while youtubing or facebooking. I am talking about myself. Maybe the way Dr. Sachi got mad with us just was kinda over-the-limit, since the questions he asked ALL were about the management but we know NOTHING about that because we think that managements are supposed to be covered by the seniors, not the freshie/ juniors/ new learners like us. Yeah, he was not supposed to get mad like that, but maybe at the positive side, it was our fault too, for NOT trying to read about the management thoroughly. It's like a lesson to me. Don't stop reading. Because new knowledge is not only by seeing or practising but it also comes with reading, reading and reading non-stop. Theory, something that we need to polish more, because without it, we can't afford to perform the examinations if we don't have any idea about the theory overlying the diseases. Okay. Fit, please, learn a lesson.:)) . Obstetrician in wish list, remember?:) The next posting is MEDICINE and hopefully I will try to improve on this. Good luck! :)

Next chapter: It's only one day and I miss them already. :(. Dear loves, please pray for my success. Love u all a lot. :).

tiga gadis yang tak berapa nak ayu. hihi

dua jejaka mata sepet.:D*anak abah la ni mata sepet*;p

ma, abah,adik aliff yang nak boot baru utk birthday*thinking about jpa if I were to give him the gift. :O

I keep on laughing because of these tiga budak gila gila .

adam, muka nak edit aje, nak amekau kak own tak edit hahahhaah.

I love them. so mucho much mucho. ( the pot belly is to be included if I meant the first sentence. )

Next next chapter: I've been bullied. By a big rounded like, pot belly creature. =p.. Boo!! Whatever it is, always and always, I would like to say "warong kap"..(^_^)

I don't mind if u have pot belly. Ily as always. *tutup muka malu*=p

someone like you~ *unrelated*

It hurts when you wish you can play at least for 5 minutes in the court but it ended up that you didn't get even a chance to do that. :(. I know I am not good enough to play well, but at least, I tried. When this kinda thing happened, seriously, I don't feel like playing for more. Yeah, I am serious. Main suka-suka dalam kolej lagi best. :").. YKWYA told me something which undeniably true.

"experience doesn't always come when u are in the court, even if u only sit on the bench watching the game being played,u r good enuf."

But, I can't continue it anymore. I am sorry my dear.:"(

But, alhamdullilah, after all the things that happened yesterday, I managed to meet my lovely sista, Nurul Najwa Mustapa who came by to Kompleks Sukan, UITM just to see me. Aww.. She's so cute. She came together with her two friends, bringing some spaghetti that she cooked by herself. *rasa macam nak nangis je taw*.. Thanks wawa.. Love u so much!!! =)))).

sayang kamu adik~ :)

Okay, gotta leave now. tonnes of pages are waiting for me to be read. Salam peeps.:)

Saya sayang sampai saya nangis.

Napa hati aku terlalu fragile kadang-kadang? Sometimes, I can't even stand to feel brave enough to face the realities, n to make things even worse, I will start crying thinking that life is so unfair. There are three things that makes me cry even I try to hold for a while:

a) Mak dan abah
b) Adik-adik \
c)Dia( you know who you are)

Even it's a happiest things on earth happen, I do cry sometimes because of them. I know one explanation for this.

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, ONLY ALLAH KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM. 

**Maafkan kak own ma, andai kata-kata nurul pernah melukai mak. Nurul terlalu sayang pada mak. Andai Tuhan izinkan, nurul sanggup korbankan nyawa nurul demi mak. :")**