Exam politic?

Salam. Just want to update a little, I have finished my end posting examination just left the case power point presentation. Hmm, I was a bit afraid actually because early in the morning, I felt a bit lethargic, tired and there was one episode of vomiting, but nothing came out. It hurts me so much, I couldn't even flip a page in the morning before going for exam in the MGH. This was really a tawakal for me ..:") During the case presentation, I was paired up with the Fara, my groupmate. We started finding the case from Ward 4, however, no good cases were seen. Mostly all because of fractures and have already on fixators. ( It will made hard for us to examine). Then we went to one ward below, there was one case of osteoarthrosis, with kind of a good I may say, plus the Chinese uncle looked very cooperative. On inspection what I noticed, there was swelling seen on the anterior part of right knee, however, he had undergone TKR (Total Knee Replacement) on the left side. We tried to get the history, fara and I alternately asked, and during the time, I was feeling giddeness, and I had this headache. My eyes were wide, searching for a chair at least to sit, but around the nice uncle, the chair was occupied. Then I had to sit just on the floor, squatting to be precise. Then I felt a bit better. Korek and korek to get the history, it turned out that this uncle have come for exam for manipal student many time previously. I tried to ask for symptoms OA but he never mentioned it, yeah it was true he said he's having knee pain but, that was only right after I asked him thou. He kept on saying doctors said he was having infections in the bone. I was a bit confused, and with the unwell state of me, I looked at Fara, then we decided to find other cases because for now, even the examination findings were perfect, but I couldn't dig so much yet, the history. Then, to simplify, we clerked a case of diabetic foot ulcer, a Malay lady, who is also nice and cooperative. The same feelings came to me,, the unwell part then I just squatted asking the permission from the lady. Eventually, Dr. Sendeep came to take our exam, which supposed to be Dr. Nirmal. I presented the history, while Fara presented the examination findings. I couldn't bear with  the smell and maybe at any time I may throw up, better asked her, rather than I closed my nose, it looked inappropriate. And yeah he asked us questions unrelated to DFU, only a little bit about management he did asked. He asked more on Physiology, Anatomy and Microbiology which I had read 4 years back. T_T. Just hope that the results will come out just fine ;)


And one more thing I'm gonna touch today. I rarely speak about politics in my blog, I think never for what I remember, but today I'm gonna speak up a bit. I knew, I seldom read about politics, don't even care to register for voting ( realised when it has closed, couldn't register, too late;p), I knew very very little about politics, even you can ask him how he laughed at me, when I didn't know what's the difference between so called 'parlimen' and 'dun' one time and when I had misinterpretation on usage of ink on the nail. I knew all of that, but, thinking that I didn't know anything I sometimes, just follow and see what's going on, about the issues they've been talking and all. YES, I know that when we talked about PR, we are definitely not going to say PAS and PKR only, so we included the DAP too, they are Malaysians too. What I knew most of Malaysians currently want to diminish all the corruptions in the government, all of us want that. But, as a Muslim, what I really want to, and of course other Muslims too, we want the leaders who can apply all those Islamic rules and lead Malaysia in a Islamic manner, with no corruptions and better nations.

"TGNA should have long back retired, what our Tun M has done, he was too old for that, and let new faces lead the Kelantan."
Maybe the statement is correct at one angle, yes, let the new faces lead Kelantan, but don't you know that Kelantanese were so sad for the retirement of TGNA? They were so so sad. And they deserved too. They are Kelantanese. TGNA has become MB of Kelantan for about 22 years. They live in Kelantan. So they are well aware of that, VERY WELL AWARE of that. And plus, it shows that TGNA has leaded Kelantan in a very good way, they feel sad for the retirement.

Don't simply make a statement about something but you don't actually in their shoes. Yes, you may have your rights to say, your proofs, but still, you are not in the people shoes. Even those who are in the shoes they have other opinions, they are more deserved.

I am attracted to another statement.

"Even Rasulullah s.a.w becomes a leader till the end of his life." Yes, true. I agree with that. Maybe, he was too old for the post previously before the retirement, but as long as he think he could lead the state without any problems, ( and yes, not much of a problems it seems), that's why maybe he decided to continue. Then when he thought of letting other new faces to lead, he retired. :) It is as easy as that.

I am not trying to pro or anti any parties. But, just think. An ulama like that, with new generations, leading our country one day, with Allah's help, insyaAllah Islam will rise again. :) Don't raise any issues on racism or anything. You may think that when other races are on top one day, they may displace Malay's speciality slowly. But, think in a bright side, Allah itu ada. Allah maha melihat. A country with a ulama leader, insyaAllah will make ease by Allah :) Amin. 

A hard day.

I just finished my medicine clinical end posting exam, not the MCQs and MEQs part yet, with Dr. Lakshmi. She's cool, pretty great and one of the best doctors. But, I screwed up the exams this morning. ::(. I've never 'about to burst' but this time around, it happened. It wasn't a hard case, just a patient came with breathlessness which I correctly pointed out the diagnosis as acute exacerbation of bronchial asthma. But then, still, there were many things that she didn't satisfy. I didn't know why. Maybe I left some findings that I supposed to know. Luckily the patient was cooperative, and answered all my questions very well. Because I kept everything in my heart, just listened to her rising her voice, at the end of the examination, my voice started to slow down and change a bit when I answered her question about investigations. I could answer but because of the voice, it looked all unclear. Then, I tried to convince myself just to hold on and be strong because the exam was about to end already. Be grateful that the patient was cooperative enough, compared to other patients who were usually looked down to medical students. That is it. That's my day today. I wanted to share it with my parents to but I couldn't tell them since I didn't want them to feel pity for me. Maybe I shouldn't blame Dr. Lakshmi for that. Maybe it was my fault too. Be strong fit, be strong. :")

:(

I don't know how to explain.

I am NO good.

I am NO special.

I am an ORDINARY girl who always tend to do thousands of mistakes.

Sometimes I have uncontrolled EMOTIONS which goes in favour with SADNESS even for small

little things.

And sometimes, I feel GUILTY for always making you WORRIED and SAD.

You are NICER than typical me. 

I am NO great. Screw me. Screw me.

:(

I am sorry. I know I have hurt u, I know I make u sad, please forgive me.

Thousands time I keep saying: I am hurt when you are hurt. I REALLY mean this.

Hopefully, you will get well soon. I love you.

Gonna have my end posting exam tomorrow. I hope I can focus well, insyaAllah.

Goodbye for now. Salam. :(

I am sorry. I can't resist the tears that keep falling.

blood-stained vomitus? duh, no la. =)

Vomiting. Vomiting. Vomiting.

It's been a long time since I last remembered that I was so sick, sick in term of having fever kinda stuff. Urghh. The feeling

of vomiting wasn't a pleasure at all, yeah just imagine that you could see the contents coming out from your mouth with

an unpleasant smell. Duh~ Just close your eyes and imagine. T_T.

By the way, tomorrow, I am going to sit for end posting exam, continuation of today's exam.

Today's exam was kinda okay, even I could not read up much about the DSM IV Classifications about different types of

diagnosis in Psychiatry disorder.

Hopefully, tomorrow's exam will be just fine too.
 

Last but not least, GOOD LUCK TO all too. Strive for excellence! Chayok! =))))

Saya sayang sampai saya nangis.

Napa hati aku terlalu fragile kadang-kadang? Sometimes, I can't even stand to feel brave enough to face the realities, n to make things even worse, I will start crying thinking that life is so unfair. There are three things that makes me cry even I try to hold for a while:

a) Mak dan abah
b) Adik-adik \
c)Dia( you know who you are)

Even it's a happiest things on earth happen, I do cry sometimes because of them. I know one explanation for this.

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, ONLY ALLAH KNOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM. 

**Maafkan kak own ma, andai kata-kata nurul pernah melukai mak. Nurul terlalu sayang pada mak. Andai Tuhan izinkan, nurul sanggup korbankan nyawa nurul demi mak. :")**

What are words.

Salaam. Rainy day today, is it? Yeah, well since I love raining, it does give me comfort and joy. I can play in the rain, cry in the rain so that nobody can see and get wet in the rain because I have to travel from food court to reach Ajay Arcade without raincoat. =.=. Serves me right. Pemalas sangat nak pakai raincoat. Teeheee. ;)).. Watching over the rain makes me smile somehow even before that my heart had this kind of so called crushing pain. Have you heard about it? Let me tell you. It's one kind of a pain in which it hurts you so much without reasons. It is actually more of disappointment and sadness when you think it isn't worth to have this pain because you have to remember that everything happens for a reason. Yeah, I repeat, everything happens for a reason, why I didn't come to class this morning, why A happened and why B occurred. All in sequences I would say. Perfect timing.

Why should I over-disappointed about something that have been explained why A did that, why B said that? It's because I unfortunately own this fragile little heart that simply hurts when things went wrong even they were only simple things. so SIMPLE that I should just let it go. :(

But fortunately I am not that kind who extend the sadness over a long period of time. Now I am okay, not totally but okay. :)

Peace!

:(

Mak, abah, all of sudden I miss you both. I miss you both a lot :(

layman.

I know I am not a good human being. I am not noble, not even great person. I am a common somebody who don't have anything to be proud of so far. I have a typical daily routine that I follow that have nothing to be satisfied about. Sometimes I talk about others behind, sometimes I say bad things, sometimes I am so not grateful of what I already have. I am me.

Even in studies, most of the time I sigh a lot, I comment about the hectic medical student life, I comment about the lecturers even I know I am not supposed to do so.:( My mom once said to me:
"Kak, cikgu ni pekerjaan paling mulia. Apa pun yang kadang-kadang depa buat, macam terpukul, termarah, tertinggi suara, depa buat untuk kebaikan anak-anak didik dia. Sebab depa ada mission. Nak semua students depa cemerlang dan jadi orang berguna masa depan." Those times, I didn't appreciate of all what she said. Even now, sometimes I do comment about lecturers, I get mad to the lecturers. Owh, how bad I am.:( And thankful to Him, I still have the thought that what I did was wrong. I have the thought that I want to change the part that I suppose to change about myself. I wish to not even sigh in studies when it comes to thousands of works to be done esp. in this medical field because I realise that life is still long. There are millions of obstacles are waiting along the journey. Life will never be the same. Later, I will get MBBS degree
( insyaALLAH) and that time, the responsibilities will be even more like hard time during work, etc.Hopefully, I don't treat the responsibilities as some kind of burden. Hopefully.

Then, in relationship, I shall say, I am not a perfect-noble-great woman in terms of qualities. I easily get jealous, tend to have bad thoughts when I keep thinking about futures and etc. Especially the jealousy part, I can't help it. I am so jealous even a little thing. I know, sometimes I have to be matured enough and be professional. But, yeah, things happen and we just can't help it.:(  maybe after this, I'll try my best to be as professional as I should be. =.=.  Maybe this time, tolerate and understanding between both is important. Don't worry, I will try my best.:)

All in all, I know maybe people may say back to me: Nobody is perfect, accept of who you are. I agree with that, but from some points I hope all my negative thoughts will revert to positive someday. All of these are for my own good and people around me. By the way, just so you know, I love you all and will always do. :)

You have the right, too.

Heart. It may looks dull and lame, but this heart holds thousands of stories if you ever dare to feel it.:)

Have you ever thought that people don't actually believe in what you do? They simply put you aside thinking that you aren't able to do complex things, but they do. I am nobody to point to anybody anyway. Just want to speak in random. As what I've written in previous post, people are born with different abilities and talents. Just want to add some more, some of the abilities are worldwide and too general. All of us, have that ability like for example, leadership. Please don't think that only you have that leadership quality but others don't. Please avoid being too selfish. We live in a freedom world. There are too many things others can do, just let others to do, don't conquer it to yourself. :)

And plus, one more thing I want to state here. I don't understand why the effing hell some people don't bother about others ideas and opinions. Each and every one of us has the right to say what they think. If you reject others' idea some other day, others may reject yours too. Serves you right, then. Pedas tak? I am so sorry. Extra chillies today. LOL.

By the way, this evening my Malay batchmates had a video shooting at ICHS. This was all for the sake of the so-called Liqa' Mahabbah to welcome the juniors of batch 28( ohh not to forget, we are the super senior batch which is batch 24.:) Mine was not done yet, because the prop is still not there. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe, this one might be forgotten as well.

Here are some pictures during the shooting session.:)

tasnim, daz and ijan

Wawan dan Zaty. Prince and Princess.

Some of the 24's heroes. :)

Alolo mereka. sweet sangat. hee.

Ladies.:)

Hasil kerja tangan hasmira. Dipegang oleh Edi amon.

fly me.

Why they don't treat me well?
Once, they said, " You are sweet, beautiful, special," but at the end of the day, they said something totally opposite.
I miss mama, abah, n my sistas brothas. I miss them.
Fly me to them.
Pretty please..... :'(

A latent burst.

When I feel like screaming, I can't really do that now. Some people say, it is not so nice to do that actually, but who hell cares?? *kasar sikit, maaf* I don't really have idea what's in my mind at this time, I feel unease, I feel something disturbing me, and I feel like I am pretending to be someone else now. Mental-depression. I badly want to go home now, seriously. But, still, patience is still there deep in my heart. Yeah, maybe physically I look okay to people's around, but to be honest, at this point of time, something lingering in my mind for the past few weeks that remains unsolved.

T.E.N.S.I.O.N- lah.

I don't ask u to please me, I don't need you to tell me what should I do what should I avoid, cause it is my own bussiness and my problem. Yeah, maybe your opinion is extremely important for some times, but for this case, I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET INVOLVED.
ada, paham, eyh?

You do something as if you are the greatest human being on EARTH.
You put aside this lame statement that suppose to be true all the times.

PEOPLE AREN'T PERFECT.

I don't want to mumble anymore, I don't want to say anymore, I don't feel like uttering anything.

I'm officially MUTED now.

*super-duper-SIGH!*

Jangan buka, serious takde pape.

SEDIH. SEDIH. SEDIH. SEDIH. SEDIH. SEDIH. SEDIH. :(

sedih bukan sadis.

SEDIH. Kali ini terasa nak menulis dalam bahasa ibunda, Bahasa Melayu. Ya, saya berasa sangat SEDIH. Kenapa ini semuanya terjadi? Kenapa mesti waktu-waktu begini. Di saat-saat di mana tak harus aku rasa SEDIH itu. SEDIH bila keputusan yang telah saya buat tidak memuaskan hati pihak yang lain. SEDIH bila keputusan saya dipandang lemah. Ya saya tahu saya bukan orang besar yang tahu semua benda. Ya, saya juga tahu saya bukan manusia sempurna yang memang sempurna dalam semua hal. Saya sedar dan amat faham siapa saya. Tetapi adakalanya, saya harus membuat keputusan yang drastik untuk sekadar melakirkan semula senyuman di wajah saya, setelah saya rasa sudah lama senyuman palsu terlakar sejak belakangan ini. Kembali kepada topik utama: Saya SEDIH. Bila ada insan yang tidak memahami dan tidak cuba untuk memahami. Bertubi-tubi kesalahan diletakkan di bahu saya, tanpa sejenak berfikir apa perasaan saya,apa significant keputusan saya dan yang paling menyedihkan, bila persoalan-persoalan itu diajukan pada insan lain dan bukan saya sendiri walhal saya adalah orang yang harus menjawab persoalan-persoalan ini. Mungkin, apa yang telah saya lakukan di luar tanggapan orang, namun, itu adalah keputusan saya dan saya rasa saya telah mengambil langkah yang mungkin terbaik saya juga tidak pasti tapi sekurang-kurangnya, air mata itu tidak akan mengalir lagi buat sementara waktu. Saya sudah penat dengan masalah-masalah yang menimpa sejak belakangan ini, sudah lali juga sudah capek kata mereka. Semua ujian ini untuk menguatkan saya dan saya amat faham itu. Terima kasih kepada DIA kerana masih menyayangi saya dengan dugaan yang bertubi-tubi dicurahkan supaya mengajar saya erti kekuatan dan kecekalan untuk hari-hari yang akan datang. Ya Tuhan, mereka mungkin tidak faham, mereka mungkin berfikir bahawa apa yang telah saya putuskan agak drastik dan mungkin membawa masalah suatu masa depan, itu saya tidak pasti, namun saya sudah TEKAD. Itu keputusan saya. Mereka yang tidak faham, saya tidak akan menyalahkan mereka sama sekali tidak akan menunding jari kepada mereka, namun sekiranya anda tahu, saya tidak akan menyusahkan anda dan itu adalah pasti kerana ini keputusan saya dan biar saya sahaja yang melalui apa sahaja kemungkinan pada masa hadapan. Ya Tuhan, kuatkan aku dan semoga keputusan ini ada hikmahnya. Hanya kepadaMu aku memohon. :)

Don't judge me.

"Don't judge a book by its cover."
Don't judge me by who I am..
Don't judge me by how I look..
Don't judge me by what I did..
Cause I can do more than what u think.
And I can cross the boundaries if I have too.
So, PLEASE.
Don't look down on me.

melayang tapi perlu focus.

Aku akan terus berblogging.Aku akan terus mencurahkan apa yang kau rasa kat sini.Chocolate jer yang dengar je apa yang aku ngarut.Aku tak betul2 stable sekarang ni.Walaupun depan semua orang aku pretend macam aku okay.Macam aku orang paling happy dalam dunia.Tapi aku selalu melayang lately.AKu perasan sangat benda ni.Kenapa aku perlu MELAYANG? Melayang sebab si budak itu yang tak pernah nak menghargai aku? Melayang sebab orang lain yang selalu pandang rendah pada kebolehan aku? Melayang sebab aku terus diam walaupun hati aku memberontak? Melayang sebab aku rasa jauh hati sangat? Melayang sebab apa? AKu pun tak pasti mengapa.Tapi to be damn honest, aku memang melayang.Sekarang yang patutnya aku study aku masih lagi berblogging padahal banyak lagi benda yang perlu aku settlekan, dengan histo yang belum lukis, notes JP yg bertimbun.Anatomy lower limb yang blum lagi aku bukak buku untuk revision. Kenapa aku macam ni? Fitri, cuba focus. Please. TInggalkan terus apa yang dah berlalu. Dulu2, kau selalu kuatkan diri kau EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. kan senang tu? Ingat je benda tu, and tolong pandang depan balik. Jangan melayang time JP tengah ajar pasal maximum transport, pasal renal threshold. Jangan melayang masa Jay ajar liver.Jangan melayang bila orang cakap dengan kau.Jangan melayang bila kau tengah lukis histo,takut-takut kau lukis benda yang tak sepatutnya. Fitri, silalah kuat.SIlalah jangan melayang lagi. Buang rasa jauh hati tu jauh-jauh. DIa takkan pernah paham. Lupakan pada kisah lalu. Biarkan semuanya berlalu. Buka diary baru. Diary lama dah sampai last page. Dah tak boleh nak sambung lagi walaupun kau sumbat macamana pun.Space dah tak cukup. Air mata tolong jangan mengalir lagi. Chocolate, thanks for listening. Fitri nak sambung belajar. Fitri nak kuat lagi. Betul nak kuat macam superwoman.

go away.plz.i beg u.

sangat sakit....

sakit giler......

ulcer...plz...nak study nih.....:(

jangan la sakit sekarang....

sgt pedih.

ermmm......

go away plz.

pity me.=((

nak makan.....=((

jangan la sakit..

plzz......

plzzz......

plzzzzzzz......

nokhtah.*HOPELESS*