I am so so bad.

Maybe, it's my fault, but truth is, I never forget you, not even a single second. If it is found that I suddenly gone missing, either I fell asleep or I am extremely busy, but usually most of the time, I fell asleep because, even I am so busy, I'll try to find a time to text or call you.

Sorry if I hurt you. I am so sorry. Please don't get mad with me or sad because please believe me that even I was sad when I woke up today and the clock was at 715am, I called you, and it turned out to be that, you have woke up, and you acted strangely as if it was my fault. I knew it was my fault, but trust me, I overslept at that time. ;(. Never intended to never call you. :(

Mana gambar?:(

Tomorrow, I will be going back. Maybe, I will be away from blog, twitter or even facebook. Quite disappointed actually, all because of little Audry. Hmm. Lantak la dy. Yang penting, esok balik. Hooray!!! =)))

And maybe or maybe, I will try my best to send Audry to get repaired and if I am lucky, it will get better, but if I am not, it'll never get better.

Good bye good bye.

Just want to update a little bit, I passed my pra- test, I am gonna sit for JPJ test on 25th of April insyaALLAH, and hopefully, I pass.

Movie I have watched during the time of disappearance:

• Wrath of The Titans
• Mirror Mirror. 

2:286

Esok pra- test.

Esok aku pasrah, jadi lah apa nak jadi. Just try my best.

Ingat je ni ye, Nurul Fitrilina.

:)

2:286.

InsyaAllah, everything will be okay:)

chill la!

Just realized something today.

I really couldn't tolerate if people talk with the harsh voices to me, I really couldn't.

I had pra-test today. That was an annoyed moment, I felt like bursting out the fire. The hill and the parking went well even I made a slight mistakes during the 3-corner part. But, when it came to the road which before this I could do well, better than hill, parking and 3-corner, the irritating moments began. I was the first to go with this pakcik. The only pakcik that has the license to do the pra-test, so I can't change to other person if I wish to do so later if in case I FAILED again.

I knew that he is the teacher in that particular driving school, although he didn't teach me, but then can't you behave and say something good without hurting others?
Previously, I could do well on the road, I really can ( bukan nak membangga diri or what) tapi that's it. But then, when it came to the test, at first when he was in a perfect silence, I could do every single steps without missing, but then when I reached the first traffic light and when my engine's car first stopped, he started yelling! He yelled at me and I really couldn't tolerate that!!! I felt so pissed off, but hmm, that was it.

I held my feelings, till I felt cracked inside, and when I reached the place back, then suddenly mo routine driving teacher came and asked me, "Macamana? Okay kan?" He said that with a smile in his face. Then only, my tears came out, running down my fast very fast, unable to control anymore. It hurts, and he was really mean. The mean teacher called me, then said something about how reckless I was on the road, I couldn't control the gear, I made the car stopped in the middle of the journey 4 times and bla bla although before this I was confident on the road, even not fully at least. I still teared that time, and I knew that he noticed it. I just nodded and didn't say a word. Then I walked out the room without saying thank you to him. I was so pissed off, really. I knew I was mean for not saying thank you, but which  one was more me, me not saying thank you, or he shouted at me so much till I couldn't concentrate and focus from the beginning of the journey to the end?

Maybe, I was a bit mengada- ngada, but I still couldn't accept the harsh yellings by him. Before this, maybe I could but that was the maximum point I think. My next pre-test would be this Tuesday. I didn't book for the practice before the pre- test. Lantak la. Fine if you want to fail me again, because I knew you have marked my face as 'budak loser tak pandai bawak kereta.' Label la, aku dah tak kisah. Bukan salah aku. Mungkin lepas ni, aku just try je buat, pekakkan apa yang dia cakap, sebab aku dah malas layan orang yang high voice ni. Seriously. Bukan nak cakap orang Melaka kasar, tak semua, tapi this time, it proves that most of citizens of Malacca acted like that, I noticed. Maaf pada orang Melaka yang lain.

After telling it to my mom, I was a bit calm. She said, it's okay, just try the best after this, and if possible try to change other cikgu. Hihi. Mak comel sangat. If only I can do it, but I can't. He is the only one who in-charge. Takpela, sabar jela, kalau Allah nak bagi aku lulus, lulus la, and kalau Allah dah tetapkan aku fail jugak, aku terima.

*Actually, aku super sedih super koyak ni, banyak sebab sebenarnya. Sebab high voice is the trigger. Sebab lain, sebab penat menunggu, penat booking since November 2011, penat lagi sebab before this aku penah amik half way tapi tak sempat habiskan. If let's say, I pass this Tuesday, I have the thought to go back home later, but if I can't make it, and he fail me again, I might stay here again, struggling to get the license again. Routine. Penat. Hmm.

...

sungguh, Ya Allah.

Aku kecewa. Kecewa sebab aku tak dapat buat apa-apa.

Kecewa sebab aku tidak punya kuasa untuk berkata.

Andai aku kata, semua sia-sia, tidak diambil pusing, dibiarkan jauh di sudut lain.

Kau tak pernah kisah, tentang aku, tentang insan yang sedarah daging denganmu

Kau asyik dengan cinta, sayang kau pada masa yang tidak tepat,

Kau lupa pada pengorbanan dan perjuangan insan yang bawa kau ke alam ni,

Kau leka, leka dan terus leka, walhal masa terus berputar.

Saat ini, hati aku dah penat untuk terus berkata-kata nasihat,

Aku sudah patah hati sepatahnya,

Buatlah apa yang kau rasa baik, kau rasa elok.

Kau rasa yang boleh menghidupkan kau lagi 50 tahun depan.

Aku akan terus diam, bukan sebab aku benci,

Tapi sebab aku kecewa, dan sudah pasrah.

Maafkan aku, andai aku bukan kakak yang baik untukmu.

Yang ikhlas,

Kakakmu yang terus sayangkan mu. 

free medical-check up

Salam. How's everybody? I'm back again. Yeah, not so long actually, since the last time I blogged. Today was the last day of my 8- hours driving classes and it has come to the end. Suprisingly, tomorrow, I am going to have 'Driving Pre-test' which is conducted just before the JPJ test, to evaluate whether you have reach to a level that, you can sit for the JPJ test before obtaining the true car license. I am a bit nervous actually, even I have practised it so many times, well it is just normal actually but yeah, still I can't eliminate the feeling from me now. It just happened. I've told Bam about this, then he suggested that I just stayed calm, because let's say if I am fated to be failed, then just repeat the test, no need to worry much. Actually, he was right, why thinking so hard, because, it wouldn't change anything, once fail, you have two, three, four and infinity's opportunities to re-do the test. What you just need to do is just, prepare for the money then take the exam, that's it not more than that. It's not that I pray that I fail, it's just better to think of the worst. What I pray now is, I hope everything goes well, for the pre test and also the true JPJ test later, which I am not sure about the date yet. Good luck, Nurul Fitrilina. :)

Anyway, just to let you know, I just came back from the free medical check-up done in my college, specifically at the Dental Building, which is the tallest building in the MMMC. I've checked my weight, height, BMI, blood pressure and also the glucose level.

• weight: 52 kg
• height: 167 cm, old time I checked was 165cm. I've grown up?;p
• BMI: calculate it by yourself if you care but I guess you don't. :D
• Blood pressure: 116/ 68 mm Hg
• Glucose level: 5.7 mmol/L

 They were all normal. Then, I was counselled by the senior medical student, and there were few advices that he gave.

• go for exercises, at least 3 times a week in a duration of 30 minutes each, which I have stopped doing it for the past 2 months. 

• Go and check for the CVD screening when I have time at the nearest KK( Klinik Kesihatan). Well, CVD stands for cardiovascular disease.

• He noticed a slight pallor on my palms and lower palpebral conjunctiva. Maybe this is results from the blood donation that day. ( Owh, forget to mention, I donated blood that day and my blood type is B+ve. Weeewit. ;p)

• That's all. 

Yeah, and that's all. Let's study for commed. Good luck:)

restless when I blanked and blurred.

I had a thought block this morning, I didn't know how it happened, it just did. It started when we were trying to do the dispersion exercises given by the lecturer. We had to find the answer for standard deviation, variance, standard error etc. which we have already learned during the school days and also A - level. It was fun, because, it involved so much calculations and I really love it.

Back to the point, about how I got this thought block. It started when Zaty asked me on how to calculate the variance. I explained to her the formula, and I have done it and got the answer. To make things easier, you have to know the mean value and saved it somewhere in the calculator either as A, B, C, etc values, so you didn't have to put the value many times. Then she asked me on how to insert the value either as A, B or C. When I was about to tell her, I suddenly blanked, like REALLY REALLY BLANKED. I felt so idiotic that time because it's not that I didn't know, it just that I forgot to do it during that particular time, even when Zaty asked I've already have the answer in my answer sheet. The way I inserted the value was done and triggered by my subconscious mind, and if I tried to recall one by one on how I did it, I just couldn't do it. I stucked for a while, just watching over the paper.

I am kinda person who will be so unmotivated if something I know it very well just slip from my mind like that, like that that eventhough before that, I am so mastered to do it. To continue the next question, I was so not into it. My mind was really working that time, trying to recall but I couldn't. When I got back to my room, I called my sister, Farina to teach me, yeah she did thought me but it was not the way I usually did to enter the value as it was quite complicated for me. Then I called my other sister, Najwa and Alhamdullilah, she really did it the way I did it. I got back the way! No more thought block! Immediately, I rushed to Zaty's room and told her the correct way about it. You know what, when I have already known the answer to my missing memories, I was so so so relieved and happy. :)

From here, the conclusion I can make is that, yeah I am the one who is so eager to know something that I used to know that I forget it just like that. I don'tknow about others, but that's how I feel. And if I couldn't find the answer, I will be restless and can't do anything else which I suppose to do. Just thinking, whether is a good thing or not? Haishhhh T_T

elective per say

Salam. A great opening, now and back then. It's already late,actually, but since I have slept for about 1 hour around 730pm, and now I just couldn't close my eyes for more, feeling fresh and good. If the class is on now, I am willingly to go. :p. Today, not much is there to be talked about, I don't have any idea, just thought about doing 'elective' later after final 4th year examination known as P2S1 examination. Owh, before I begin, I would like to tell, what elective means. 

Elective is the term used by us, MMMC student in which it defines as the compulsory hospital attends that you need to accomplish during the three-weeks holidays after P2S1 examination. It is kinda cool actually, where ever you want to go, and which department you prefer. Yeah, I knew that this topic has started to arise among my batchmates, and most of them prefer to do outside of Malaysia like Australia, Japan, Korea and the lists go on, but for moderate student like me, I can't afford to go there, even yeah I did have the thought to go somewhere else apart from Malaysia, but never mind, being in Malaysia to do elective is preferable, cost-saving, and practical since we are going to serve for government of Malaysia, so why choose overseas right?:)
 
And plus, going for elective as the same place as you is what I hoped for such a long time, if and only if everything is just possible without difficulties regardless the departments which we gonna take, it depends of him and depends on me too. I've been thinking to try out the surgery or medicine department since these are the busiest departments of all, and I could learn a lot during the time. It is just a thought, maybe I might change it as the time comes. So far, the hospital in mind is hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Star, Kedah, but well, again these are all the thoughts. ;)


Other arising matter is that, tomorrow there will be blood donation campaign at my college, MMMC. I've been thinking about donating my blood, owh yeah, my blood type is B+ :). If I manage to donate blood this time, this gonna be the third time I successfully donated blood so far, two times in Manipal, back then. Since I am Malaysian, why not I try to donate for my own country right?:) yeah, will see again because at the same time, I am thinking to fast tomorrow, not the compulsory one, but just an optional or best termed as 'puasa sunat'. :) I just planned, but everything depends on Him up there, He have fated things to be in the correct way, hopefully, things will go smoother tomorrow, errmmm by tomorrow I mean today since it passed 12midnight already. :) 


Okay, gotta sleep now. Ttlyl. Salam.


P/S: Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, thanks! You know what I mean ;)

just found this picture of Mak and Ecah when she was about 1 year old maybe. I miss her talkativeness. ;)

smile;)

unsettled

There are few things left unsettled which include:

• the two-topics a day, I didn't even have the chance to do it. Actually, I did have the chance but I wasted it. Come on, make it real, girl!
• to not to sleep after Subuh, this is the hardest part, yeah dugaan- dugaan, only those who are very istiqamah can do that. I've to start to do it, first time, might be a little bit trouble, but a continuous doing is gonna make it as routine, insyaAllah:)
• to finish off the novel that I borrowed from Syikin that day, entitled ' Denyut Kasih Medik'. I just realised that I haven't finished reading the novel during the cleaning process of my room that day. Gotta make a move. One page one day. 
• To start playing and exercising during the evening, because I have developed free fat storage beneath the abdominal part. Demit. 
• To make a calculation on my semester budget and spending, because I have my mission okay, haha, let it be a secret for now;)
• that's it. stop scrolling. There's nothing else more left behind, and if it does have something, I wouldn't be mentioning here, kbai! :)

moulds. you! :D

It's already 12.20 in the midnight. Okay, now again, I wasted my night. and this is because of that damn moulds stucked on my white-white walls. Actually, I did realized about the presence of that moulds back then, when I came back to my room after one week of holidays. And that moulds were there because of the cold temperature of my room due to the aircond which was still turned on after I left my room. The humidity of the room plus, the absence of sunlight into my room triggered the moulds to form their colonies. Okay, you are too bad, moulds! :S. I have tried so hard to remove it by using 'kain buruk' but then it was just hopeless, they just remained there. Then, I suddenly thought about using an eraser to remove the moulds, yeah I know it sounds pretty weird, but that's how I got the idea at the very first place. I tried to rub the eraser against the wall, and it seemed to be working! Told ya, my idea wasn't that bad after all. The view is better than before, even not all of the moulds that I can get rid of. Just let the remaining moulds remain there, and I'm gonna chase you out from my room very soon! Padan muka!

By the way, I have browsed a little bit from mr google to find out ways on how to get rid of the moulds from the walls. And these are the few suggestions:

this is the simplest way. okay, not bad, can try this one.

I don't have this. So, this is thrown away from the list of suggestions.

and this one. Nah. Seems too much to wear like this, not gonna get infected, am I?

this is what will be if I just left the moulds to become populated and produce their offsprings!

Okay, and actually it turns out to be like this. I just use this: ERASER! or in layman term is 'pemadan' or rubber or getah pemadam? Whatever. The most important thing is that, it works!;))

never mind. I can suggest this to others. :) spare lots of erasers okay! :) you might never know when you gonna use them, hahahaah.