Sip of coffee

I give myself 5 minutes to write a poem. That's it. Five minutes, then I have to start studying!

A sip of coffee in the evening
A cold, calm and peaceful weather surround the atmosphere
I'm blessed of what I have and yes I do
Off all the greatest things I have
I can never say no and can never sigh
Why am I being chosen among all others?
Why I should bear the responsibilities of future, why not others?

The answer is simple
Because it is meant to
HE wants it that way
and He believes of my capability to stay strong, to help ummah
To cure those who in need, those who is weak
Strength and choices are all ours
Being in this path long time back I thought it was a mistake
This path ain't easy as it seems
Ain't cooler as it looks
A lot of hardship and hard work I must throw
To be seen and to be appreciated
Time is leaving us behind
O Allah, bless us all, help us to achieve what we aim for, what we long
Ameen.

The crowds.

I walked and walked over the crowds, they were chit chatting, bargaining to buy something they like, but deep down myself, I was not actually there. My mind was like floating, not touching d real ground... You knew, some good news are real good, yes, there are, but underlying it, we need to face the reality that hurts. That's a good news for me, so happy tite see her excited voice, to feel her enjoyment.. Even it hurts me, thinking that what my future would be, when will it comes to reality,  will that even happen? That kinda bleed my heart. :"). But, Ya Allah, redhakanlah hati ini. Mungkin ini yang terbaik, mungkin ini yang telah ditetapkan.:).
I wish I could share this exploding feeling in my heart with someone, but it seems that nobody even cares to know, cares to ask. Maybe they have the thought that I'm being to secretive perhaps. But actually that is not right. I wish somebody could be here, at this moment, being with me, to face that day later, not alone keeping everything just in my heart... I don't know how to stop these tears from falling.. It just drops... It's okay Fitrilina, this has been arranged lovingly by Him. Face that day with an open heart, happy for your sister, even nobody is there to share during that moment. Don't drop the tears becuase you feel sad, instead let it flow for the happiness in your family.. InsyaAllah I will try even it's hard and even that means you should be alone during that happening day.. :")

I too, tired. If you please know. My eyes are about to shut, my body aches all over, my tummy asks for more food instead. I can no longer write, no longer think, I'm exhausted, just wait for the right time to fall back. But, I tried my best to look good in front of you, to sound excited as ever, to sound happy when I got the call. But, when I eagerly explained, you sounded too bored from the other side. :( I knew you might be tired, but you knew me so much, right.. I easily fall back, my heart easily aches. My soul too. I can no longer stand, these both eyes are really going to shut any time soon. Not a good way of closing my eyes. Goodnite, and assalamualaikum. ;(

My day.

Salam, dear readers.

Just I realised about one fact.

The more nearer the exam is, the more frequent I update my blog

Anyway that's the fact. I don't know why but it seems that, when I wrote something or for this case, when I blogged, I feel more happy, and enjoy my days, if in case I've lots of works to do actually. As what I've been saying, exam IS really around the corner. Less than 30 days +/-. I don't actually know how to interpret my pace of studying at these moments but it seems a bit too slow. Because too much of exams, too much of block tests made me unable to focus to other subjects apart from my specific subjects for posting. Just, for now, I hope the things I've read for the current posting will still be remembered during my final BIG EXAM which is P2S1.

Speaking about exams, now I know what is my weakness, it is actually the CLINICAL part of the study, in which it is so important, for us, us a doctor, because CLINICAL helps you to reach to a diagnosis, try to think about the appropriate investigations and plans of management. That's I've lack, to be specific, the part to come to a diagnosis and the part to find the important clinical findings in the patients. :( This is the thing I've to improve. I really need my friends' help so that, I didn't lack behind. I want to master in clinical examination, be confident of my findings, and try not to miss small little findings, which is very easy to pick up.

Ya Allah, help me, in improving my clinical skills, help me to find this CLINICAL stuffs because this is so important, crucial for me to be a very good doctor in the future.

The day after, I've psychiatry sessional examination. I don't even start yet, about to actually. Hopefully, Allah ease my way. :)

On the other note, today, we really had a great, enjoyable day with usrahmates. We did activities, not a routine, lame one, but a nice, superb, awesome, adventurous kinda activity, which I enjoyed the most, not only me, almost all of us. :) Being together with the same missions, did the same activity with Muslim sisters, were really good things to do :). Actually, suddenly one thought came popped up my mind. How I am so lucky to be chosen among all others to be in this road, the road to be a better Muslim, the road to reach Ustaziatul Alam, the mission we all Muslims aim for. :) Thank you, Allah for this opportunity, I am so grateful for this chance. :)

I will try the best that I can to strengthen my basics, which I knew I still have so many holes, and not yet strong :(  

Luncheon. Hee.

http://instagr.am/p/U2xjH0hhMO/

Don't quit. ;)

Salam and hello everybody. Well, should I say, we meet again. Lol. :). I knew, these days I hardly had enough time to post, babble about my life, or even to share something, really don't have much time. Going out for class as early as 7 am ( if got Muar posting) and came back at 5.30 pm worst case if had to stay in Muar for full day. Then, at night again I have to struggle in library, oh life is so busy, I knew that if later when I were a HO life would be even more hectic, I should get used to it. But, because of too tired during the weekdays, I tend to spend my weekends in an unproductive way by sleeping up late, and waking up late too! OMG.

I knew right, I'm a girl, I guess a woman already. Waking up late, thinking that soon I'm going to be a wife, *not sure when but just say soon lol* it's just so not right. Kesian my hubby later, can't have proper breakfast. Hee. Sorry sayang. :P. I should have stopped this worse habit, I knew life might be so hectic during the weekdays, it's just that, it's not a good way to spend your weekend like that :( Now I regretted, when thinking that weekends have gone and it's monday already!
I promise to myself, I'll try to wake up early, if possible, don't have to sleep back in a comfortable bed after Subuh, instead I can spend my time interval before Subuh to early morning, maybe by reciting Al- Quran. That's a lot more better. :) InsyaAllah akan dicuba! ;)


Then speaking about P2S1, not so much days left! 42 days left you know! T_T But, still I like/ love/ enjoy to waste my time :( Cannot anymore! :) Have to start study NURUL FITRILINA! Berusaha!! After passing P2S1, you can do whatever you want!!!! ;)

And so now I am trying to find my booster. Booster. Ehem!

• Learn to cook from Mak and learn recipes from the book awk gave. :)
• Practise to drive car for a long way journey. Cause, I don't really have so much confident in this, maybe lack of exposure?
• Other booster: Oh let it be a secret. :)

Pray for my success my friends. Pray so that I can face this exam very well, can do very well. The most importantly, can pass the exam with one shot without repeat or supplementation. :) Pray for the success of my 'you-know-who-you-are too, and my gorgeous bffs and all my batchmates, batch 24! :)

The long lost spirit

Can you come back to me?
The long lost spirit?
I need the toughest, insensitive one,
I need the spirit with high ambition
I  need the spirit which bring me away from disappointment
please.. stop wasting the precious moment with unnecessary thought,
Ahead of u, u've got a very hard battle, your destiny is unknown
Neither by you nor others..
Keep the head up, and the desired spirit, please come back, please, I beg with a very humble way I possibly offer....

Keep Calm. 2013.

Assalamualaikum everybody. We meet again. It's 2013, believe it or not. A year of many many things which may await in front. A year of P2S1 (less than 60 days left), A year of me becoming 24 years old. Old enough to make a very big decision myself, old enough to be mature, old enough to stop crying over little things. As the day passes, my heart is beating fast, and getting louder and I
noticed that just today. Not 'louder' as if I've got some kinds of murmur or what, but it is getting 'louder' literally. When speaking about 2013, I am getting nervous. I guess all because of the pressure of P2S1, a very important exam which may allow us to reach 5th year. I knew, my knowledge is still poor, still a lot more to be improved, but thinking about that, I get carried away, and try to avoid all of that. Actually, I SHOULD NOT HAVE that kind of thought. I should stop and sit and start studying. T_T. Ya Allah ,this exam is really important to me, and my friends. All depends on fate, and luck. And of course, the hard work. I really need to be calm, start studying and finish this off. It's so tiring to be in a medical school, thinking that, most of my friends, or high-school mates have graduated and even now, have started working and build a family of theirs.

I am still here, struggling and praying I can pass the exam with flying colours, and able to continue to the next level. I didn't know why, just now, during walking towards the bus in Muar Hospital, I had this one thought. Why at the very first place, I didn't choose a teacher/ lecturer as my career? I knew I have the talent to teach ( I think so la), and I can teach very well, and able to make people understand. But, I ended up in medical school. Yes, I agree that when I was in school, my ambition was to be a doctor, but now, thinking that, I didn't actually have the talents, and thinking that my life would be so busy after this, it made me have the thought, why I didn't choose to be a doctor.

But, then again, the other thought came and strike my heart. Allah s.w.t has planned everything very nice. Maybe HE has planned that one day, I can be a very good and dedicated doctor, trying to save lives of the helpless human beings, or maybe trying to use a profession of doctor as a medium for dakwah. Allah knows best. HE is the greatest.

So, to you, Nurul Fitrilina Mustapa, please have the thought in mind that you're so lucky to be in this field, you can get pahala for free everyday later, during your work as a doctor, since you will be curing people, or if not cure, at least provide comfort to them. Again, keep praying and praying. Allah knows best. :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR. :) Refresh the niat, keep struggling to be a better Muslimah insyaAllah :)

=(

I'm off the limit. Super tired and exhausted. Too confused with so many things.

:(

Good nite and Assalamualaikum.

Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan ku. :(

Exam fever

Surgery is a bit tiring, but I have to keep my spirit still up high.

Please be good to me surgery.. Please.

And other subjects too. I have about 90 days for the P2S1 left. :(

About to rain?

Assalamualaikum....

Today, my mood is as gloomy as a sky about to rain. I don't know what things that matter, usually I could resist the sad feeling when he didn't look into my eyes while explaining, but this time, I felt so so sad, I felt useless, I felt like I wasn't even there, at all. Yes, I knew, a long time ago, I have faced this kinda situation, in which I was able to let go off the feeling. I still remembered those times, when my heart was too soft, I was too jealous but I couldn't do anything, I just kept it to myself, couldn't even share with anybody. And thus, I rode my scooter, away from the place I've been, I went to a place where at least, I could cry as loud as I can, nobody even cared.

And now, I've nowhere to run, no one to even share, nobody will understand..

I miss the moment in Manipal so much. So much. I miss the place so much. I miss Maya, and I miss everything, I miss the moment where I could cry on the bike, in which nobody there to know. =(


One other thing: My sister has gone for the kursus, yeah that kursus. And I didn't even know when will my time come, when and how.

Nurul Fitrilina, please be strong.

Don't fall at this moment. A lot more to come later. A lot more.

#np Titanium