...

sungguh, Ya Allah.

Aku kecewa. Kecewa sebab aku tak dapat buat apa-apa.

Kecewa sebab aku tidak punya kuasa untuk berkata.

Andai aku kata, semua sia-sia, tidak diambil pusing, dibiarkan jauh di sudut lain.

Kau tak pernah kisah, tentang aku, tentang insan yang sedarah daging denganmu

Kau asyik dengan cinta, sayang kau pada masa yang tidak tepat,

Kau lupa pada pengorbanan dan perjuangan insan yang bawa kau ke alam ni,

Kau leka, leka dan terus leka, walhal masa terus berputar.

Saat ini, hati aku dah penat untuk terus berkata-kata nasihat,

Aku sudah patah hati sepatahnya,

Buatlah apa yang kau rasa baik, kau rasa elok.

Kau rasa yang boleh menghidupkan kau lagi 50 tahun depan.

Aku akan terus diam, bukan sebab aku benci,

Tapi sebab aku kecewa, dan sudah pasrah.

Maafkan aku, andai aku bukan kakak yang baik untukmu.

Yang ikhlas,

Kakakmu yang terus sayangkan mu. 

free medical-check up

Salam. How's everybody? I'm back again. Yeah, not so long actually, since the last time I blogged. Today was the last day of my 8- hours driving classes and it has come to the end. Suprisingly, tomorrow, I am going to have 'Driving Pre-test' which is conducted just before the JPJ test, to evaluate whether you have reach to a level that, you can sit for the JPJ test before obtaining the true car license. I am a bit nervous actually, even I have practised it so many times, well it is just normal actually but yeah, still I can't eliminate the feeling from me now. It just happened. I've told Bam about this, then he suggested that I just stayed calm, because let's say if I am fated to be failed, then just repeat the test, no need to worry much. Actually, he was right, why thinking so hard, because, it wouldn't change anything, once fail, you have two, three, four and infinity's opportunities to re-do the test. What you just need to do is just, prepare for the money then take the exam, that's it not more than that. It's not that I pray that I fail, it's just better to think of the worst. What I pray now is, I hope everything goes well, for the pre test and also the true JPJ test later, which I am not sure about the date yet. Good luck, Nurul Fitrilina. :)

Anyway, just to let you know, I just came back from the free medical check-up done in my college, specifically at the Dental Building, which is the tallest building in the MMMC. I've checked my weight, height, BMI, blood pressure and also the glucose level.

• weight: 52 kg
• height: 167 cm, old time I checked was 165cm. I've grown up?;p
• BMI: calculate it by yourself if you care but I guess you don't. :D
• Blood pressure: 116/ 68 mm Hg
• Glucose level: 5.7 mmol/L

 They were all normal. Then, I was counselled by the senior medical student, and there were few advices that he gave.

• go for exercises, at least 3 times a week in a duration of 30 minutes each, which I have stopped doing it for the past 2 months. 

• Go and check for the CVD screening when I have time at the nearest KK( Klinik Kesihatan). Well, CVD stands for cardiovascular disease.

• He noticed a slight pallor on my palms and lower palpebral conjunctiva. Maybe this is results from the blood donation that day. ( Owh, forget to mention, I donated blood that day and my blood type is B+ve. Weeewit. ;p)

• That's all. 

Yeah, and that's all. Let's study for commed. Good luck:)

restless when I blanked and blurred.

I had a thought block this morning, I didn't know how it happened, it just did. It started when we were trying to do the dispersion exercises given by the lecturer. We had to find the answer for standard deviation, variance, standard error etc. which we have already learned during the school days and also A - level. It was fun, because, it involved so much calculations and I really love it.

Back to the point, about how I got this thought block. It started when Zaty asked me on how to calculate the variance. I explained to her the formula, and I have done it and got the answer. To make things easier, you have to know the mean value and saved it somewhere in the calculator either as A, B, C, etc values, so you didn't have to put the value many times. Then she asked me on how to insert the value either as A, B or C. When I was about to tell her, I suddenly blanked, like REALLY REALLY BLANKED. I felt so idiotic that time because it's not that I didn't know, it just that I forgot to do it during that particular time, even when Zaty asked I've already have the answer in my answer sheet. The way I inserted the value was done and triggered by my subconscious mind, and if I tried to recall one by one on how I did it, I just couldn't do it. I stucked for a while, just watching over the paper.

I am kinda person who will be so unmotivated if something I know it very well just slip from my mind like that, like that that eventhough before that, I am so mastered to do it. To continue the next question, I was so not into it. My mind was really working that time, trying to recall but I couldn't. When I got back to my room, I called my sister, Farina to teach me, yeah she did thought me but it was not the way I usually did to enter the value as it was quite complicated for me. Then I called my other sister, Najwa and Alhamdullilah, she really did it the way I did it. I got back the way! No more thought block! Immediately, I rushed to Zaty's room and told her the correct way about it. You know what, when I have already known the answer to my missing memories, I was so so so relieved and happy. :)

From here, the conclusion I can make is that, yeah I am the one who is so eager to know something that I used to know that I forget it just like that. I don'tknow about others, but that's how I feel. And if I couldn't find the answer, I will be restless and can't do anything else which I suppose to do. Just thinking, whether is a good thing or not? Haishhhh T_T

elective per say

Salam. A great opening, now and back then. It's already late,actually, but since I have slept for about 1 hour around 730pm, and now I just couldn't close my eyes for more, feeling fresh and good. If the class is on now, I am willingly to go. :p. Today, not much is there to be talked about, I don't have any idea, just thought about doing 'elective' later after final 4th year examination known as P2S1 examination. Owh, before I begin, I would like to tell, what elective means. 

Elective is the term used by us, MMMC student in which it defines as the compulsory hospital attends that you need to accomplish during the three-weeks holidays after P2S1 examination. It is kinda cool actually, where ever you want to go, and which department you prefer. Yeah, I knew that this topic has started to arise among my batchmates, and most of them prefer to do outside of Malaysia like Australia, Japan, Korea and the lists go on, but for moderate student like me, I can't afford to go there, even yeah I did have the thought to go somewhere else apart from Malaysia, but never mind, being in Malaysia to do elective is preferable, cost-saving, and practical since we are going to serve for government of Malaysia, so why choose overseas right?:)
 
And plus, going for elective as the same place as you is what I hoped for such a long time, if and only if everything is just possible without difficulties regardless the departments which we gonna take, it depends of him and depends on me too. I've been thinking to try out the surgery or medicine department since these are the busiest departments of all, and I could learn a lot during the time. It is just a thought, maybe I might change it as the time comes. So far, the hospital in mind is hospital Sultanah Bahiyah, Alor Star, Kedah, but well, again these are all the thoughts. ;)


Other arising matter is that, tomorrow there will be blood donation campaign at my college, MMMC. I've been thinking about donating my blood, owh yeah, my blood type is B+ :). If I manage to donate blood this time, this gonna be the third time I successfully donated blood so far, two times in Manipal, back then. Since I am Malaysian, why not I try to donate for my own country right?:) yeah, will see again because at the same time, I am thinking to fast tomorrow, not the compulsory one, but just an optional or best termed as 'puasa sunat'. :) I just planned, but everything depends on Him up there, He have fated things to be in the correct way, hopefully, things will go smoother tomorrow, errmmm by tomorrow I mean today since it passed 12midnight already. :) 


Okay, gotta sleep now. Ttlyl. Salam.


P/S: Wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, thanks! You know what I mean ;)

just found this picture of Mak and Ecah when she was about 1 year old maybe. I miss her talkativeness. ;)

smile;)

unsettled

There are few things left unsettled which include:

• the two-topics a day, I didn't even have the chance to do it. Actually, I did have the chance but I wasted it. Come on, make it real, girl!
• to not to sleep after Subuh, this is the hardest part, yeah dugaan- dugaan, only those who are very istiqamah can do that. I've to start to do it, first time, might be a little bit trouble, but a continuous doing is gonna make it as routine, insyaAllah:)
• to finish off the novel that I borrowed from Syikin that day, entitled ' Denyut Kasih Medik'. I just realised that I haven't finished reading the novel during the cleaning process of my room that day. Gotta make a move. One page one day. 
• To start playing and exercising during the evening, because I have developed free fat storage beneath the abdominal part. Demit. 
• To make a calculation on my semester budget and spending, because I have my mission okay, haha, let it be a secret for now;)
• that's it. stop scrolling. There's nothing else more left behind, and if it does have something, I wouldn't be mentioning here, kbai! :)

moulds. you! :D

It's already 12.20 in the midnight. Okay, now again, I wasted my night. and this is because of that damn moulds stucked on my white-white walls. Actually, I did realized about the presence of that moulds back then, when I came back to my room after one week of holidays. And that moulds were there because of the cold temperature of my room due to the aircond which was still turned on after I left my room. The humidity of the room plus, the absence of sunlight into my room triggered the moulds to form their colonies. Okay, you are too bad, moulds! :S. I have tried so hard to remove it by using 'kain buruk' but then it was just hopeless, they just remained there. Then, I suddenly thought about using an eraser to remove the moulds, yeah I know it sounds pretty weird, but that's how I got the idea at the very first place. I tried to rub the eraser against the wall, and it seemed to be working! Told ya, my idea wasn't that bad after all. The view is better than before, even not all of the moulds that I can get rid of. Just let the remaining moulds remain there, and I'm gonna chase you out from my room very soon! Padan muka!

By the way, I have browsed a little bit from mr google to find out ways on how to get rid of the moulds from the walls. And these are the few suggestions:

this is the simplest way. okay, not bad, can try this one.

I don't have this. So, this is thrown away from the list of suggestions.

and this one. Nah. Seems too much to wear like this, not gonna get infected, am I?

this is what will be if I just left the moulds to become populated and produce their offsprings!

Okay, and actually it turns out to be like this. I just use this: ERASER! or in layman term is 'pemadan' or rubber or getah pemadam? Whatever. The most important thing is that, it works!;))

never mind. I can suggest this to others. :) spare lots of erasers okay! :) you might never know when you gonna use them, hahahaah.

Baby?

It seems that this ground floor will be filled up by new juniors. Yeah, tak la sunyi sangat time weekend kan. Hee:) What I mean by junior, is yeah our junior, Batch 25, they are actually the same batch as us, but, the are in the different batch. Welcome to the house of MMMC. Just come here, and feel it by yourselves. Don't trust everything seniors said, because sometimes they just overrated. :p.

By the way, today, it didn't seem smooth like yesterday. Quite disappointed with myself actually, because I expected I could become at least better than yesterday already:( Never mind, I just try for the best. T_T

I watched HOUSE again today. Yeah, kinda my routine these days, all because of Lina's fault for giving me the series, up to seventh season. Hihi, sorry Lina, it is actually my fault for finding you up to 4th floor just to get the series. :). Every episode seems to give me a lot of lesson, maybe, and for the episode 13 season 5 today, it was about how a busy doctor, a administrator of Princeton Hospital managed herself with busy life and her adopted small little baby at the same time. It is actually quite difficult, it needs a lot of patience and courage to bear through all those difficulties, messed life, and smelly house because the baby will keep on pooping. If you know what I mean. ;) Pampers here and there, crying is child's best friend, and plus, you gonna have to wake up early in the morning if in case the baby cries all of a sudden and you just have to prepare for the baby's milk. Sounds horrible and messy right? But, that's how I am going to face later in life. Because I know, being a doctor isn't like any other profession in which you have plenty of times with your family, lots of holidays to spend together, just list all the places you wish to go and furthermore, doctor doesn't work like an office hour, and if it does, you have to work the whole office hours plus the additional hours( additional hours here mean on-call). Ohhh, just have to prepare my mind, mentally and physically to accept this fact of torturing life which I'm surely gonna face.

But hey, who said that it is so bad? Who said that being doctor is too bad? You don't have time with your family? Yeah maybe that's definitely true, but in a positive side to think about it is that, the less hour you spend with your family, the more you gonna miss your family much, and it strengthens the relationship you know. Because some say that, if you are in a distance away from your loved ones( distance here can be in time, in kilometres and whatsoever that comes in your mind at this time), your love gonna get bloomed and it gives you the chance to miss them, doesn't it seem cute and sweet? :) *I'm actually trying to convince myself here, okay, ;p*

But, just come hell or high water, just come the torturing life or annoying cries of the babies, I wouldn't mind, because I know when I am in that position myself, having to take care of my husband and my babies, things will gonna change. Having babies and family is just a wonderful thing in life, yeah I know I do not experience it myself yet, but I have had the examples from my root family: my abah, mak and sisters with brothers. It's actually pretty sweet and cool you know, when the gathering time comes after so long everyone had busy life before, that gathering time is the time in which you know that, you love them a lot and you will appreciate the time a lot. :)

So, to my future hubby, just don't worry. We will try to make it as best as we can okay, just have faith in each other. Maybe, life will be a little bit tougher at the beginning, but we just have to cross the hurdles, and just remember good things that awaits us in future. insyaAllah, we have faith in Him too, Amin:)

The Hunger Games!

Salam. The time is still tick- tocking. Yeah, it is 3.41p.m in the afternoon. I can't undo, redo nor forward the time. It continues and never gonna stop. And now, I think time is so precious, like so so so precious. Even now, if you realize, the time pass by so fast, I really mean it, because I've experienced it. A 24-hours seems so long, but when you are actually counting the hours, and just do your routine like always, you will find out that, the time seems to cut- shorten from morning till the night before you go to sleep, but it is actually, tick tock like always. So, think back about what you have done at the very end of the day, whether it is useful or not the way you've spent your time:)..

P2S1 results have come out. I'm gonna sit the exam in another one year. The results made me tachycardic for a while, tachycardic for the seniors. Most of them have passed, some have failed and quite a number has to sit for the exam in another one month or we called it as supplementaries. So so so scared. It is all about luck, patient, doctor and what case you get. Hopefully, when my time comes, everything goes well smoothly. I hope and I pray. T_T

Anyway, last night, I went to Jusco Aeon, Melaka with my other two friends, Mira and Mun to watch movie, actually we didn't have a specific movie to watch, we just gambled, randomly picked the movie. It was 'The Hunger Game'.

 It was was was superb superb superb movie ever. :) And we kinda excited because actually, the movie didn't turn out to be loser, since it was randomly chosen. :p. Thanks to them, and it was a joyable night after a tiring day during the weekdays. ( Actually, not really tiring for me since I am in the community medicine posting, but a bit tiringfor them.;p).. Plus, the main actress of the movie, Jennifer Lawrence was so hot in the movie! :))) Love her eyes. She looked so handsome in the attire during the game. :D

Overall rating I would give is, 4/5 because in life, nothing is perfect. Wow. So pathetic. Hihi. :p.

Last but not least, regarding my driving class today, I noticed some improvements compared to the last week I went. Alhamdulillah, I hope that it gets better day by day, even tomorrow I do have the class at 1130 in the morning. I was a little bit nervous when going up the hill, but I want to improve tomorrow. Semangat3!! :)

wishes left as wishes.

At the end of the day, when it is said to be midnight, is the only time I've got the chance to talk to you. Very very late. Up to 1200am in the morning, can extend more than that. That's the moment I've waited for the whole day everyday. I even started to count till I reach that moment. I was super- joy super excited. But, when the time comes, it isn't as expected. I wish you to tell me the whole day stories, but you don't. To ask you about your stories, is too mean, you might be tired to tell me the stories, I should have known that. And now it is already 1.04am. Midnight already and you have gone to sleep. my eyes still wide opened, hoping you would be there, laughing and telling me the stories, even a small bit of simple stories I don't mind to listen because I love you. I really do. And now, I am alone, wishes just left as wishes. Good night, world. :)

I Won't Give Up- Jason Mraz.

"I Won't Give Up"

Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmmm ... Hmmm ...

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up