ALF 13

Salam I bid to everybody. I just came back from eating outside with my friends, actually it was supposed to be group night out but since everybody suddenly cancelled last minute, only four of us (all girls) went having our dinner outside. Anyway, the reason I am going to write today because I want to express what I've been feeling lately.

Last weekend was one of the greatest weekend I have ever had. :) And I don't have to explain much am I? :)
Spending two days with you, and together with my siblings gave me such a great feeling and I was so happy. ;) And that was the first weekend ever, I had a special date with you. Special on our special kind of way. And lots of things we've been talking and discussed like matured adults. :) yes we are, as we are turning 24 already. (by the way, you are 24 already :P). We discussed about our future, you talked, I listened, and when I talked you listened patiently. We had our plan, and so much plans ahead, and may Allah ease our way and may the plans will end with success.

One of my wish since I knew you and since I was attracted to you. I want to be your legal wife. I want to be the mother of your children. I want to be the person you share your joys, sadness and the person you are happy with till the end of your life. And Alhamdulillah we are turning into it. I hope whatever decision after this raya, is the best for us, and I hope Allah ease our way, and I am ready for it and I hope you too ;)

And for the first time, I feel so happy with this decision, only He knows how much smiles I have in this heart, if you may know. And for that, being someone's else wife isn't easy. It's too much responsibilities I have to bear and I have to take care of my husband's well being and I have to pour enough love to him. By that, I mean, I have to improve so many things in life, in doing household chores as I knew I might be busy after this being as a doctor. For whatever reason, I should put that aside, and I still have to take care of him, my husband. And for that, I should improve everything within this four months (insyaAllah if Allah's will).

• I should learn to cook well (you always said I didn't know much about cooking;p) because I don't want my husband to be so skinny after the marriage hehe, 
• I'm gonna have to change my sleep pattern. Wake up early and make a proper breakfast. (as for me and you as I too need this proper breakfast to prevent recurrence of hypotension as what has happened today).;p. 
• I'm gonna take care of his heart, trying to limit my daily or weekly merajuk, and only merajuk for special occasions. (eh bleh plak cmni kan hahahah, and if you read this, I AM SURE you gonna tell me this over and over again hahah)
• Save my money for good things :)
• Last but not least, the MOST IMPORTANT one, is to improve myself, for a better muslimah insyaAllah. I knew I lack a lot of things about this, I have so many weakness, but as Ramadhan is getting nearer and nearer, I want to improve my salah, my ibadah and Allah, please ease my way please :") I want to be a good wife and good muslimah too . :)

And that is for now. Gonna write later if I have the extra things to be done, but forget to tell you. Please pray for me and him , and may Allah ease our way for good deed. Amin.

Bye bye PCM, you will be missed, especially KK Merlimau

Done with family medicine posting. Next would be Accident & Emergency posting.
Time flies so fast. :) And by the way here are some pictures in A&E posting :)

Oh and forgot to mention, we've done our common programme. here are some pictures. ;) they like our video :*

I'm blogging when I am busy

I blog when I have piles of things to be done. Yeah that's just me. Hehe, even I don't know why can't I blog when I have free time. Maybe because I prefer to waste my time doing something else when I am in leisure rather than writing :D. And well, hello. It's been a while, can I say? I am about to wrap up my PCM posting. Two more days then I am done. PCM in KK Merlimau is just pretty awesome I must say. Because good doctor, explaining every single things to the blur us, and the nice medical assistant (MA) and nurses keep teaching us about the procedures like how to set iv line, how to do intramuscular injection to patient, how to withdraw blood, and how to nebulize a patient come with ronchi and complains of breathlessness. Alhamdulillah I learnt a lot. and I hope I can practise this when I have become a doctor one day later. The EOP is on Friday morning. Please pray for me. I am not sure I have time to do proper studying as I have lots of articles (only eight actually but for a lazy me, it's considered as a lot ;p) to read and summarize. Never mind, I will try my best to do it.

Currently, I have kind of things lingering in my mind. Not yet to reveal, I will reveal when time permits. Please pray for the best for both of us. Please please please. Amin. :")

And as for today, alhamdulillah we have completed our common programme presentation and again alhamdulillah everybody seemed to enjoy our common programme, particularly regarding the video made by us. Hehe, I am one of the actress heheh :D. please have a look gahahaaha perasan! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td6S7cBAOpE&feature=youtu.be


And well again, I have to stop. I will blog when I really have leisure time. Till then, assalamualaikum :)

Hati

Pernah tak rasa hati korang rabak koyak and kena pijak- pijak and nobody gives a damn? Itulah apa aku rasa sekarang. Sakit. Sangat sangat. 

Our story maybe?

"Will you tell me how much that costs?" I asked him, hoping that he would tell me the truth. He looked at me, drew a smile on his face. :)

"Well dear, the cost doesn't matter. :) Keep it till the rest of your life."

And I wondered a bit, what the hell wrong with him, giving me those things which I guessed would be very very very expensive. A simple, yet beautiful ring ever, written two letter on top of the ring. I stared on the ring few times. And finally, I took and wore it. Nice. ;)

Many years have passed. We grew old. So do our handsome sons and cute daughters. ( Well, I guess they inherit those beauty from me. ahahahah.) He got thousands of wrinkles on his face, but still, he is the most adorable man on Earth for me. I grew old too. I was not attractive like before, I've got black circles surrounding my eyes, the hairs turned grey, and there were lines of dullness throughout my cheeks. You don't have to wear specs to see those, you could clearly see by your naked eyes. But, what impressed and touched me the most, he kept telling me, " My Lady, you are beautiful just the way you are. And I will always love you." He wasn't that romantic before, but when we got older, he turned into a new romantic fella. Geez. It scared me.:"). And dear love, just so you know, I love you too, although your beard doesn't look charming anymore. =p. i love you till the end of my life, now and forever.:)

The routine went well everyday. From the first day of our marriage 50 years ago. We woke up, having breakfast together, usually bread and butter cause we didn't eat much early morning. I get used to his habit. :)

After that, we changed and exercised a little. Err, most of the time, we jogged around the nearest park. I HATE jogging but, because of him, I followed and truth was, if I were unable to jog, I felt something different in me. Well, this was his influence. Cause once upon a time, he used to say this to me." You are fat. Even fatter than a rhino. You have to exercise. " Urghhhh, he was totally getting into my nerves. But, I knew he never meant to say that to me. :) As time passed by, listening to that sentence everyday was a routine, too. So I didn't mind much. :P

After jogging around the park, we used to sit on one of the benches and watched the lake. You know what, there were hundreds of frogs in the lake cause I could hear the sounds. The FROG. One of the animals that I hated the most, once upon a time. But, again, because of him, I didn't know how, eventually, I could touch the frog using my bare hand. Crazy. He changed my life a lot. :) And there were absolutely no problem at all if I've got to watch The Princess and The Frog at this instance. Thanks to him:)

To reminisce back the past, most of my friends knew that I LOVE EIFFEL TOWER like so much. :) And the sweet thing was, I finally reached there. With no one else, but him, appreciating the town of love with him. Together. And that time, we left our twin children ( they were 2 that time) to my parents. That was the best thing I've ever had.:")

And now, we both are already 75. We've got five children and six grandchildren. Millions of memories are there, between me and him. Hey world, I will always love him till the rest of my life. :) we share everything: happiness, sorrow, joy and tears. And just so you know, appreciate your loved one when you have the chance.:) Don't ever regret it letter.

P/s: This is only a story. No relation to the life of the author. But I hope for the beautiful story like this once. So do you, right? :)

Doctor :)

Being trapped in a place called destine,

The little steps that curved on the muddy road

It sticks but yet no turning back to a finer one

It's not a halfway journey it's more than it

Maybe about a little step more then we reach the peak

My mind suddenly thinks about how I got here

With childhood ambition and awesome support that preceeded

And those times when I was confused

Either here or there, either this or that,

The decision was tough, yet undescribable fate across it

and along with it, tears of joy and confusion followed

They were there, they wiped the tears that shed, and they never go

And yes, here I am upon all the obstacles that have been filtered

One phase ended, and the other phase continues

It's hard, yes it is, with no second thought or doubt

To face the screams, shouts they gave when I was on the wrong path

To stay wide awake learning new terms and knowledge from a zillion words in the book

To practise touching with care and examining the unfortunate one to heal them 

To decide what should I do to treat them well

And yes, it is my duty, our duty and responsibility,

as we took the oath in sincerity and modesty

To correct what's wrong any means possible 

To relieve what's hurt the most

But, the power of healing of all is to the Almighty we shall seek

Above all. 

Less than a year, I may hold big and grand responsibility 

And to those who afford to face it shall face it

And may He guide our way, and ease us, 

To continue this good deed, till the last breath of ours. 

And yes, this is a story of a doctor, insyaAllah :)s

Simpan

It is raining outside. Very heavily like cats and dogs. So do my heart. Why? Lemmi keep it in my heart. Everytime I think about it, I waste a drop of my tears. Not a drop, but actually, a bit more I shall say.

Terlalu banyak ujian untuk aku mungkin dari aku kecil hingga besar. Satu demi satu. Mungkin sebenarnya dugaan aku tak sebesar dugaan orang lain yang lagi teruk dari aku. Dugaan aku cuma dugaan hati, dugaan insan lain mungkin tentang benda yang lagi memilukan, seperti kehilangan orang tersayang. Sungguh, aku yakin dugaan ini sangatlah kecil, belum boleh lagi sebenarnya aku gelarkan sebagai dugaan . Cumanya pada aku ia masih dipanggil dugaan.

Dugaan aku mungkin berbeza dari dahulu hingga kini, dugaan yang sungguh berbeza. Tiap kali aku mengenangkan dugaan aku, titis air mata menitik lagi. Ya Allah, bila semua ini akan berakhir? Aku sangat terluka, tapi aku tak mampu untuk luahkan pada sesiapa. Biar aku simpan ketat dalam hati. =( Biar hanya Engkau yang tahu :(

Internal Medicine. PCM is not paracetamol by the way.

As- salam.

Yes, I knew, I got something to tell. During the last weekend I went back home. Yes, back home means Kedah of course. I knew it was just a short short weekend but I couldn't help it, I miss them so much. Alhamdullilah terlepas rindu dah :) walaupun x smpt jumpa najwa. She went back to Intec a bit early as she was still in exam mode, final exam for A level before she will be flying to Yindia. I mean Manipal, the place that holds a lot of memories , as for me and for my other friends too :")

Being back in Malacca means I am now entering a new posting which is Internal Medicine (PCM- Primary health care). I have been in the posting for 2 days already in KK Merlimau. What can I say so far. I kinda like this posting. Because later when I am going to be MO, I'm thinking about specialising in intenal medicine, since my job hours are like office hours. I am a lazy type person hehehe, so being from 8am to 5pm is kinda good things for me, plus, this posting really about a tiny bits of here and there, which means that, it comprises all of other subjects too. :) And this is really suitable for me, because I am a person who easily forgets about things that I am not focused on. Like for example if I specialise in Paediatrics, I will forget everything about orthopaedic, that's my bad and worse side of me. So being in internal medicine, actually, I will and should know about all the subjects which is good for me. and plus point is that, I will have extra time with my family. =) *cewahh dah berangan seyhhhh leklu* InsyaAllah, this will be one of my choice later :)

I hope that I can learn a lot of things in this posting, and can do the procedures and be good with that, so it will make my life easier later as a HO. InsyaAllah :)

Can I be like that?

I don't know why, today I feel so sad. Ermm not kind of so so sad, it's more of I am disappointed with so many things. Trying to do the best you can in certain things, but it ended up that, you were not being appreciated of what you did, it really hurts you know. You study almost every night, thinking that you want to master the topics, but end up you are being accused for not studying and not doing well in performance. It hurts. You don't know where to turn to. Being in front of all of them, and being scolded with harsh words and was labelled as 'stupid questions you've asked' 'irrelevant questions', 'haphazard history' were not a nice things you know. In fact, before I presented, I did have the aim to impress him, to try to show that I am studying, but ended up I spoiled everything. He didn't satisfy with my performance. He said that I did badly in Psychiatry, I should brush up my Psychiatry, and if only he knew that I spent most of my nights ( every night I shall say) just to open a psychiatry book to study. I rarely have the interest that much actually. Not everybody has the interest in Psychiatry. It hurts me in a way. Tonight, because of that, I don't feel like studying, I don't feel like open a book. I just want to rebel, really want to rebel even only I am the only one knowing that I am rebelling right now. Actually, this was just a small part of many things I am going to face later, I think even worse than this. That's why, I held my tears from falling, eventhough during my way back from hospital to my room, I was really about to burst anytime if anybody provoked me. I held it tight, even in my room all alone, I forced myself not to think about what has happened, and what has hurt me.. Let's just think it on a bright side. Let the mistakes become my good teacher. I will try not to repeat the mistakes and try to improve for the next time. There's always next time right? I promise myself to rewrite what mistakes I've made and I'm going to repeat it again and again. Let this be a lesson to me. I really want to be a very good doctor later, not just a doctor on the name, but a really real doctor who can do work very well, who can be a good listener to the patients. I don't want to be mechanical doctor, I want to be a doctor with a good soul and experience.

On the other hand, the things that made me sad today, hmm, I guess about me going or not going back. Mak keep telling me to just go back even the things about the car is not settled yet, because she said so many things she needs to do; to service the car, to repair the damaged part of car, the damaged paint, to refill the gas for aircond. So many things. I know. But, going back more than one time, oh I can't really afford that even I really wish to do so. It's so expensive to go back you know :( I really don't want to burden them this time, I just want to use my scholarship for my expenses, that's all. I hope everything will be just fine. Just fine.

Good thing for today: I learnt something in usrah today, about Firaun's wife, Asiah. She was very loyal and really have strong faith in Allah till she didn't care to be suffering and died just to protect and keep believing in Allah. She should be a good model to Muslimah. Can we be like her? Can we? Just think and muhasabah. 

Let the pictures do the talking :)

Assalamualaikum I bid to all of the readers including you of course. :)

Yes, it's been a while. Too many things have happened recently. Today I don't feel like talking much, maybe pictures will do the talking, am I allowed so? :)

• My group eop party. Party at Ira, Fara and Lina's house. This was one way of jimat you know, because spending money at Johnny is such a waste >.<

• Kursus pra- perkahwinan. Settled. :)

Ira and Me. 

• A visit to Salvation Army. ( For reader's info, I am now currently in Psychiatry posting in my second week already :)

• Belated birthday gift to my beloved.:) It's a watch. Use the time wisely, love. :)

And that are all I guess. Let the pictures do the talking. :) Tomorrow I have case presentation with Dr. Rajagopal. I hope his mood is okay, and I get a cooperative patient T_T Amin. 

Exam politic?

Salam. Just want to update a little, I have finished my end posting examination just left the case power point presentation. Hmm, I was a bit afraid actually because early in the morning, I felt a bit lethargic, tired and there was one episode of vomiting, but nothing came out. It hurts me so much, I couldn't even flip a page in the morning before going for exam in the MGH. This was really a tawakal for me ..:") During the case presentation, I was paired up with the Fara, my groupmate. We started finding the case from Ward 4, however, no good cases were seen. Mostly all because of fractures and have already on fixators. ( It will made hard for us to examine). Then we went to one ward below, there was one case of osteoarthrosis, with kind of a good I may say, plus the Chinese uncle looked very cooperative. On inspection what I noticed, there was swelling seen on the anterior part of right knee, however, he had undergone TKR (Total Knee Replacement) on the left side. We tried to get the history, fara and I alternately asked, and during the time, I was feeling giddeness, and I had this headache. My eyes were wide, searching for a chair at least to sit, but around the nice uncle, the chair was occupied. Then I had to sit just on the floor, squatting to be precise. Then I felt a bit better. Korek and korek to get the history, it turned out that this uncle have come for exam for manipal student many time previously. I tried to ask for symptoms OA but he never mentioned it, yeah it was true he said he's having knee pain but, that was only right after I asked him thou. He kept on saying doctors said he was having infections in the bone. I was a bit confused, and with the unwell state of me, I looked at Fara, then we decided to find other cases because for now, even the examination findings were perfect, but I couldn't dig so much yet, the history. Then, to simplify, we clerked a case of diabetic foot ulcer, a Malay lady, who is also nice and cooperative. The same feelings came to me,, the unwell part then I just squatted asking the permission from the lady. Eventually, Dr. Sendeep came to take our exam, which supposed to be Dr. Nirmal. I presented the history, while Fara presented the examination findings. I couldn't bear with  the smell and maybe at any time I may throw up, better asked her, rather than I closed my nose, it looked inappropriate. And yeah he asked us questions unrelated to DFU, only a little bit about management he did asked. He asked more on Physiology, Anatomy and Microbiology which I had read 4 years back. T_T. Just hope that the results will come out just fine ;)


And one more thing I'm gonna touch today. I rarely speak about politics in my blog, I think never for what I remember, but today I'm gonna speak up a bit. I knew, I seldom read about politics, don't even care to register for voting ( realised when it has closed, couldn't register, too late;p), I knew very very little about politics, even you can ask him how he laughed at me, when I didn't know what's the difference between so called 'parlimen' and 'dun' one time and when I had misinterpretation on usage of ink on the nail. I knew all of that, but, thinking that I didn't know anything I sometimes, just follow and see what's going on, about the issues they've been talking and all. YES, I know that when we talked about PR, we are definitely not going to say PAS and PKR only, so we included the DAP too, they are Malaysians too. What I knew most of Malaysians currently want to diminish all the corruptions in the government, all of us want that. But, as a Muslim, what I really want to, and of course other Muslims too, we want the leaders who can apply all those Islamic rules and lead Malaysia in a Islamic manner, with no corruptions and better nations.

"TGNA should have long back retired, what our Tun M has done, he was too old for that, and let new faces lead the Kelantan."
Maybe the statement is correct at one angle, yes, let the new faces lead Kelantan, but don't you know that Kelantanese were so sad for the retirement of TGNA? They were so so sad. And they deserved too. They are Kelantanese. TGNA has become MB of Kelantan for about 22 years. They live in Kelantan. So they are well aware of that, VERY WELL AWARE of that. And plus, it shows that TGNA has leaded Kelantan in a very good way, they feel sad for the retirement.

Don't simply make a statement about something but you don't actually in their shoes. Yes, you may have your rights to say, your proofs, but still, you are not in the people shoes. Even those who are in the shoes they have other opinions, they are more deserved.

I am attracted to another statement.

"Even Rasulullah s.a.w becomes a leader till the end of his life." Yes, true. I agree with that. Maybe, he was too old for the post previously before the retirement, but as long as he think he could lead the state without any problems, ( and yes, not much of a problems it seems), that's why maybe he decided to continue. Then when he thought of letting other new faces to lead, he retired. :) It is as easy as that.

I am not trying to pro or anti any parties. But, just think. An ulama like that, with new generations, leading our country one day, with Allah's help, insyaAllah Islam will rise again. :) Don't raise any issues on racism or anything. You may think that when other races are on top one day, they may displace Malay's speciality slowly. But, think in a bright side, Allah itu ada. Allah maha melihat. A country with a ulama leader, insyaAllah will make ease by Allah :) Amin.