Hurt

 Assalamualaikum w.b.t 

well, hello. Here I am again. Just recovered from Covid 19 infection Cat 2A about 3 weeks ago. My husband, my parents and my two kids also infected except luckily our first born. Well, he is strong right? Just got his first dose vaccination about 2 weeks prior to our infections. maybe somehow that caused him to be protected again the infection I guess. Sort of. 

Why am I writing today? I feel so hurtful. I have been having these feelings during my school days, now the same feeling appears. am I to be blamed? Am I too fragile to feel broken for just a simple thing? Am I easily touched person?

Tidying Up with Marie Kondo

 I love writing. I still do. But due to time constraint, I could not proceed. Everyday my mind is actively thinking of things to be done on that day, I utilise my planner very well nowadays. Never ending process of learning. But on top of that I miss reading too. I purchased books from Shopee to be read if I have leisure time. ( if any hahahhaha). This was following a series I watched on Netflix, entitled Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Oh my God, I love how she organises things!! Truth to be told I am not perfectionist kind of persons, but seeing things tidy and neat, and in organised way, it makes me smiles, it does spark joy to me.

But again , due to time constraint, I could not proceed to organise. I will do later once I have free time. Too many things I need to organise. My life especially, which I need to prioritise more, my work, things at home like clothes, storages, kids' toys, kitchen stuffs and important things more like, important documents. But again, I could not proceed because I am a mother of three, with a weekend husband. huuuu.. I miss him. I really do. I miss having him around, do things together, cook meal together. InsyaAllah one day after he completes his study we will be reunited again. :) All 5 of us. 

That's all for now. Thanks for reading. 

Changes.

 Assalamualaikum, after a longgg hiatus for about 3 years, I produced a post again. haha

I have plenty of things to be done at work , but I need to stop and relax my mind for a bit. I'm tired, both physical and mentally. 

Before I begin, I would like to share some news. I am now a mother of three since 5/10/2020. My third born, a boy, we named him Muhammad Faheel Affan. He was born @ 38 weeks 3 days via SVD with BW 2. 75 kg, good Apgar score. Alhamdulillah , he is such a cutie like his big brother and sister, and alhamdulillah thriving well. Regarding working, I am currently being appointed as YM in a clinic in Perlis, it is really a big move for me, really ' going out of the comfort zone' kinda situation . I will further share my experience regarding that later, if time permits me. Lols. 

And another news is that, I am happily sharing with you guys that me and my husband have purchased our second house! Alhamdulillah. By purchase I mean, still monthly payment by LPPSA haha. I think this house is going to be our pencen house insyaAllah , we' ll see later on. But for now, I will reside here. I love being here. I love waking up without having to worry about stuck in the traffic jam. 

And I think it is a good place to settle down here, and to raise our little family. 

InsyaAllah. 

In three years time, one major thing that ever happened to us, is , this sudden pandemic that we have never crossed our minds at all dealing with a pandemic! A worldwide kinda situation, our world is being hit by a deadly virus, Covid- 19. I really have never thought of this. At all. But this virus has made too much of changes, many have suffered, many have lost loved ones, many have affected emotionally and physically, and financially. Pandemic taught me a lot of things. From PKP, PKPB, PKPD, PPN, etc. Perlis is already moved to PPN Phase 3 ( Pelan Pemulihan Negara) in which we already achieved few milestones that allow us to reach to this point. 

I am now a PJJ situation with my husband who is currently pursuing his study for master programme in Kelantan. I just hope Allah protects my husband wherever he is. I am now handling my three growing kids alone guys can you imagine. I pee 30 second, I take bath 3 minutes daily. Every second counts when you have a neonate. Phew haha. May Allah keep my sanity and at the same time, make ease of the process of both my husband and I and our beautiful kids. 

Will share with you guys later if time permits me . I need to go. I have tons of work to be done. 

stay safe, maintain SOP, 

XOXO, Fit.

final day 2018

assalamualaikum and good day
hi , everyone who is reading my blog. today will be last day of 2018. time really flies so fast, i couldn't be able to catch them. time can never comes back nor replaced. today marks the end of my 20's life. aghhh so stressful knowing that i am going to turn 30 next year. did i managed to fullfill my 2018 resolution? erm partly, yes. and partly, no. lol
I have enlisted few wishes / resolutions to complete on 2019, hopefully I can.
Please pray for me guys!

DEATH IS NEAR

Assalamualaikum and good morning. Today is the 2nd day of Ramadhan this year, 1439H, 18.5.18
Alhamdulillah, here I am, breathing in this temporary dunya, and wondering what future will hold. and alhamdulillah I am still strong to fast, knowing the fact that I am a breastfeeding mom, and the hunger and thirsty I could be having.
Back to the topic, death/ kematian. The topic is quite serious I know, but somehow we, as Muslim do believe in death and life thereafter, Akhirat, Kiyamat. So, at some point of time, we should remind each other about this topic so that we are not just focusing on dunya life forever. Becausse death is uncertain of time, place and mechanism. All questions will have no answer till the time really comes, because it is Allah's secret. Maybe this is my last ramadhan or maybe I live up to 100 years? I dont know.
Yesterday, we were shocked to have a bad news that one of my college's friend and husband to my batchmate in Manipal, Azim has passed away on the way to work, claimed due to severe head injury from the net. According to close friend, who is MO in the Hospital he was brought to, they CPR him > 45 mins but Allah loves him more. Ya Allah, Allah has tested big, Amy his wife and their two little kids. I just couldn't imagine if I were in Amy's shoes. I guess her now is shattered into pieces like piece of glass, lost someone whom she loves dearly, whom she wishes to live till end of life. And things that saddened me more is, knowing the facts that they both have kids that almost around my kid's age. Allahu, I just dont know that broken feeling. May Allah grant heaven to Azim amin yra. 

Obstacles being a healthcare doctor

Assalamualaikum, first entry for this year. Hehe. Well, hello, currently I am at work, hence, this post is created. Because typing in my house, will be a battle with them, kids. haha. someone will jump on my lap , the other one shout at me, asking me to see whatever things he is doing ( which he thinks super amazing eg, arranging the blocks). Yeah, that is mummy of two look like, I wonder, what mummy of three would look like thou, haha!
Today's topic is about work, how to counsel patient to comply to medications or probably to start new treatment for eg antihpt, insulin, antilipids , in which majority is usually is already comfortable with the common things they have been going through, typical answer from patient that I usually get as KKMO,
" Saya nak cuba diet- kontrol la doktor, saya rasa susah nak makan ubat, sebab tak mau makan ubat selamanya."
" Saya dah biasa makan ubat doktor, saya kadang amik kadang tak, la ni saya janji nak sepenuhnya makan ubat ikut masa."
" Saya takutla doktor nak cucuk insulin! saya takut jarum."
" Saya x mampu doktor, nak beli jarum tak mampu, nak cucuk insulin x dak duit."
" Saya takmaula doctor makan ubat, saya rasa tekanan darah tinggi ni pasai tak lena semalam."  - and this patient came with high bp all along.

Whoever thinks that being a healthcare doctor is easy, please think before saying and please be in our shoes at least a day. You really need a very good rapport with patients, good communication skills to counsel them. Because majority of patients - especially chronic patients are elderly, and being elderly, of course they have their own stand, which you, as a young doctor needs to break in order to maintain their good health or to start treatment to particular disease they are having. It's hard, really. You really need to have a lot of patience to cousel, again and again without being bored. and please document every single thing eventhough they refused them so many times! You can give them time period to think ( in case of antilipid if not that high , or in case of to commence insulin) explain properly to the patients regarding the complications they possibly can have if they dont control lipid level or blood pressure, or sugar level. Explain to them about sudden death causing by heart attack ,or stroke, bed- ridden one. Try to give them situation. What if, they have stroke, who is going to take care of them, who is going to take care of their small children, in case younger patients having hypertension?  You give the worst scenario that possibly can happen, not to scare them but more of, to teach them and for them to prepare for the worst. Some patients can get soften when you explain in a good manner, and with confidence. Explain to them that you don't benefit a thing, you just actually do your job as a doctor, trying to educate people for them to take care of their own health!

In case of insulin, it's very infrequent to find patients who is agreeable to insulin during single consultations. usually, we keep repeating and informing the patients who are at high chance of converting to insulin, those who have uncontrolled bsp and hba1c. Keep bothering them, keep telling them until they say yes for insulin. offer them help and let them know that they wont be left behind once they start on insulin treatment, offer them to come to clinic anytime for consultation if they have  any queries on insulin, about techniques. Pursuate them that insulin needle is as small they cant even see by their naked eyes.

All in all, it depends on our ways on telling patients and consulting them. Together we control sugar, blood pressure and lipid in our body. Eat clean and be healthy people! 

Love💜

Love is blind. Love is hurtful but amazingly curable. Love is to give and take. You don't just put the word love if you don't really mean it by heart. You don't utter you love someone if your heart doesn't pound when you are with that particular someone or something. Why I say love is hurtful? Because we can easily tear apart / break/ disappoint by emotion if your loved one hurts you. It is just simple math literally. Loving someone means you have to sacrifice a lot of things; time, interest, hobby or maybe wealth and health. You don't simply love someone but you forget about sacrifices you need to make. You don't simply love someone but you ignores them at the point they need you or maybe you don't be with them when they are at the point of breaking. It's easy said than done I know.
When you don't sacrifice, what's the points of all those tachycardia you felt back then? What's the point of 'I swear to God I'm gonna take care of you till my last Breath'? Pointless.
Dont forget how hard to reach at today's point of time. Dont forget how complicated things back then. When you got what u wanted, you forgot your vows. When you feel satisfied, you forgot how to console, how to nurture the love, how to feel hard again. Don't regret if you lost your loved one one fine day because of whatever things you might have done but sadly you don't. Don't you regret.

From,
Yours truly.

Humanity

Have you watched/ read recent news nowadays? Be it from the net, newspapers or from other social medias like WhatsApp. The news seem to be of no ending.  I am talking about BULLY. Yes. There were so many bully cases previously but these latest three bully victims were of hot topics, Adik Taqif, Zulfarhan Osman an engineering student,navy cadet in UPNM and the latest one was T Nhaveen, an 18 year old boy.
Adik Taqif was beaten up by the wardens till subsequently he lost his limb due to advanced infection and finally passed away due to a lot of complications.
Zulfarhan was allegedly beaten up, bullied by his college mates, suffered from third degree burn whole body about 80% because of the steam iron, hit by pipes. And eventually passed away, due to severe trauma. Inalillah.
And these few days, we heard the stories about T Nhaveen ( forgive me if spelling error) that suffered brain death, currently in comatose state, again was bullied, hit, sodomised by his old high school friends.

Can you imagine the feelings of the family members especially the parents, relatives and friends of the victims? Allahuakbar. Traumatized, deep saddened, lost hope, disappointed and angry. How could they do to all of them? The parents took care well of these three victims, but were killed/ disabled by a bunch of heartless human beings.

Where is humanity? Where is sympathy? Where is Insanity? Where is love/ affection? Did their parents gave birth to devils? Hmm. With this new generation, the technology is just by the tip of the finger, getting modernized but the mentality, feeling are actually reversing backwards , believe me. What were in their minds while doing that evil acts? Dont they at least have a little bit of feeling pity to the victims?

Do you have the answers to that? Parents, teachers, should they be blamed? Or it was because of the individual problem? The subject of Civic seems of no use. They don't have morals. Maybe just maybe we should take our time,sit back and rethink hard. why It has happened?

Give proper religious knowledge / moral values to your kids, show good act to them, remind them over and over again, the acts and consequences, maybe restrict internet exposure, and most importantly monitor your kids social life. By monitor I didnt mean you being so strict, just enough you know who their friends are, whom they are going out with, their daily activities.

This is for my reminder too. May Allah protect our generation, kids from all those negative influences from outside. Wallahualam.

We are FOUR!

Assalamualaikum and hello. Surprise. I'm here again, first time for this year. Alhamdulillah we are expanding our little littles family as I just delivered a healthy baby girl on 12 May 2017/ 15 Syaaban on Friday @ 10:35H in HTF weighing 2.6 kg . ( today she is 33 days old) after discussion over discussion with my husband, we finally decided to name her Nur Aafiya Farisa Binti Mohd Aliff.
My labor experience this time was as easy as the first one ( maybe a little bit easier since I was G2P1 that time, anyhow, alhamdulillah thanks to Allah)
The night before, the three of us went to Kuala Perlis to celebrate Ayyaz 2nd birthday. Yeah, it was his birthday but ibu and babah were those who finished the meals . Siakap bakar, kailan ikan masin, telur bungkus, tomyam - such a great combo!!! 😘😘 thank God ibu managed to eat those prior to labor. The next day ibu took a leave planning to celebrate ayyaz birthday again in babysitter house. Siap tempah Kek upin ipin lagi ..but Allah has planned that Adik gonna come out on that dah. ( a day after Ayyaz birthday). I started to have contraction ( I initially thought it was just her kicking, yeah second time could also cause confusion you know😂) at 8 am in the morning,but bearable still. I gathered the laundry to wash them. But to my surprise, that 'little kick' became stronger and stronger I couldn't even stand. By that moment I knew it was CONTRACTION. it became frequent to 2 contractions in a minute. I immediately called up my husband around 930 am telling him and asked him to come home. the pain gets so intense I was actually sweating. Phew. But for me it was bearable.
Once my husband arrived, he immediately did a quick VE ( mind you, there was no glove or any lubricant it was painful too lol) then he made a face that, yeah we should straight away go to hospital. He could feel baby's head already!😱😱 I was like, "whattt, I am not ready yet." But we drove to PAC HTF anyway. Along the journey pain got so intense I felt like pushing. ( really! that time I prayed hard I didnt deliver in the car)
Once in PAC, I was asked to stand on weighing machine. It was standard procedure but hey I was really in pain going to deliver very soon. whatever my weight was it didnt even matter. Haha. Once I laid down on the bed, the staffs tried to set up the CTG all. But before they completed doing it, I shouted, "Kak saya rasa nak teran dah ni.". They became panic immediately more than me. Haha. The senior SN ( KUP) did a VE to me, and os was 9 cm already!
They pushed me hard in a stretcher to the LR and after settling the CTG there, a female doctor and a SN attended me. I told her I really wanna pushed.They allowed me to push but anyhow they tried to prolong the time since they wanted my husband to be in to witness my labor ( he was registering me downstairs). I pushed without waiting for my husband and there she was, a little cute Aafiya came out to see the world. 10 minutes my husband came in with shocked face, didn't expect the delivery process was really quick. Alhamdulillah, you know so far my two deliveries really made ease by Allah swt. I am not trying to boast here I had smooth deliveries. it is more like feeling grateful, thank you Allah. Syukur. Tips? I dont have one. Just seek forgiveness from everyone, your husband particularly prior to labor insyaAllah Allah will do the rest.

MO. Who, me?

Assalamualaikum.
Alhamdulillah, we met again. After so so long. You know being committed as a wife, mother, daughter and busiest HO, so due to time constraints I didn't able to write in the blog.
Well blogging is my interest. Long lost interest. Hehe. Writing to be exact.
Now, since I already completed my HOship successfully for 2 years (3 months confinement ), I managed to write/ blog back.

Nurul Fitrilina- just like before, clumsy, lazy girl who got married to a hardworking, nice guy.

Mohd Aliff- my soulmate, love of my life. Just like the old him, but rarely bother my sulking period now a days. Haha.

Muhammad Fatah Ayyaz- our first son, entering 1 year 3 months old another few days, struggling hard to walk and makes steps. Don't give up my son!!! :-)

And apparently we are moving to Perlis very soon. I got posted as MO there, either in KK or HTF ( the only hospital there). I wish to stay in KK, please pray for me!!!

Till we meet again. A lot more stories to be told. Till next time, adios!!!

Breaking point

It really hurt me so much. So so much till I couldn't explain that feeling.
It comes slowly to my breaking point. I am breaking at the moment, pieces by pieces fall off.
Won't this is one of our awaiting moments? But why it seems that us become such a burden to you?
Why us makes you apart from us and avoiding us?
Won't we promise to share all good and bad, hurdles and happiness together?
I tried to tell but it seems less interesting to you now I don't know maybe
I feel so much 'far' from you so much

Maybe at this time avoiding is the solution
Or maybe be silent and not to tell is the solution because you never bother to ask anymore it seems

I am sorry if 'us' burdens your life

I AM TRUTHFULLY SORRY.

Yours truly,
A broken piece of heart.