story

*tiada kena mengena antara yang hidup atau tiada*



Being a kid those days wasn't a good experience for me, not the whole time, but most of the time. Nobody seems to like me much, even my parents, they seem to ignore me, I was kind of black sheep in the family, always make everybody else annoyed with me. Not everybody pleased with me. Sometimes, I tried to find the reason behind, why they seemed to hate me so much. Was it because I was the ugliest in the family sort of, or maybe I did a lot of things that troubled their lives or maybe, sometimes I had the thought that I was not their daughter. Being screamed, babbled, pinched, all those things I have experienced. They love my sisters more than they love me, it seems. And almost every night, my ending of the days were with tears and swollen panda eyes. I woke up every morning with new aims and missions, I wanted to prove them I will be all better when I grew up, I wanted to make them proud one day and I wanted to please them, I knew they have sacrificed a lot for me and my siblings. During that time, I really didn't know where to turn to. I didn't have good friend to share, I couldn't even share it with my sister, it surely would make things worst. Finally, all the sadness and sorrows, I buried deep in my heart. As what I could remember, there was one time, I was being chased from my own home. And that was final, I cried and cried, and there came my little brother, who was very little that time, didn't know anything about hurt and being hurt, he came and comforted me, saying good things, trying to cheer me up. I hugged him very tight, never wanted to let him go, at last there was someone who understood what I felt deep inside. I didn't speak to both my parents for almost a week, then again, I apologized to them, for the things that I didn't even know why I did that. During that time, I did have a diary to tell what I've been through and what was my aim, and my sadness in between. I kept thinking and thinking, trying to search the answer for that, why they hated me much, why they didn't seem to love me, why it seemed that I always made them annoyed with me. Yes, ANNOYED with me. I tried to convince myself that whatever happened, they still love me. still. Because one of teacher has mentioned, whatever happened, your mom always love you, even she didn't show it. I took my teacher's word and kept repeating it played through my head. And I kept praying, I hope, someday I can prove to them, I will be a better daughter to them, trying to pay back what they have done to me, trying to repay those sacrifices they have done for me.. And that time also, fairy tales did have impact on me. I wished that someday, there came the prince trying to save me from this gloom of day, trying to find the light that have gone and trying to cheer me up and enlighten my day.

I think I have found him. My heart strongly said yes, I have found him. But, unfortunately, I think I do always make him annoyed with me, I sulk most of the time and cry almost everyday for no reason. I always put the blame on him for everything's happen, I always hurt his feeling, and the worst part is, I accidentally make him feel guilty for no reasons. To you: I am sorry I have hurt you much, I annoy most of your days, I disturb you with all my problems, I am so sorry. I know, I was known to be a trouble maker girl, I am no good, I am so imperfect. And even now I think I really am a trouble maker, I am SORRY for hurting you a lot these days, making you guilty most of the time, and for the ANNOYED behaviour I have. I just want to tell you, I have a lot of bad behaviours which you know and you may not know. I can't avoid that, I really can't, it just stuck with me. With the problems I made since I was a kid, you knew now right I am no good girl. Please know that. And please know that, I don't have anyone else to carry with me my burdens, I have you one and only. I know, I am not a little girl with good behaviours and less sulking habit, I am opposite to that. Again, SORRY for my annoyance to you, truly sorry. I love you. 

The story of virus

Hey, it's me. I have one story. Please back off if you don't feel like reading. This is no fun, only a fact of life, I mean, my life. And do continue if you are bored, don't have anything to do.

It was all begun about two years, somewhere the place cannot be mentioned. As I have mentioned, I am me, a soul and body of a girl, still intact so far, not yet wandering around. I was protected, with lots of antibodies and B and T cells if some foreign materials came and attacked. Although some kinds of foreign bodies have come, I managed to fight off them, and still survived, and yet still smiling.

One day, without I ever noticed, one strange virus has come to me, known as OU virus. If you flipped your Microbiology textbook, you will never find this such virus, even until tomorrow. It was found to be harmless, but there's one thing that made me attracted to this virus, I didn't know why. It felt kinda weird though, because, it was a virus, but still I couldn't get off it! I tried so hard, my body built so many antibodies, and my T  helper and T killer cells were all there, marching towards one aim, to destroy the OU virus.

For the very first time, I couldn't fight this virus, I really couldn't. All my armies have given up, finally this OU virus invaded me, fully. I didn't know what to act at that time, I just prayed so that, it disappeared but, all my hard works didn't seem to be successful. For the very first time, the invaded virus, OU has made many changes to my life, the positive one. At first, I didn't notice, but as time went by, the changes were all so clear. I just love this virus. I know! It was a virus, why the hell I should be loving it? Hmm, but that's the truth. I LOVE OU Virus. Then, as time passed by, it seemed to get comfortable with my surroundings, my environment. I love it, and I know OU love it too. :).

Good things never lasted. One fine day, we got far and far and finally, the virus seemed unnoticed, in me, my body and soul. I knew, it left many bits of traces of itself, but I didn't have the guts and spirits to put them back to where they belonged, I was so tired to complete the puzzle that the virus has made. :(. Off it went. That was it.

But, I guess my prayers have been heard. Then again, after so long of disappearance, the OU virus has come invaded me, and this time, it felt so strong, even the lightening of fire, or strong rock couldn't break it off. With secondary immunization, surprisingly, the OU virus was detected as own, not foreign. Now, it terrorizes all parts of my body and soul, especially, the pumping heart. It stays there, releasing good things known as four-letters thingy. Yeah, four-letters. I get brighten again, as the day passes. No other virus can do that, apart from OU virus. Maybe, all other viruses are there trying to invade, maybe, but please stop wasting time trying, because this OU virus is so strong, building its castles in me. OU virus, please be there, don't go, please invade me. I need you to be immunized and strong. I need you to fight off many things. I need you for who you are. I don't mind what people might say, I just need you. ONLY YOU. And that OU virus, Only You virus.

P/S : That four- letters, only for you :)