"Real me"

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Tuesday, August 2, 2016

MO. Who, me?

Alhamdulillah, we met again. After so so long. You know being committed as a wife, mother, daughter and busiest HO, so due to time constraints I didn't able to write in the blog.
Well blogging is my interest. Long lost interest. Hehe. Writing to be exact.
Now, since I already completed my HOship successfully for 2 years (3 months confinement ), I managed to write/ blog back.

Nurul Fitrilina- just like before, clumsy, lazy girl who got married to a hardworking, nice guy.

Mohd Aliff- my soulmate, love of my life. Just like the old him, but rarely bother my sulking period now a days. Haha.

Muhammad Fatah Ayyaz- our first son, entering 1 year 3 months old another few days, struggling hard to walk and makes steps. Don't give up my son!!! :-)

And apparently we are moving to Perlis very soon. I got posted as MO there, either in KK or HTF ( the only hospital there). I wish to stay in KK, please pray for me!!!

Till we meet again. A lot more stories to be told. Till next time, adios!!!

Friday, July 10, 2015

Breaking point

It really hurt me so much. So so much till I couldn't explain that feeling.
It comes slowly to my breaking point. I am breaking at the moment, pieces by pieces fall off.
Won't this is one of our awaiting moments? But why it seems that us become such a burden to you?
Why us makes you apart from us and avoiding us?
Won't we promise to share all good and bad, hurdles and happiness together?
I tried to tell but it seems less interesting to you now I don't know maybe
I feel so much 'far' from you so much

Maybe at this time avoiding is the solution
Or maybe be silent and not to tell is the solution because you never bother to ask anymore it seems

I am sorry if 'us' burdens your life


Yours truly,
A broken piece of heart.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Assalamualaikum all.
Haaa it has been a very long long longggg time since I last updated my blog. Being a doctor and a wife ( now a mother) is really busy and challenging.
Currently  I am in my 4th posting, medical. I was able to be in medical 2 weeks before my maternity leave started. And now I have another a month before coming back to work. Dun wantttttttttt.. :(((

Anyway before further a due, I would like to announce another major life event in my life.

 I AM OFFICIALLY A MOTHER NOW ON 11/5/2015. **clapclapclap**
 I gave birth to a healthy baby boy weighing 3.02 kg via SVD with episiotomy.
Name given: MUHAMMAD FATAH AYYAZ BIN MOHD ALIFF, he is exactly 2 months old today:) his current weight is 5 kg. Hee with exclusive breastfeeding... Grow up healthy and be anak soleh to babah and ibu okayyy ;)

Soooo it means now my responsibilities pile up but no matter what alhamdullilllah I enjoy being a wife and mother so far even sometimes I did feel depressed but however with supports all come bacl to normal.

I guess that is all for now. Will update later. Assalamualaikum...

Ayyaz Day 1 of life.

Day 60 of life

Friday, January 3, 2014

I'm someone's wife ;)

Salam everyone. Now I am writing a blog, with a new title. Someone's wife, soulmate and partner in laughters and bad, and yes, how fast time flies, today is our 2 months and 1 day as husband and wife. A lot more to come,I know, but I hope for whatever happen later, we will face it together, I love u so much sayang :)

And for your information too, our final mbbs p2s2 exam is about 24 days left! O Allah. How time flies :( I am still blur, too much to cover, and yet so scared. Please help both of us, all of us to pass with flying colors, be good doctors insyaAllah :)

Actually, a lot of things I want to express, but I will express everything after my exam is over. InsyaAllah :)

I don't what did I do now here in my blog all of sudden, but truth is, he's not in home, he has class, and I am waiting for him to come home ;)

Salam everyone. :)

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Prince charming. :)

Hi. It is raining I guess outside my room. I don't know. I can't hear anything except the sound of the airconditioner and my laptop. Well, first and foremost, thank you readers for I-don't-know-how you reach my blog. Probably I post it somewhere. Today I have my aim on what I'm going to touch upon. PRINCE CHARMING.

Yeah. That is it. Prince charming.: )

For your information, I grew up with the thought of finding one. Yeah, it started since my childhood back then. Maybe influence from the hindi movies I frequently watched (SRK is my favourite yeahh everyone knew about it LOL) on how they met their soulmates and how easily they could fall in love and with the obstacles they had to bear until finally they lived happily ever after. That kind of story I long and I wish.
Sound stupid doesn't it? Sound too fairytale kinda dreams right? But that was the truth. That was my dream.

To begin with, let me tell you guys what kind of girl I was when I was young. I knew truth to be told is quiet humiliating myself but never mind I never wish to be that kind of girl anymore haha. Well, I previously was a girl who kinda playgirl I shall say. Not in the sense of I was soo daymm hot and everyone came rushing to me that kinda thing, not that, but in the sense of me myself who preferred to just entertain or accept for whoever came in my way even I knew that guy was not the guy I looked for or even I knew they were d guys girl would never chase after for. Okay. This is so humiliating but never mind.  I will go on with my story.
Yeah with these guys I texted them when I'm bored, talked nonsense on the phone that kinda things. And tadaaa. And finally it came to so-called love and we became close. See. How easy I was back then. T. T

But deep down my heart, I knew something was not right.
For every guy I met there will always be things got in the way and we finally broke up. Yeah I did feel sad but 2 weeks or more after that, same routine continued.

As I was aging, I had this clearer thought of becoming a doctor which was my ambition since very little. Thus, during my secondary school after form 3, I stopped this habit of just entertaining everybody. I had this aim. And Alhamdulillah, I made it, I got straight A's thus pursuing my study in A level and finally mbbs. And again, the habit continued when I was in my A level except that during the time I was a bit choosy in which those with unclear future were rejected at the initial place. Again deep down my heart, it didn't feel so right falling in love with the random guys. I knew I was bad. I knew.

But these mistakes taught me a lot.

Till I met YOU. Yes. You.

I knew this feeling is special and can never be replaced. This feeling is different. Initially I thought it was just my so called fake love so I tried to resist, but the more I resist the more stronger d feeling I felt. Is this my real love? This was the question that kept me occupied so long back.

Story about my PRINCE CHARMING has faded so long back. Because I hurt too many times so I punished myself and proved myself that PRINCE CHARMING does not exist!

But you gave me hope.
You never say but your eyes did.
You never confessed initially but your care did.
You never faced me but your smile did.

Was it love?

But few things happened to both of us till finally I gave up.
It's like, "I can never get you so please get away kinda feeling. "

And Yes. Again I did very  big mistakes.
I knew you were hurt but I just didn't bother because I thought you never wanted the things I want and if you do, you never tried, still.

And that is LOVE. Allah has written your name next to me and that you are mine so we could get through first obstacles.
You confessed to me and it was the happiest moment in my life.
That was the moment I long.

And to cut short, we managed to face the next obstacles. And yes, now we are enggaged.: )

We are now preparing ourself for our big day, for the completion of our heart.:)
*sambungan bahasa ibunda sebab lagi feel *:)

Maka Allah dah tulis yang kau suamiku dan aku isterimu insyaAllah.:)
Kurang dari 14 hari, status kita bertukar.
Tanggungjawab baru bakal kita pikul. .
Kita bakal bina masjid kita sendiri dengan cinta sendiri atas redha Dia.
Genggam erat tanganku nanti, kita bahagia, ketawa bersama, biar kita tempuhi segala macam dugaan selepas ini bersama. Nangis pun biar bersama.
Aku mahu kongsi segalanya dengan kamu. Ya kamu itu. :)
Mungkin kamu itu PRINCE CHARMING yang aku impikan dulu.
Mungkin tak sesempurna PRINCE CHARMING, tapi apapun kamu,
Baik buruk kamu akan aku sayang seikhlasnya.
Aku harap kamu juga begitu.
Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan kita, jadikan kita suami dan isteri soleh dan solehah, dikurniakan zuriat zuriat yang sentiasa taat kepadaNya.
*Counting days:)*

Untuk kamu, aku sayang kamu kerana Dia.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Incompetent doctor? :(

Assalamualaikum, readers.

Hi. It's 1932 and I should have bathe myself right now, to go to library but well yeah, just wait a while. Today, I feel a bit disappointed, to what comments lecturers have put up during meeting about performances of our groups.

Professor Uduman Ali:" What have you been studying? You should know most of things in medicine now. I thought you guys are only lacking of knowledge and skills in neurology (toughest area in medicine) but it surprised me and it seems that all field of medicines you are all lacking off. You are 10th semester already (final semester before we become a doctor), you SHOULD KNOW everything, just on the tip of your tongue! "

The talk continues by Prof Uduman: "Yesterday, we had a meeting, and this issue has been brought up by Prof Lakshmi. She said none of you are competent for the final exam! Even your semester-in-change ( we know who, and it is Dr. Kolitha)  was also annoyed."

That was it. That was right after my presentation this morning regarding one Neurology case about one pakcik who has this cerebellar disorder presented with only complaints of vertigo. After the presentations, Dr Uduman asked us questions which we supposed to know but we stumbled in answering it, and not properly confident with the answer even the answer was correct.

At that point of time, I felt like going to a place to hide, where nobody could find me, I felt so disappointed and I didn't know what to do. Yeah, we've learnt all of that, but we forgot. We always forget things we should remember. It's not that we don't know a thing, it's just that we don't remember. Prompting to answer without any level of confidence really disappoints me and I know it disappoints our lecturers too :(

From that moment on, I promise myself to work my tail off, study hard and try to revise back the things I've learnt. We've come across about those things previously, and by re-reading and studying won't so much difficult, as it will stay longer in our brain as yeah we've been exposed to that kinda topics.

I know it is our responsibilities to study hard and hard and hard and I know we really should be blamed for that incompetency and lack of skills. We should practise more and more.

I really want to be A MUSLIMAH, AWESOME, SMART, INTELLIGENT, ELEGANT FUTURE DOCTOR,  yes that is my aim and goal.

O' Allah please help me in achieving that aim, remind me if I lost and forget the things I shouldn't. ;)

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Falling in love

Salam everybody.

 Since we postpone to submit our case sheet medicine to Tuesday, I lavishly are blogging right now ,

yeah right now. Hehe. Actually I suppose to study for PBL but yeah take a break for a while.
Anyhow, just want to tell everybody that I am currently already falling in love with medicine.

I don't why but, it just makes me happy when I can come up to a diagnosis after examining the patient.

 It feels as if Malaysia is snowing!

Haha! Pelik kan :P Okay itu sahaja. Salam :) 

Monday, September 9, 2013

random moment




























Sunday, September 8, 2013

You know what hurts me?

You know what hurts me?

It hurts me, knowing that I can't help my parents financially even I need their help,still, as I am still studying.

You know what hurts me?

When I know that they have to sacrifice a lot of things for the beloved children like us.

You know what hurts me?

When they go out to work as early as 6 am for a cent and come back home sometimes late at night, all for the sake of our family. 

You know what hurts me?

When I know they are aging, sometimes they feel tired, their bodies cannot tolerate hard work like they used too.

You know what hurts me?

When I can't do anything but only pray for them, for their good health and rezeki. 

Oh, Mak and abah,

Nurul minta maaf kadang- kadang Nurul ni macam- macam, tak pernah terfikir akan kesusahan mak dan abah lalui untuk membesarkan kami adik beradik.Nurul kadang- kadang pentingkan diri, tak study betul2, padahal itu yang patut Nurul buat. Nurul minta maaf. Ampunkan Nurul. Nurul janji Nurul akan berusaha bersungguh- sungguh lagi 4 bulan untuk menjadi doktor yang berjaya, nak balas jasa mak dengan abah, and nak tolong adik- adik. That what I should do so long ago, as a big sister. :(

Where should I begin?

Where should I begin?

I don't know where to make a start.

I am confused, nobody to guide or give some kind of help.

 And now, I feel lost. Lost in my own world.

Where should I seek for help?

Nobody seems to care much what lingers in my head.

They tend to push me away, just letting me drown

Where should I begin.

Where? and how?