"Real me"

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Thursday, February 21, 2013

Life as it is

What your loved ones may have uttered,
Give so much effects on the life, maybe there was just a small tiny little things,
But it matters, it can be as hurting as a deep sharp blade that penetrates the heart..
The marks we've made, may have crossed, cross and never can undo
Trying to put that out of the mind, struggling to ignore is just a total pointless
Because the marks are there, even there, unwashable and cannot trade with a single smile
I've in this state of confusion,
With so many thoughts surround my soul
Unnecessary, stressful thoughts, pre-occupied my mind
It's a troublesome kinda situation
It is.


Monday, February 18, 2013


I have less than two weeks for this battle, I knew it's already too late, but there goes the sayings, it's better late than never.

Good luck everybody.

Good luck you.

Good luck mi amiga.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

I'm hard to be understood, don't I? Having said that, I am crying for no reasons, I burden my parents and you, I burden my siblings, and those who are around me. Even my parents said that. Then, where do I turn to at last? YOU. Ya Allah, give me strength. I am helpless at the moment. Helpless. 

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Sip of coffee

I give myself 5 minutes to write a poem. That's it. Five minutes, then I have to start studying!

A sip of coffee in the evening
A cold, calm and peaceful weather surround the atmosphere
I'm blessed of what I have and yes I do
Off all the greatest things I have
I can never say no and can never sigh
Why am I being chosen among all others?
Why I should bear the responsibilities of future, why not others?

The answer is simple
Because it is meant to
HE wants it that way
and He believes of my capability to stay strong, to help ummah
To cure those who in need, those who is weak
Strength and choices are all ours
Being in this path long time back I thought it was a mistake
This path ain't easy as it seems
Ain't cooler as it looks
A lot of hardship and hard work I must throw
To be seen and to be appreciated
Time is leaving us behind
O Allah, bless us all, help us to achieve what we aim for, what we long

Saturday, February 2, 2013

The crowds.

I walked and walked over the crowds, they were chit chatting, bargaining to buy something they like, but deep down myself, I was not actually there. My mind was like floating, not touching d real ground... You knew, some good news are real good, yes, there are, but underlying it, we need to face the reality that hurts. That's a good news for me, so happy tite see her excited voice, to feel her enjoyment.. Even it hurts me, thinking that what my future would be, when will it comes to reality,  will that even happen? That kinda bleed my heart. :"). But, Ya Allah, redhakanlah hati ini. Mungkin ini yang terbaik, mungkin ini yang telah ditetapkan.:).
I wish I could share this exploding feeling in my heart with someone, but it seems that nobody even cares to know, cares to ask. Maybe they have the thought that I'm being to secretive perhaps. But actually that is not right. I wish somebody could be here, at this moment, being with me, to face that day later, not alone keeping everything just in my heart... I don't know how to stop these tears from falling.. It just drops... It's okay Fitrilina, this has been arranged lovingly by Him. Face that day with an open heart, happy for your sister, even nobody is there to share during that moment. Don't drop the tears becuase you feel sad, instead let it flow for the happiness in your family.. InsyaAllah I will try even it's hard and even that means you should be alone during that happening day.. :")