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Saturday, December 26, 2009

sedih bukan sadis.

SEDIH. Kali ini terasa nak menulis dalam bahasa ibunda, Bahasa Melayu. Ya, saya berasa sangat SEDIH. Kenapa ini semuanya terjadi? Kenapa mesti waktu-waktu begini. Di saat-saat di mana tak harus aku rasa SEDIH itu. SEDIH bila keputusan yang telah saya buat tidak memuaskan hati pihak yang lain. SEDIH bila keputusan saya dipandang lemah. Ya saya tahu saya bukan orang besar yang tahu semua benda. Ya, saya juga tahu saya bukan manusia sempurna yang memang sempurna dalam semua hal. Saya sedar dan amat faham siapa saya. Tetapi adakalanya, saya harus membuat keputusan yang drastik untuk sekadar melakirkan semula senyuman di wajah saya, setelah saya rasa sudah lama senyuman palsu terlakar sejak belakangan ini. Kembali kepada topik utama: Saya SEDIH. Bila ada insan yang tidak memahami dan tidak cuba untuk memahami. Bertubi-tubi kesalahan diletakkan di bahu saya, tanpa sejenak berfikir apa perasaan saya,apa significant keputusan saya dan yang paling menyedihkan, bila persoalan-persoalan itu diajukan pada insan lain dan bukan saya sendiri walhal saya adalah orang yang harus menjawab persoalan-persoalan ini. Mungkin, apa yang telah saya lakukan di luar tanggapan orang, namun, itu adalah keputusan saya dan saya rasa saya telah mengambil langkah yang mungkin terbaik saya juga tidak pasti tapi sekurang-kurangnya, air mata itu tidak akan mengalir lagi buat sementara waktu. Saya sudah penat dengan masalah-masalah yang menimpa sejak belakangan ini, sudah lali juga sudah capek kata mereka. Semua ujian ini untuk menguatkan saya dan saya amat faham itu. Terima kasih kepada DIA kerana masih menyayangi saya dengan dugaan yang bertubi-tubi dicurahkan supaya mengajar saya erti kekuatan dan kecekalan untuk hari-hari yang akan datang. Ya Tuhan, mereka mungkin tidak faham, mereka mungkin berfikir bahawa apa yang telah saya putuskan agak drastik dan mungkin membawa masalah suatu masa depan, itu saya tidak pasti, namun saya sudah TEKAD. Itu keputusan saya. Mereka yang tidak faham, saya tidak akan menyalahkan mereka sama sekali tidak akan menunding jari kepada mereka, namun sekiranya anda tahu, saya tidak akan menyusahkan anda dan itu adalah pasti kerana ini keputusan saya dan biar saya sahaja yang melalui apa sahaja kemungkinan pada masa hadapan. Ya Tuhan, kuatkan aku dan semoga keputusan ini ada hikmahnya. Hanya kepadaMu aku memohon. :)
Spending the whole day during christmas by watching Dil To Pagal Hai wasn't a good idea at all. Hours that u should spend with studying and facing the books were unsignificant now and please put no REGRET on this because this was your choice Nurul Fitrilina. I look on my table now, see, I'm watching. Tonnes of books waiting to be read, like calling my name each time I glance at them. But, I don't regret anyway, I mean just for today. Cause I learn something new, to cheerish me up again. Hee.... This story is just so sweet and I can't cope with the good-looking of Shah Rukh Khan now, and hoping that I can find someone like him, hurmm, maybe to be my soulmate. Haha. What a high dream. Urghh, I don't care because: I'm a little girl who live in a dream world and keep listing out her new wishes and won't be sad if they don't turn out to be real cause she knows that everything happens for a reason.(: She's the one who will keep waiting for the Raj Kumar ( Prince) to come and bring her away to live happily ever after. Cause she believe in one phrase now:

"Someone....Somewhere.....is made for us."

It is all because of the effect of movie. Hee. But I loike! Hee... Okay, stop talking about movie now fitri and take a step to your studying table. Start revising now or u'll be regret later.^_^


Friday, December 25, 2009

star,moon or sky?

I looked at the stars
Wishing I had one too
Hoping I could touch it with my bare hands
But, a dream remains as a dream
It's there but unreachable
It encircles our life but we are too restricted to hold it.

I stared at the moon,
Be there when it needs to be there
Though it does not as strong as a lighted sun,
Though it doesn't as wide as blue ocean,
A moon is still a moon.
Reflect a small shine just to complete the night.

People may come and go in my life
As what they wish as what they expect
As easy as A B C..
But, spirit to keep going won't never fade
I might put my hands down
I might show the white flag to you
But the heart within this fellow stops me in the middle.

Don't be like a carrot
getting soft and lost when you are tested,
Don't be like egg too
Getting hard and heartless when you are held by obstacles
Be like a coffee bean,
You change the water,
You add the taste,
You fill it with flavour,
Yet, you are ready if you are stopped in the middle.

And again, I glanced at the sky,
Hoping that there is no more cloudy look
Tomorrow and the days after,
Praying that the blue remains the blue and not grey,
And wishing that I still can see the beauty when I open my eyes the next day.
God, I cross my hands,
With a sincere heart and appealing mood
Listen to my prayers this time
And I know you will.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Even I don't understand

Recent mood: urgghh TINGTONG and I don't really like this one. Still in the way to find all those possible reasons for this.And one most prominent reason is because of the UNIS exams which is just around the corner. 52 days, still counting and even that, causes my heart to beat even faster.Tachycardia again.Feeling down and giving up on things at this point of time aren't good ideas. Struggling is the thing that I should do so long before and keep doing that every second. Ya ALLAH, GIVE ME STRONG SPIRIT TO FACE ALL THIS. Prayers that keep me awake everytime. Prayers won't cost even a rupee. Remember that, Nurul Fitrilina. Keep praying to HIM and surely He'll listen.:). Cracking my head, trying to search the second reason for the TINGTONG-recent-mood got me a clue. Personal and personal matters throughout, circulating my head like CSF that keep circulating just to protect the precious brain. (Anatomy a little, opps sorry.=>) Friends and confusing stories, urggh the correct word is the fake confusing story that bugging me all this while. Trying to take care of all's heart but even then, I'm the one who hurts the most, but still trying to chill as what I do now, I guess. People who easily forget me when they are happy really hurts me a lot.:(. Fitri, come on. Grow up. They will find you when they are in trouble but leave u when they are shining again. It's the fact of life dear.:). This is it. I don't give a damn.:(

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


time passes by!

Monday, December 7, 2009


hey dude.how's everything ppl? hee.hope all go fine i guess.ohh,i just finished watching movie.hmm, a scary one.and now, i'm facing this acer lappy cause i miss blogging already.hee.sorry chocolate for not treating u well these past few weeks.I'm INDEED busy with lots of stuff including the study, personal matters,friends and world's matter.:p. And now i can imitate a sound of relief cause everything seems perfectly DONE, except the study.cause it keeps haunting my life each and every second.uff, it isn't 'haunting' me but it's more to encircle my life.that is why we are all called student.(:.apart from this, we just finished a great,superb event called LEGENDA which was held here in Manipal at KMC Green. Malaysian students from all over India came to Manipal. and honestly, I love that! I miss those ppl and they finally came.Talking, chit-chatting and spending time together with these ppl really made me satisfied and enlightens me again.Ohh,how I miss them.

Arisya, Amirah, Shahidi, etc.

How I miss this people only He knows well.
Thanks guys for coming. Later in time, we might be visiting u guys when we do have leisure time in future i guess.Wait for our reappearance later dear friends! muahhx.X0X0..
To those whose name is not listed but u were also there during Legenda, I love you guys too.
And to those who couldn't find any ways to reach Manipal, it's okehh bebeh. But just so u know, I really hope soon, u can come and have a visit here and u won't regret it even I know Manipal is hot and there is no shopping mall here.:P.But the food here is so damn marvellous. :))).

Ohh, off now.My eyes get tired and my hands need to rest a little cause my fun day has ended and here the days of struggling may begin tomorrow. Best of luck to all.Thanks.(: