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Saturday, October 19, 2013

Prince charming. :)

Hi. It is raining I guess outside my room. I don't know. I can't hear anything except the sound of the airconditioner and my laptop. Well, first and foremost, thank you readers for I-don't-know-how you reach my blog. Probably I post it somewhere. Today I have my aim on what I'm going to touch upon. PRINCE CHARMING.

Yeah. That is it. Prince charming.: )

For your information, I grew up with the thought of finding one. Yeah, it started since my childhood back then. Maybe influence from the hindi movies I frequently watched (SRK is my favourite yeahh everyone knew about it LOL) on how they met their soulmates and how easily they could fall in love and with the obstacles they had to bear until finally they lived happily ever after. That kind of story I long and I wish.
Sound stupid doesn't it? Sound too fairytale kinda dreams right? But that was the truth. That was my dream.

To begin with, let me tell you guys what kind of girl I was when I was young. I knew truth to be told is quiet humiliating myself but never mind I never wish to be that kind of girl anymore haha. Well, I previously was a girl who kinda playgirl I shall say. Not in the sense of I was soo daymm hot and everyone came rushing to me that kinda thing, not that, but in the sense of me myself who preferred to just entertain or accept for whoever came in my way even I knew that guy was not the guy I looked for or even I knew they were d guys girl would never chase after for. Okay. This is so humiliating but never mind.  I will go on with my story.
Yeah with these guys I texted them when I'm bored, talked nonsense on the phone that kinda things. And tadaaa. And finally it came to so-called love and we became close. See. How easy I was back then. T. T

But deep down my heart, I knew something was not right.
For every guy I met there will always be things got in the way and we finally broke up. Yeah I did feel sad but 2 weeks or more after that, same routine continued.

As I was aging, I had this clearer thought of becoming a doctor which was my ambition since very little. Thus, during my secondary school after form 3, I stopped this habit of just entertaining everybody. I had this aim. And Alhamdulillah, I made it, I got straight A's thus pursuing my study in A level and finally mbbs. And again, the habit continued when I was in my A level except that during the time I was a bit choosy in which those with unclear future were rejected at the initial place. Again deep down my heart, it didn't feel so right falling in love with the random guys. I knew I was bad. I knew.

But these mistakes taught me a lot.

Till I met YOU. Yes. You.

I knew this feeling is special and can never be replaced. This feeling is different. Initially I thought it was just my so called fake love so I tried to resist, but the more I resist the more stronger d feeling I felt. Is this my real love? This was the question that kept me occupied so long back.

Story about my PRINCE CHARMING has faded so long back. Because I hurt too many times so I punished myself and proved myself that PRINCE CHARMING does not exist!

But you gave me hope.
You never say but your eyes did.
You never confessed initially but your care did.
You never faced me but your smile did.

Was it love?

But few things happened to both of us till finally I gave up.
It's like, "I can never get you so please get away kinda feeling. "

And Yes. Again I did very  big mistakes.
I knew you were hurt but I just didn't bother because I thought you never wanted the things I want and if you do, you never tried, still.

And that is LOVE. Allah has written your name next to me and that you are mine so we could get through first obstacles.
You confessed to me and it was the happiest moment in my life.
That was the moment I long.

And to cut short, we managed to face the next obstacles. And yes, now we are enggaged.: )

We are now preparing ourself for our big day, for the completion of our heart.:)
*sambungan bahasa ibunda sebab lagi feel *:)

Maka Allah dah tulis yang kau suamiku dan aku isterimu insyaAllah.:)
Kurang dari 14 hari, status kita bertukar.
Tanggungjawab baru bakal kita pikul. .
Kita bakal bina masjid kita sendiri dengan cinta sendiri atas redha Dia.
Genggam erat tanganku nanti, kita bahagia, ketawa bersama, biar kita tempuhi segala macam dugaan selepas ini bersama. Nangis pun biar bersama.
Aku mahu kongsi segalanya dengan kamu. Ya kamu itu. :)
Mungkin kamu itu PRINCE CHARMING yang aku impikan dulu.
Mungkin tak sesempurna PRINCE CHARMING, tapi apapun kamu,
Baik buruk kamu akan aku sayang seikhlasnya.
Aku harap kamu juga begitu.
Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan kita, jadikan kita suami dan isteri soleh dan solehah, dikurniakan zuriat zuriat yang sentiasa taat kepadaNya.
InsyaAllah.
*Counting days:)*

Untuk kamu, aku sayang kamu kerana Dia.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Incompetent doctor? :(

Assalamualaikum, readers.

Hi. It's 1932 and I should have bathe myself right now, to go to library but well yeah, just wait a while. Today, I feel a bit disappointed, to what comments lecturers have put up during meeting about performances of our groups.

Professor Uduman Ali:" What have you been studying? You should know most of things in medicine now. I thought you guys are only lacking of knowledge and skills in neurology (toughest area in medicine) but it surprised me and it seems that all field of medicines you are all lacking off. You are 10th semester already (final semester before we become a doctor), you SHOULD KNOW everything, just on the tip of your tongue! "

The talk continues by Prof Uduman: "Yesterday, we had a meeting, and this issue has been brought up by Prof Lakshmi. She said none of you are competent for the final exam! Even your semester-in-change ( we know who, and it is Dr. Kolitha)  was also annoyed."

That was it. That was right after my presentation this morning regarding one Neurology case about one pakcik who has this cerebellar disorder presented with only complaints of vertigo. After the presentations, Dr Uduman asked us questions which we supposed to know but we stumbled in answering it, and not properly confident with the answer even the answer was correct.

At that point of time, I felt like going to a place to hide, where nobody could find me, I felt so disappointed and I didn't know what to do. Yeah, we've learnt all of that, but we forgot. We always forget things we should remember. It's not that we don't know a thing, it's just that we don't remember. Prompting to answer without any level of confidence really disappoints me and I know it disappoints our lecturers too :(

From that moment on, I promise myself to work my tail off, study hard and try to revise back the things I've learnt. We've come across about those things previously, and by re-reading and studying won't so much difficult, as it will stay longer in our brain as yeah we've been exposed to that kinda topics.

I know it is our responsibilities to study hard and hard and hard and I know we really should be blamed for that incompetency and lack of skills. We should practise more and more.

I really want to be A MUSLIMAH, AWESOME, SMART, INTELLIGENT, ELEGANT FUTURE DOCTOR,  yes that is my aim and goal.

O' Allah please help me in achieving that aim, remind me if I lost and forget the things I shouldn't. ;)




Thursday, September 12, 2013

Falling in love

Salam everybody.

 Since we postpone to submit our case sheet medicine to Tuesday, I lavishly are blogging right now ,

yeah right now. Hehe. Actually I suppose to study for PBL but yeah take a break for a while.
Anyhow, just want to tell everybody that I am currently already falling in love with medicine.

I don't why but, it just makes me happy when I can come up to a diagnosis after examining the patient.

 It feels as if Malaysia is snowing!

Haha! Pelik kan :P Okay itu sahaja. Salam :) 

Monday, September 9, 2013

random moment

There

will

always

be

that

random

moment

when

you

suddenly

smile

for

weird

reason.

I

am

melting

right

here

and

 put

 all

the

 blame

 to

you

:[

Sunday, September 8, 2013

You know what hurts me?

You know what hurts me?

It hurts me, knowing that I can't help my parents financially even I need their help,still, as I am still studying.

You know what hurts me?

When I know that they have to sacrifice a lot of things for the beloved children like us.

You know what hurts me?

When they go out to work as early as 6 am for a cent and come back home sometimes late at night, all for the sake of our family. 

You know what hurts me?

When I know they are aging, sometimes they feel tired, their bodies cannot tolerate hard work like they used too.

You know what hurts me?

When I can't do anything but only pray for them, for their good health and rezeki. 

Oh, Mak and abah,

Nurul minta maaf kadang- kadang Nurul ni macam- macam, tak pernah terfikir akan kesusahan mak dan abah lalui untuk membesarkan kami adik beradik.Nurul kadang- kadang pentingkan diri, tak study betul2, padahal itu yang patut Nurul buat. Nurul minta maaf. Ampunkan Nurul. Nurul janji Nurul akan berusaha bersungguh- sungguh lagi 4 bulan untuk menjadi doktor yang berjaya, nak balas jasa mak dengan abah, and nak tolong adik- adik. That what I should do so long ago, as a big sister. :(

Where should I begin?

Where should I begin?


I don't know where to make a start.

I am confused, nobody to guide or give some kind of help.

 And now, I feel lost. Lost in my own world.

Where should I seek for help?

Nobody seems to care much what lingers in my head.

They tend to push me away, just letting me drown

Where should I begin.

Where? and how?

=(

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Happy birthday to me:)

5 minutes post prior to sleep. Go.

Happy belated birthday to me. 

And to all of you, my birthday was on 31 August if you may know. Well, one year is added to my age, which gives a total of 24 years old I've been living in this life.
Age and maturity is not related.

Don't say that if you are older, so you gotta be matured enough in handling things and don't say that you are still young, you are immature to most of things.

As for me, I think I am still not in a fully matured 24 years old lady yet. Hee :P.

 Actually, I'm improving myself to be a full matured lady, because soon enough I have a lot more responsibilites comin up and waiting for me; responsibilities as a wife, as a doctor and insyaAllah as a mother and most importantly as a muslimah.

And hence, I did try my best to accomplish this mission of being matured in so many ways.

And I know sometimes I stumble, forget my missions, and lost with the impermanant life of world we are staying.
Hey, Nurul Fitrilina, happy birthday :)


Okay, time's up. Add up another 5 minutes, I've got lot to say, still. :P


And anyhow, about my current updates, I just sent off my sister at KLIA to Jakarta to pursue her study in medicine. Best of luck sister. You can do it. Be a good muslimah doctor insyaAllah, and we can open up a branch of clinic later together insyaAllah amin amin. :)

From left: Me, Adik Wa (my 3rd sister), Ina (2nd sister). :) Love them so much!


To my surprise, I met with Mr. Razib, Miss Suriany and Madam Ozie, who were my former lecturers in KTT, a place where I did my A level. So glad to seem them.:")

With Mr Razib, my math lecturer :)
Last but not least, I've watched CHENNAI EXPRESS, thanks to him :") As always, SRK is always adorable :)

Okay gotta stop. It's about time.

Pray for me, currently I am in MEDICINE posting, which is one of the important posting, in which a great amount of marks will be carried forward for final exams, P2S2. May Allah bless :)

Thursday, August 29, 2013

My endless love


Now I know the feeling.
True to what they said.
Once your status has changed, your heart will be as soft and sensitive as cotton.
It's great knowing the fact that you gonna have your own family tree very soon, but my heart aches even worse when knowing that this family tree will soon be changed with 2 extra members.
Yes, it's good n simply best having extra members but afterwards,
 u can no longer act like a child,
doing things like nobody cares,
 because there is someone you should take care of.

To mak, abah and my siblings, for whatever happen after this, I hope we can still have this family picture like this again like always. :)


 from, Me, who misses you guys a lot.

beach and you, inseparable. :)



You know what I miss?

I miss the beach.

I miss sitting at the balcony by the beach,

Watching over sunrise with you

While we are eating scrambled eggs and toasted bread with cup of coffee I've made for you

After Subuh jemaah together in the early morning

Discussing about our future

While I smile at you and you smile at me continuously

Once a while you hold my hands and kiss my cheeks

Nodding to what I've said.

Then, we make a morning walk from end to end of the beach, playing by the seaside

Scribbling our names on the sands,

I love that and I miss that. I said 'miss' although it has never happened before.

Because I want to miss about it everyday.

 I want to make it as our routine later when we have free time.

Escaping from busy life of a doctor, and find a getaway near the beach

With only you. Just you. You know who you are. :)





Monday, August 26, 2013

E- Day :) 24/8/2013

Alhamdulillah selesai semuanya :) Doakan yang terbaik untuk kami k semua :)









Thursday, August 1, 2013

Don't be too hard on me,

because I am thoroughly bruised too. 

Langkah itu.

Kenapa begitu laju kau berlari tinggalkan aku di belakang?

Langkah kamu terlalu laju, tak mampu aku menapak.

Jangan berlari tinggalkan aku?

Nafas aku mudah tercunggap cunggap

Hati aku mudah retak

Aku sungguh tidak kuat untuk mengejar

Dan tidak mampu untuk aku panggil

Kerana mungkin terlalu kerap kali kau asyik menungguku

Pada nafas aku yang cepat laju

Pada badan yang cepat lelah

Pada emosi yang cepat diganggu

Andai aku tidak mampu panggil,

Janganlah pandang ke belakang dan mencari aku

Mungkin jiwaku sudah diambil Tuhan

Teruskan langkahmu yang laju

Mungkin ada teman yang seiringan dan sekuatmu di depan barangkali

Tidak seperti aku yang langkahnya payah amat

Aku tidak mampu, tidak mahu hentikan langkahmu lagi,

Aku tiada kekuatan itu. 

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

=)

Terharu nya :")

Thank you Allah :) 

May this love is permanent and grant us with your blessings, 

with numbers of pious children of ours  

and let our loves be towards You & You only 

till our last breath insyaAllah amin :)


Sunday, July 28, 2013

How?

It's weird how people still remember and haunt by it but those who was d main 'actor' or 'actress ' actually already forgot about it and they have moved on so long back. I did. I had moved on and never even remembered good or bad things about it anymore. And I sometimes have thought that it never happened to me. It shows how 'not important' the memory was and not to say I was traumatized to it, I just don't care anymore. I knew I've been so foolish so long back falling for wrong people. And I made mistakes by falling for random people just to move away from you. Just wanted to forget u and denied all the feelings inside which were only for you not anyone else. I regretted and already forgot about the past. I want to treasure and pass these days with you till my last breath insyaAllah. Pardon me if most of the times I am the most terrible human being on worth with regards to hypersensitivity of emotion or even stupidity of my dark side or even jealousy for no reason. I don't want to make d mistakes I've made before. I may be worst human being at times but for whatever happen, I hope for a future with you, our kids and kins
.:)

Friday, July 26, 2013

10.

Us. :) 

Is 10 is our lucky number? :)



Thursday, July 25, 2013

:(

Today,

 at this point of time,

I don't feel right 

and I feel so scared. 

I wonder why :(

Pallor vs. cyanosis

Anemia's Pallor vs Hypoxemia's Cyanosis

What is the difference between the causes of pallor and cyanosis?

Pallor = Pale
Cyanosis = Blue

Anemia causes Pallor.
Hypoxemia causes Cyanosis.

So what are the differences between the mechanism of Anemia and Hypoxemia?

Think of our blood as a giant River, a RBC as a Ferry, our hemoglobin as red Cars on the ferry, and oxygen as People.

RBC in Blood, represented by Ferry in River
Hemoglobin in RBC, represented by red Cars in the Ferry

Oxygen dissolved in blood, represented by People swimming in River

4 Oxygen bound to 1 Hemoglobin, which is in the RBC,
represented by 4 People in 1 red Car, which is on the Ferry.
What the ferry does is that it transports people from one place to another. (like how our RBC transports oxygen from our Lungs to our Tissues.)

The thing is, the red Cars are always on the ferry, never leaving it. And the ferry is so BIG that it can never go near the river bank, so People have to swim from the river bank onto the Ferry. (like how oxygen first have to get dissolved into blood first then only get into the RBC's Hb)

Once these People get on the Ferry, they instantaneously get into the red Cars, which can only fit 4 People per Car. (4 O2 molecules per hemoglobin)

The amount of People in the red Cars = the amount of Oxygen bound to hemoglobin.
The amount of People swimming in the River = the amount of Oxygen dissolved in the blood.

Cyanosis is seen when the red Cars, which have 4 seats, are not adequately seated with people, hence they are "people-empty".(like how our hemoglobin is not saturated with oxygen)

So what can cause our red Cars to be "people-empty"? Quite a number of things! Here are the examples of the 2 main causes.

Cause 1 : Very little People swimming in the River (low dissolved O2)
This can be due to problems at the River bank (alveolus). This causes less people jumping from the River bank into the River(less oxygen enters blood from alveoli). And therefore, there are less people swimming in the River, which leads to less People being on the Ferry.
There can be many problems which lead to less people jumping from River bank into River, such as people not being able to get to the River bank, or something is barricading the River bank, or there is no blood in the River etc. (these will be covered in a seperate post, stay-tuned!)

Cause 2 : The Car has been Transformed! (Methemoglobin)
Think Transformers! When the car is transformed, obviously there will be less People sitting in the seats. Infact, nobody can seat in the seats of a transformed car!

Those above are the causes of cyanosis, which happens when the red Cars are kinda "people-empty". Pallor, on the other hand, happens when there is lower number of red Cars on the Ferry. Less red Cars, less redder the Ferry is! You can have a million People swimming in the River, but if there are less red Cars on the Ferry, things are still gonna go pale!

Look at this Ferry, it has so little red Cars that..
..it made its surrounding go PALE!!

And hence, that's the analogy of the basic idea on what causes Pallor and Cyanosis. :)

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

True love :)

"True Love"- PINK
(feat. Lily Rose Cooper)

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings
Just once please try not to be so mean
Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E
Come on I'll say it slowly (Romance)
You can do it baby

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

I think it must be love

Why do you rub me up the wrong way?
Why do you say the things that you say?
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be
But without you I'm incomplete

I think it must be
True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you (like you)
No one else can break my heart like you (like you)
No one else can break my heart like you

Monday, July 22, 2013

Doctor has no life is it?

Salam Ramadhan. Hey, all of a sudden just now, I have this thought about what am I gonna be a year later? Am I going to be a good doctor who treats patients well? Or am I gonna regret of getting into medical school? Or am I gonna complain about every single things that a doctor will face like lack of sleep, lack of nice food, and tonnes of works to be done? At this point of time, I don't have any idea what doctor I will become. Actually, LESS THAN A YEAR, I will be a doctor and I will be having Dr. title in front of my name. Dr. Nurul Fitrilina Bt Mustapa. What kind of doctor I will become, only Allah knows. I just hope and pray that I can be a very good doctor, never put a sigh in everything I do, keep on remembering THE ONE up there even in a busy day and do this job with an open heart and maintain the honesty. I know it's going to be hard, in fact if, Allah's will and I will be getting married even before housemanship, and by the time I will become a doctor, I will have to sacrifice a lot. Despite of busy works at the hospital with the on-call and all, I have to take care of my husband, make sure he gets what he needs, loves him and never tired of my responsibility. And again if Allah's will, if I get pregnant during housemanship too, a lot of things I have to bear. With my tired body with the baby kicking inside, I still have to take care of the patients too, never ever regret of what has destined.

Ya Allah, I know it is going to be hard, based on seniors' experiences I have seen, what they have put in their facebook statuses telling about how busy everyday is and how regret they entered medical school before, I can never give up. please Ya Allah give me strength and courage, to bear with this, and to hold this responsibilities as a doctor, as a Muslim in a good way possible, not only me but of course to my future husband too(insyaALLAH) so that we can be strong facing the hard time in future about the busy life as doctors and your slaves. I know, in fact, even now I have to get used to this busy life, make sure I don't mix the emotions with the works and I really have to do that, as I am known person who is so emotionally attached.

May Allah ease our journey, to my future husband and my friends too, so that we can be very good Muslim doctors in future to help ummah. Amin :)

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Dysmenorrhea and infertility? Or no period pain may cause infertility?

Assalamualaikum I bid to everybody. It's 1946 in the evening, and actually at this time, I am supposed to break my fast but since I am not fasting (exception for women during ttttteettt period), so I am still lavishly blogging without even taking my bath yet. Never mind, after I take a bath later, lists of things I have to do actually.

  • Tidy up my room and unpack things I bought in mydin just now.
  • Lipat all my clothes that have dried.
  • Open up a Paediatrics book and start studying. 
Well, yeah , a lot of things actually to be done for tonight. What for dinner? Hmm, I had just finished eating Dominos pizza at around 430 pm after I came back from shopping for food in Mydin. So, right now, my stomach is still full. And I bet, it will make a noise of hunger when it is around 11 pm at night later, and during the time, maybe snacks will do :)

Yeah, actually, the point I'm gonna write today is about one topic my friend suddenly made a statement when I talked to her about my back pain during menstrual period in which previously, I have never experienced any period pain. Her statement is like this, "Bagus la kan ko dah ada period pain, kalau xde period pain kan tak subur.." I made one kind of weird face all of a sudden, trying to object what she said. 'Monolog dalaman' in my heart goes like this, "Errr, ko nak cakap aku tak subur ke, sebab terang- terang memang aku tak perrnah ada period pain kot".. But, I replied in a firm and confident way. "Eh, x la, mana ada, even mak aku n adik beradik aku  yang lain tak pernah experienced period pain kot. Beranak je kat kitorang 5 beradik." And well yeah, my mom, didn't even have any period pain BEFORE. I have asked her, because I knew it is kinda weird cz most of my friends have period pain but I didn't. But then my mother replied, "Mak tak pernah ada period pain pun tiap kali period." Then I feel a bit relieved. Oh, okay hahaha. It is actually genetic kot, I made an assumption. 

And suddenly I think about something. Actually, those with severe period pain (dysmenorrhea) may have some kind of problems (not all, but just a small percentage of it), like endometriosis or adenomyosis in which in this condition, they may have very sever dysmenorrhea and sometimes dyspareunia (pain during sexual intercourse). And even those without any symptoms also can have these mentioned conditions. And even while googling, I tried to type, "Does those without dysmenorrhea may have infertility' and yet most articles turn out that questions people ask whether or not dysmenorrhea may cause infertility. 

That's all I'm gonna explain. Moral of the story: Don't worry if you have or don't have dysmenorrhea, it does not affect your infertility unless there is underlying problems. :)

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Dark Side- Kelly Clarkson

#np Dark Side- Kelly Clarkson 


Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away

Don't run away
Promise you'll stay



*p/s: everybody has their dark sides. Me too, no doubt. 

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Ramadhan and paediatrics.

Now I am in paediatric posting already, dealing with kids, kids and kids! :D Nasib baik cecomel je mereka :))) I love kids, I do. For me, all kids are too cute, with their expressions, when listening to their babbling, and new words coming out from their tongues, and when they asked for food. So cute. :D Dapat main dengan anak orang dulu la, anak sendiri lambat lagi :D. Tomorrow I have another short cases with Prof Manon, and yeah she is scary you know. She could throw any random words just like that: rubbish, disgusting, idiots. just have to bear with these words. I knew initially, I don't like people throwing bad words to me, as I prefer they teach me in a right way , then only I will learn more without any stress. But as time goes by, I know that we don't get what we want kan? :) So, I just accept for whatever words they might throw, I just accept it with open hearts. Because I know that a lot of very very bad random words may come out from the superior later when I have started working as housemanship. I could use this as my practice kan, practice to bear harsh words :) Especially in this blessed month of Ramadhan. Oh ya, alhamdulillah I love Ramadhan :) trying to improve what I am lacking. ;) 

And I have a bad dream last night :( Oh Allah, please avoid me with those dreams, and please protect me and my beloved ya Allah, and please ease our plans, and I know the best planner of all is YOU, the almighty. 

Oh, ya, that's all for now. ;)

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Mirrors

I know I have mentioned about this: There are two things that made me so easily shed my tears off. You and my family. And it's obviously, undeniably true. Even a single little thing, don't even relate to me, I will cry or maybe the least is, my eyes get just watery a bit. It hurts you know when something wanders your heart but you are not able to let out to others as it is about your family. Even worse is, when you can't tell your family about what you've been feeling as you don't want to hurt them or you want to burden them.

One solution now is, let me put a distance a bit from them, because I know, hearing their voice is just enough to make me cry. I don't want them to know. I really don't want them to know. Then, tak balik it is. Stuck here then, it's okayy fit.. you are strong enough for this :')

#np Mirrors- Justin Timberlake

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallell on the other side


Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


Aren't you somethin', an original, cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you, you reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time


Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


You are you are the love of my life


Baby you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are


You are you are the love of my life

Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do


You are you are the love of my life

Sunday, July 7, 2013

a lot of difference

It wasn't like this way when it was about others, but when it is you, I am so emotionally attached. As in when things go too much of a great things, or even if things go wrong, my tears tank easily get filled. It is not when we are in this relationship, it happened even before than that. It just happened even when I got to know you, when we were teenagers back then, or when we were so young, still in the fairytale kinda things. (as for me). I, sometimes, questioned myself, when you were not yet mine, and when I was confused with my feelings, and when I didn't know whether you really have a 'thing' for me or not, I questioned myself did you the right one for me? Did you my soul mate, the word I keep hearing in a movie, even in what people's say. I prayed and asked THE ONE up there, was he really soul mate of mine? Because I didn't want things to be happening before. I made a lot of mistakes. I did. I easily got dumped. Yes, I knew it was kinda a weakness I have, that I told you already, but that was it. That was about it. Not once or not twice I've been in the same shoes over and over again. I've been there for quite so many times, and even my friends noticed it and they advised me not to easily put trust on men. Because you know, they are men. Men and their lies can't be separated or men with their sweet words are best friends. (I'm not talking about all men, it was about most of the men. :) But with you, it was different. I knew that. I knew that all along. But ever since all those mistakes I made, I tend not to easily put trust on men and that's why I think having crush on you back then was a mistake.

Truth to be told, things happened, explained itself. And yes, you are really really different from those men out there, or those men I've ever been with. You are different. And yes, it is in a good way. And here you are, with me, and still counting, insyaALLAH and ameen I shall say. :)

I don't know why I put this one up, or why this kind of post was produced. Maybe because this simple thing that happened, I couldn't go out with you having western food that I've been dreaming eating since morning, craving for it, but it turned out that, yeahh you couldn't make it. And just yet, the tank of tears filled all of a sudden. And that was why this post was published.

 One thing to stress here, even a small little thing does shake my emotion when it is about you, either good or sad one :") *P/s: Never mind , I am just fine, maybe next time we can have our western food together please? I am so craving of it. And yet for tonight, maggi it is :) It's okay, as long as my stomach is filled.

That's all I'm outta here, because I'm gonna make my dinner. Salam

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

ALF 13

Salam I bid to everybody. I just came back from eating outside with my friends, actually it was supposed to be group night out but since everybody suddenly cancelled last minute, only four of us (all girls) went having our dinner outside. Anyway, the reason I am going to write today because I want to express what I've been feeling lately.

Last weekend was one of the greatest weekend I have ever had. :) And I don't have to explain much am I? :)
Spending two days with you, and together with my siblings gave me such a great feeling and I was so happy. ;) And that was the first weekend ever, I had a special date with you. Special on our special kind of way. And lots of things we've been talking and discussed like matured adults. :) yes we are, as we are turning 24 already. (by the way, you are 24 already :P). We discussed about our future, you talked, I listened, and when I talked you listened patiently. We had our plan, and so much plans ahead, and may Allah ease our way and may the plans will end with success.

One of my wish since I knew you and since I was attracted to you. I want to be your legal wife. I want to be the mother of your children. I want to be the person you share your joys, sadness and the person you are happy with till the end of your life. And Alhamdulillah we are turning into it. I hope whatever decision after this raya, is the best for us, and I hope Allah ease our way, and I am ready for it and I hope you too ;)

And for the first time, I feel so happy with this decision, only He knows how much smiles I have in this heart, if you may know. And for that, being someone's else wife isn't easy. It's too much responsibilities I have to bear and I have to take care of my husband's well being and I have to pour enough love to him. By that, I mean, I have to improve so many things in life, in doing household chores as I knew I might be busy after this being as a doctor. For whatever reason, I should put that aside, and I still have to take care of him, my husband. And for that, I should improve everything within this four months (insyaAllah if Allah's will).


  • I should learn to cook well (you always said I didn't know much about cooking;p) because I don't want my husband to be so skinny after the marriage hehe, 
  • I'm gonna have to change my sleep pattern. Wake up early and make a proper breakfast. (as for me and you as I too need this proper breakfast to prevent recurrence of hypotension as what has happened today).;p. 
  • I'm gonna take care of his heart, trying to limit my daily or weekly merajuk, and only merajuk for special occasions. (eh bleh plak cmni kan hahahah, and if you read this, I AM SURE you gonna tell me this over and over again hahah)
  • Save my money for good things :)
  • Last but not least, the MOST IMPORTANT one, is to improve myself, for a better muslimah insyaAllah. I knew I lack a lot of things about this, I have so many weakness, but as Ramadhan is getting nearer and nearer, I want to improve my salah, my ibadah and Allah, please ease my way please :") I want to be a good wife and good muslimah too . :)
And that is for now. Gonna write later if I have the extra things to be done, but forget to tell you. Please pray for me and him , and may Allah ease our way for good deed. Amin.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Bye bye PCM, you will be missed, especially KK Merlimau

Done with family medicine posting. Next would be Accident & Emergency posting.
Time flies so fast. :) And by the way here are some pictures in A&E posting :)







Oh and forgot to mention, we've done our common programme. here are some pictures. ;) they like our video :*





Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I'm blogging when I am busy

I blog when I have piles of things to be done. Yeah that's just me. Hehe, even I don't know why can't I blog when I have free time. Maybe because I prefer to waste my time doing something else when I am in leisure rather than writing :D. And well, hello. It's been a while, can I say? I am about to wrap up my PCM posting. Two more days then I am done. PCM in KK Merlimau is just pretty awesome I must say. Because good doctor, explaining every single things to the blur us, and the nice medical assistant (MA) and nurses keep teaching us about the procedures like how to set iv line, how to do intramuscular injection to patient, how to withdraw blood, and how to nebulize a patient come with ronchi and complains of breathlessness. Alhamdulillah I learnt a lot. and I hope I can practise this when I have become a doctor one day later. The EOP is on Friday morning. Please pray for me. I am not sure I have time to do proper studying as I have lots of articles (only eight actually but for a lazy me, it's considered as a lot ;p) to read and summarize. Never mind, I will try my best to do it.

Currently, I have kind of things lingering in my mind. Not yet to reveal, I will reveal when time permits. Please pray for the best for both of us. Please please please. Amin. :")

And as for today, alhamdulillah we have completed our common programme presentation and again alhamdulillah everybody seemed to enjoy our common programme, particularly regarding the video made by us. Hehe, I am one of the actress heheh :D. please have a look gahahaaha perasan! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td6S7cBAOpE&feature=youtu.be


And well again, I have to stop. I will blog when I really have leisure time. Till then, assalamualaikum :)

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Hati

Pernah tak rasa hati korang rabak koyak and kena pijak- pijak and nobody gives a damn? Itulah apa aku rasa sekarang. Sakit. Sangat sangat. 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Our story maybe?

"Will you tell me how much that costs?" I asked him, hoping that he would tell me the truth. He looked at me, drew a smile on his face. :)
"Well dear, the cost doesn't matter. :) Keep it till the rest of your life."
And I wondered a bit, what the hell wrong with him, giving me those things which I guessed would be very very very expensive. A simple, yet beautiful ring ever, written two letter on top of the ring. I stared on the ring few times. And finally, I took and wore it. Nice. ;)

Many years have passed. We grew old. So do our handsome sons and cute daughters. ( Well, I guess they inherit those beauty from me. ahahahah.) He got thousands of wrinkles on his face, but still, he is the most adorable man on Earth for me. I grew old too. I was not attractive like before, I've got black circles surrounding my eyes, the hairs turned grey, and there were lines of dullness throughout my cheeks. You don't have to wear specs to see those, you could clearly see by your naked eyes. But, what impressed and touched me the most, he kept telling me, " My Lady, you are beautiful just the way you are. And I will always love you." He wasn't that romantic before, but when we got older, he turned into a new romantic fella. Geez. It scared me.:"). And dear love, just so you know, I love you too, although your beard doesn't look charming anymore. =p. i love you till the end of my life, now and forever.:)

The routine went well everyday. From the first day of our marriage 50 years ago. We woke up, having breakfast together, usually bread and butter cause we didn't eat much early morning. I get used to his habit. :)
After that, we changed and exercised a little. Err, most of the time, we jogged around the nearest park. I HATE jogging but, because of him, I followed and truth was, if I were unable to jog, I felt something different in me. Well, this was his influence. Cause once upon a time, he used to say this to me." You are fat. Even fatter than a rhino. You have to exercise. " Urghhhh, he was totally getting into my nerves. But, I knew he never meant to say that to me. :) As time passed by, listening to that sentence everyday was a routine, too. So I didn't mind much. :P

After jogging around the park, we used to sit on one of the benches and watched the lake. You know what, there were hundreds of frogs in the lake cause I could hear the sounds. The FROG. One of the animals that I hated the most, once upon a time. But, again, because of him, I didn't know how, eventually, I could touch the frog using my bare hand. Crazy. He changed my life a lot. :) And there were absolutely no problem at all if I've got to watch The Princess and The Frog at this instance. Thanks to him:)

To reminisce back the past, most of my friends knew that I LOVE EIFFEL TOWER like so much. :) And the sweet thing was, I finally reached there. With no one else, but him, appreciating the town of love with him. Together. And that time, we left our twin children ( they were 2 that time) to my parents. That was the best thing I've ever had.:")

And now, we both are already 75. We've got five children and six grandchildren. Millions of memories are there, between me and him. Hey world, I will always love him till the rest of my life. :) we share everything: happiness, sorrow, joy and tears. And just so you know, appreciate your loved one when you have the chance.:) Don't ever regret it letter.

P/s: This is only a story. No relation to the life of the author. But I hope for the beautiful story like this once. So do you, right? :)