future

Saya cakap saya nak pause kan? Seems I can't do that. Haha! :) Ade je benda nak dingarutkan.
Nothing much, just so you know, all my future plans, there's always you in it. Always. That's why, if an expressionless of yours coming out from you voice ( I knew you didn't mean it love, I knew:), I feel a bit sad., actually sadness between mild and moderate. But yeah, never mind. I understand. Sometimes, hey come on, there's no need of an eager face and smile kan. Hee. ;) . That's all for today. :)
Good luck for those who are having end posting exam tomorrow. Good luck, esp to you. :)

Pause a while ;)

Taking a pause from blogging. Will update later ya after the exam. ;)

#nowplaying: Hati Ini Telah Dilukai. - Ajai dan Kris Dayanti. 

I'm sorry for all the burdens

I blink and blink. I look here and there, up and down. I peep through my red money bag ( the purse actually) . It is as thin as the morning air. I am so desperate. I don't know where to turn to. I really don't want to burden them, really don't. How can I survive for that long, nearly two months? Everytime I called them, listening to their voices and what they do everyday, wake up as early as 6 am, making the way to the morning market for abah, selling goods for the mothers to cook, each pack of onions equals to about RM2 and mak drove her car to school, never tired of teaching small kids, learning how to add, minus, multiply and divide. Not much money they can make, but enough to raise us all five up till now.

How can I call them and ask for money this time? They spent for me a lot, I don't have the strengths to burden them anymore, I really can't. Even to pay all the moneys they have spent for me isn't enough. Yes, I am born to a middle class family, just enough to live, not much money for luxury, but Alhamdulillah, I still appreciate it. Thank you, Allah. :")

Maybe, there will be someway waiting for me ahead. Maybe. Still, I don't want to burden them for me, no more. Let's launch diet! Maybe this is my way to be skinny. :)

End of Long Case Ortho

Today was a long case EOP day. Alhamdulillah, just leave the rest to Him, The Almighty. After this, I have to finish doing my portfolio, two long cases and four short cases. Then, I have to start studying for the mcq and meq.

But before all of that, what I need to do are:

• tidy up my room
• wash my dirty clothes
• keep away my clean clothes
• Badar war, usrah homework

that's all. 

Note: Just so you know, maybe, after this, I will never mention about anything even I really want you to ask me. If you do remember, do ask me, but if you don't, no reminder again like that. I will not blame you, it's not your fault, because it really a small thing, but such a small remembrance about small thing of mine, really please me. :) It kinda hurt actually, when you have to remind somebody to do something so many times, but they always forget, as if they don't care about you. :(. Peace! Smile again! :)

Salam. :)

Logam

Logams. Do I have those? I have searched countless times, but it seems that I don't find any. Not a single thing. *sigh*

They maybe have, but I don't. Or maybe, I don't have the chance to discover that., maybe? 

I know, somewhere, I do have my own logams, but maybe not now, even there are certain things that at 

first, I really thought they are my strengths but they aren't.

 I lose the talent, slowly and slowly and it leaves me unnoticed without warnings.

Goodbye. I would like to close my eyes now, dreaming at my dreamed places, trying to find peace and 

calm, because deep down my heart, it slowly eats my soul away. SLOWLY. 

I used to have them, but not now. I USED TO. 

The Proposal. Sandra Bullock

Owh, I love this wedding gown! So classic and yet simple. Okay, note this! One of my list. Haha. Yeah, I know, it might seem a bit too early to plan about this, but I just scared that I might be forgotten about this one of the beautiful gown I wish to have when one day the right time has come. Hee. :P

A bit bigger for her, but when it is adjusted, it fits to her body :) -The Proposal, Model: Sandra Bullock-

I so love this!

Doesn't she look so beautiful? ;)

The drawing.

Hari Abah Sedunia. :)

Happy Father's Day, abah. :)

I will always love u. :)

Medical student Part 1

Today, I learnt about something, a quality that I really should have had in me, being a medical student; It is called PATIENCE. Yes, I guess most of us do have that kind of quality, the difference is only about how the level of your patience is, and how you develop and maintain it even a worse thing happens in your life. When we had session with one of the hospital specialist of orthopedics in Muar, Mr. Riaz, he actually told us something, that we never think about it, about how the life of medical profession would be, and how will your journey continue. He didn't actually tell us in a direct way, as he spoke about it indirectly, talking about monthly salary of a doctor, from being a houseman, medical officer, specialist and until the level I have never heard about before. 

Back to the topic, being a medical student, I have to be patient almost all the time. 

1. Be patient in taking history of the patients in ward and entertain different kinds of behaviours the patients might have, for example, refuse you to take the history or to do examination. This is the most common scenarios that we, med students have encountered. Sometimes, the patient may shout at you, making irritating face you could never imagine, and even they harsh you with not-so-nice words. But, this is PRIORITY of your daily life as med student, unable to avoid it, by chance. Sometimes, I do feel a little bit tired of facing this, but then when I think back about why I choose this profession, then I try to instill back the patience in my heart, and try to do it with a honest heart I ever have, ignoring all those stuffs, taking it as a challenge. To be successful, you have to sacrifice a lot. 

2. Be patient when you are scolded by the lecturers, hospital staffs and all. These are one of the hardest thing  I found in me, to be achieved. :( I still remembered when I was in Sem 6, I teared when I was scolded by my medicine lecturer, during my end posting. I just couldn't bear it. But, it's okay. With that, I learnt something. Feeling so inferior when you are scolded by the lecturer saying that you are dumb, lazy ass and other stuffs are common things to us, medical students. Sometimes, we have studied, but yet, the lecturers expect more to come out from you. Hmm, yeah being called stupid, I can't really tolerate actually, but please remember, if they don't scold, I don't learn. :)

3. Be patient when you have to study a lot lot lot of things, from a thick thick of books. This is so cannot escape. Hehe. It's okay, refresh the niat. Study hard and smart! And one more thing, to complete studying isn't easy, sometimes, I have to be so motivated so that I don't stop in the middle of struggling. It's okay, get your spirit from your loved one, your parents and siblings. And the most important things, always pray to the Most Merciful, Allah swt. May He ease our way.

Maybe, that's all for now. I will continue later when I have time. Till then, Assalamualaikum. :)

Maybe.

What if. 

Don't ask me what if. I am scared of tears.

Please don't bother anymore, I am a little importance for now. 

Please don't matter, I am just a giant girl, yes, a giant girl with small role for anyone. 

Being inferior is the best, being the top surely I can't

Crumpling a faded note, with old wishes.

Let me hide somewhere, where no one can ever find, 

Maybe.

quote of the day.

Someone who really loves you will show you they want you, will prove that they need you, will remind you they love you. Will put you in the list, " To be in heaven,together,forever."








p/s : Bila kah jodoh itu akan datang semua nya kerja yang maha Esa, Kita manusia cuma jangan berhenti berdoa dan percaya pada kuasa Allah.   Bagaimana Allah mampu ciptakan pelbagai perkara berlainan rupa,sifat & personaliti.begitu juga kebahagiaan. Jangan terlalu berfikir sesuatu di luar jangkaan,tapi jangan pernah putus asa pada Allah yang maha memberi kebahagiaan.

Quoted by,    Dena Baharin. 

http://denakamarulbahrin.blogspot.com/

Not a word k!

DON'T SAY A WORD! Camwhore- ing tonite! Hahahahaha

The Birds, Wind and Leaf

The grasses on the wide field move right and left 24 hours continuously
The chirping of birds is heard, as if they asked for help
The wind that blows as calm as a deep night
When will the nature stops behaving as they used to do?
When will the wind stops blowing?
The truth isn't as nice as it seems
Whether you like it or not, it is there, no power to vanish them all


When a dead leaf falls from the tallest tree,
You may never notice the place where it belongs at first
Because it happens under man's will
It falls then it disappears through the ground,
Again by the blows of wind.

The birds, flying up high early morning looking for food
They never have broken spirit, and they never were
Routine day by day from the start of their hearts pumped
 Till the last breath they can make
How I wish to be like them, the birds
Flying free without thinking of the consequences
Without thinking that one day arrow of huntsman may hit them
They just fight, fight and fight
Let's make that happen
Let's be like the birds
Regardless of the ripped heart and stoned soul
We can be better, yes, better.