=)

Terharu nya :")

Thank you Allah :) 

May this love is permanent and grant us with your blessings, 

with numbers of pious children of ours  

and let our loves be towards You & You only 

till our last breath insyaAllah amin :)

How?

It's weird how people still remember and haunt by it but those who was d main 'actor' or 'actress ' actually already forgot about it and they have moved on so long back. I did. I had moved on and never even remembered good or bad things about it anymore. And I sometimes have thought that it never happened to me. It shows how 'not important' the memory was and not to say I was traumatized to it, I just don't care anymore. I knew I've been so foolish so long back falling for wrong people. And I made mistakes by falling for random people just to move away from you. Just wanted to forget u and denied all the feelings inside which were only for you not anyone else. I regretted and already forgot about the past. I want to treasure and pass these days with you till my last breath insyaAllah. Pardon me if most of the times I am the most terrible human being on worth with regards to hypersensitivity of emotion or even stupidity of my dark side or even jealousy for no reason. I don't want to make d mistakes I've made before. I may be worst human being at times but for whatever happen, I hope for a future with you, our kids and kins
.:)

10.

Us. :) 

Is 10 is our lucky number? :)

:(

Today,

 at this point of time,

I don't feel right 

and I feel so scared. 

I wonder why :(

Pallor vs. cyanosis

Anemia's Pallor vs Hypoxemia's Cyanosis

What is the difference between the causes of pallor and cyanosis?

Pallor = Pale
Cyanosis = Blue

Anemia causes Pallor.
Hypoxemia causes Cyanosis.

So what are the differences between the mechanism of Anemia and Hypoxemia?

Think of our blood as a giant River, a RBC as a Ferry, our hemoglobin as red Cars on the ferry, and oxygen as People.

RBC in Blood, represented by Ferry in River

Hemoglobin in RBC, represented by red Cars in the Ferry

Oxygen dissolved in blood, represented by People swimming in River

4 Oxygen bound to 1 Hemoglobin, which is in the RBC,
represented by 4 People in 1 red Car, which is on the Ferry.

What the ferry does is that it transports people from one place to another. (like how our RBC transports oxygen from our Lungs to our Tissues.)

The thing is, the red Cars are always on the ferry, never leaving it. And the ferry is so BIG that it can never go near the river bank, so People have to swim from the river bank onto the Ferry. (like how oxygen first have to get dissolved into blood first then only get into the RBC's Hb)

Once these People get on the Ferry, they instantaneously get into the red Cars, which can only fit 4 People per Car. (4 O2 molecules per hemoglobin)

The amount of People in the red Cars = the amount of Oxygen bound to hemoglobin.
The amount of People swimming in the River = the amount of Oxygen dissolved in the blood.

Cyanosis is seen when the red Cars, which have 4 seats, are not adequately seated with people, hence they are "people-empty".(like how our hemoglobin is not saturated with oxygen)

So what can cause our red Cars to be "people-empty"? Quite a number of things! Here are the examples of the 2 main causes.

Cause 1 : Very little People swimming in the River (low dissolved O2)
This can be due to problems at the River bank (alveolus). This causes less people jumping from the River bank into the River(less oxygen enters blood from alveoli). And therefore, there are less people swimming in the River, which leads to less People being on the Ferry.
There can be many problems which lead to less people jumping from River bank into River, such as people not being able to get to the River bank, or something is barricading the River bank, or there is no blood in the River etc. (these will be covered in a seperate post, stay-tuned!)

Cause 2 : The Car has been Transformed! (Methemoglobin)
Think Transformers! When the car is transformed, obviously there will be less People sitting in the seats. Infact, nobody can seat in the seats of a transformed car!

Those above are the causes of cyanosis, which happens when the red Cars are kinda "people-empty". Pallor, on the other hand, happens when there is lower number of red Cars on the Ferry. Less red Cars, less redder the Ferry is! You can have a million People swimming in the River, but if there are less red Cars on the Ferry, things are still gonna go pale!

Look at this Ferry, it has so little red Cars that..
..it made its surrounding go PALE!!

And hence, that's the analogy of the basic idea on what causes Pallor and Cyanosis. :)

P/s: credit to USMLE MADE INTERESTING FOR YOU AND ME

True love :)

"True Love"- PINK
(feat. Lily Rose Cooper)

Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say
Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face
There's no one quite like you
You push all my buttons down
I know life would suck without you

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

Just once try to wrap your little brain around my feelings
Just once please try not to be so mean
Repeat after me now R-O-M-A-N-C-E-E-E
Come on I'll say it slowly (Romance)
You can do it baby

At the same time, I wanna hug you
I wanna wrap my hands around your neck
You're an asshole but I love you
And you make me so mad I ask myself
Why I'm still here, or where could I go
You're the only love I've ever known
But I hate you, I really hate you,
So much, I think it must be

True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you

I think it must be love

Why do you rub me up the wrong way?
Why do you say the things that you say?
Sometimes I wonder how we ever came to be
But without you I'm incomplete

I think it must be
True love, true love
It must be true love
Nothing else can break my heart like
True love, true love,
It must be true love
No one else can break my heart like you (like you)
No one else can break my heart like you (like you)
No one else can break my heart like you

Doctor has no life is it?

Salam Ramadhan. Hey, all of a sudden just now, I have this thought about what am I gonna be a year later? Am I going to be a good doctor who treats patients well? Or am I gonna regret of getting into medical school? Or am I gonna complain about every single things that a doctor will face like lack of sleep, lack of nice food, and tonnes of works to be done? At this point of time, I don't have any idea what doctor I will become. Actually, LESS THAN A YEAR, I will be a doctor and I will be having Dr. title in front of my name. Dr. Nurul Fitrilina Bt Mustapa. What kind of doctor I will become, only Allah knows. I just hope and pray that I can be a very good doctor, never put a sigh in everything I do, keep on remembering THE ONE up there even in a busy day and do this job with an open heart and maintain the honesty. I know it's going to be hard, in fact if, Allah's will and I will be getting married even before housemanship, and by the time I will become a doctor, I will have to sacrifice a lot. Despite of busy works at the hospital with the on-call and all, I have to take care of my husband, make sure he gets what he needs, loves him and never tired of my responsibility. And again if Allah's will, if I get pregnant during housemanship too, a lot of things I have to bear. With my tired body with the baby kicking inside, I still have to take care of the patients too, never ever regret of what has destined.

Ya Allah, I know it is going to be hard, based on seniors' experiences I have seen, what they have put in their facebook statuses telling about how busy everyday is and how regret they entered medical school before, I can never give up. please Ya Allah give me strength and courage, to bear with this, and to hold this responsibilities as a doctor, as a Muslim in a good way possible, not only me but of course to my future husband too(insyaALLAH) so that we can be strong facing the hard time in future about the busy life as doctors and your slaves. I know, in fact, even now I have to get used to this busy life, make sure I don't mix the emotions with the works and I really have to do that, as I am known person who is so emotionally attached.

May Allah ease our journey, to my future husband and my friends too, so that we can be very good Muslim doctors in future to help ummah. Amin :)

Dysmenorrhea and infertility? Or no period pain may cause infertility?

Assalamualaikum I bid to everybody. It's 1946 in the evening, and actually at this time, I am supposed to break my fast but since I am not fasting (exception for women during ttttteettt period), so I am still lavishly blogging without even taking my bath yet. Never mind, after I take a bath later, lists of things I have to do actually.

• Tidy up my room and unpack things I bought in mydin just now.
• Lipat all my clothes that have dried.
• Open up a Paediatrics book and start studying. 

Well, yeah , a lot of things actually to be done for tonight. What for dinner? Hmm, I had just finished eating Dominos pizza at around 430 pm after I came back from shopping for food in Mydin. So, right now, my stomach is still full. And I bet, it will make a noise of hunger when it is around 11 pm at night later, and during the time, maybe snacks will do :)

Yeah, actually, the point I'm gonna write today is about one topic my friend suddenly made a statement when I talked to her about my back pain during menstrual period in which previously, I have never experienced any period pain. Her statement is like this, "Bagus la kan ko dah ada period pain, kalau xde period pain kan tak subur.." I made one kind of weird face all of a sudden, trying to object what she said. 'Monolog dalaman' in my heart goes like this, "Errr, ko nak cakap aku tak subur ke, sebab terang- terang memang aku tak perrnah ada period pain kot".. But, I replied in a firm and confident way. "Eh, x la, mana ada, even mak aku n adik beradik aku  yang lain tak pernah experienced period pain kot. Beranak je kat kitorang 5 beradik." And well yeah, my mom, didn't even have any period pain BEFORE. I have asked her, because I knew it is kinda weird cz most of my friends have period pain but I didn't. But then my mother replied, "Mak tak pernah ada period pain pun tiap kali period." Then I feel a bit relieved. Oh, okay hahaha. It is actually genetic kot, I made an assumption. 

And suddenly I think about something. Actually, those with severe period pain (dysmenorrhea) may have some kind of problems (not all, but just a small percentage of it), like endometriosis or adenomyosis in which in this condition, they may have very sever dysmenorrhea and sometimes dyspareunia (pain during sexual intercourse). And even those without any symptoms also can have these mentioned conditions. And even while googling, I tried to type, "Does those without dysmenorrhea may have infertility' and yet most articles turn out that questions people ask whether or not dysmenorrhea may cause infertility. 

That's all I'm gonna explain. Moral of the story: Don't worry if you have or don't have dysmenorrhea, it does not affect your infertility unless there is underlying problems. :)

Dark Side- Kelly Clarkson

#np Dark Side- Kelly Clarkson 


Oh oh oh, there's a place that I know
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone
If I show it to you now
Will it make you run away?

Or will you stay
Even if it hurts
Even if I try to push you out
Will you return?
And remind me who I really am
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Like a diamond
From black dust
It's hard to know
What can become
If you give up
So don't give up on me
Please remind me who I really am

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away
Just tell me that you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Don't run away
Don't run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay

Will you love me? ohh

Everybody's got a dark side
Do you love me?
Can you love mine?
Nobody's a picture perfect
But we're worth it
You know that we're worth it
Will you love me?
Even with my dark side?

Don't run away
Don't run away

Don't run away
Promise you'll stay


*p/s: everybody has their dark sides. Me too, no doubt. 

Ramadhan and paediatrics.

Now I am in paediatric posting already, dealing with kids, kids and kids! :D Nasib baik cecomel je mereka :))) I love kids, I do. For me, all kids are too cute, with their expressions, when listening to their babbling, and new words coming out from their tongues, and when they asked for food. So cute. :D Dapat main dengan anak orang dulu la, anak sendiri lambat lagi :D. Tomorrow I have another short cases with Prof Manon, and yeah she is scary you know. She could throw any random words just like that: rubbish, disgusting, idiots. just have to bear with these words. I knew initially, I don't like people throwing bad words to me, as I prefer they teach me in a right way , then only I will learn more without any stress. But as time goes by, I know that we don't get what we want kan? :) So, I just accept for whatever words they might throw, I just accept it with open hearts. Because I know that a lot of very very bad random words may come out from the superior later when I have started working as housemanship. I could use this as my practice kan, practice to bear harsh words :) Especially in this blessed month of Ramadhan. Oh ya, alhamdulillah I love Ramadhan :) trying to improve what I am lacking. ;) 

And I have a bad dream last night :( Oh Allah, please avoid me with those dreams, and please protect me and my beloved ya Allah, and please ease our plans, and I know the best planner of all is YOU, the almighty. 

Oh, ya, that's all for now. ;)

Mirrors

I know I have mentioned about this: There are two things that made me so easily shed my tears off. You and my family. And it's obviously, undeniably true. Even a single little thing, don't even relate to me, I will cry or maybe the least is, my eyes get just watery a bit. It hurts you know when something wanders your heart but you are not able to let out to others as it is about your family. Even worse is, when you can't tell your family about what you've been feeling as you don't want to hurt them or you want to burden them.

One solution now is, let me put a distance a bit from them, because I know, hearing their voice is just enough to make me cry. I don't want them to know. I really don't want them to know. Then, tak balik it is. Stuck here then, it's okayy fit.. you are strong enough for this :')

#np Mirrors- Justin Timberlake

Aren't you somethin' to admire, cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and the glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always parallell on the other side


Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


Aren't you somethin', an original, cause it doesn't seem merely assembled
And I can't help but stare cause I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you, you reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time


Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me


Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you baby, it was easy
Comin' back into you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me


You are you are the love of my life


Baby you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are


You are you are the love of my life

Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do

You are you are the love of my life

a lot of difference

It wasn't like this way when it was about others, but when it is you, I am so emotionally attached. As in when things go too much of a great things, or even if things go wrong, my tears tank easily get filled. It is not when we are in this relationship, it happened even before than that. It just happened even when I got to know you, when we were teenagers back then, or when we were so young, still in the fairytale kinda things. (as for me). I, sometimes, questioned myself, when you were not yet mine, and when I was confused with my feelings, and when I didn't know whether you really have a 'thing' for me or not, I questioned myself did you the right one for me? Did you my soul mate, the word I keep hearing in a movie, even in what people's say. I prayed and asked THE ONE up there, was he really soul mate of mine? Because I didn't want things to be happening before. I made a lot of mistakes. I did. I easily got dumped. Yes, I knew it was kinda a weakness I have, that I told you already, but that was it. That was about it. Not once or not twice I've been in the same shoes over and over again. I've been there for quite so many times, and even my friends noticed it and they advised me not to easily put trust on men. Because you know, they are men. Men and their lies can't be separated or men with their sweet words are best friends. (I'm not talking about all men, it was about most of the men. :) But with you, it was different. I knew that. I knew that all along. But ever since all those mistakes I made, I tend not to easily put trust on men and that's why I think having crush on you back then was a mistake.

Truth to be told, things happened, explained itself. And yes, you are really really different from those men out there, or those men I've ever been with. You are different. And yes, it is in a good way. And here you are, with me, and still counting, insyaALLAH and ameen I shall say. :)

I don't know why I put this one up, or why this kind of post was produced. Maybe because this simple thing that happened, I couldn't go out with you having western food that I've been dreaming eating since morning, craving for it, but it turned out that, yeahh you couldn't make it. And just yet, the tank of tears filled all of a sudden. And that was why this post was published.

 One thing to stress here, even a small little thing does shake my emotion when it is about you, either good or sad one :") *P/s: Never mind , I am just fine, maybe next time we can have our western food together please? I am so craving of it. And yet for tonight, maggi it is :) It's okay, as long as my stomach is filled.

That's all I'm outta here, because I'm gonna make my dinner. Salam