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Friday, July 27, 2012

Syukur

Syukur. Just a simple word but, we tend to ignore it, we tend to avoid it and just take it for granted. Have we ever thought that each day that passes, we live in this world if His with all those gifts and blessings from The Almighty? Have we ever thanked HIM for this? For giving us the chance to breath every second? Honestly, no. Yes, I am sorry if I kinda being so opened and rude, but it is true. Maybe when we wake up from the sleep early morning we will remember and thank Allah for His kindness. We say syukur and syukur,  the word keep dancing on our lips, but as the day passes, when we reach the night, all of these have gone, far away, far far away. We forget, and yes, the cycle begins.

Syukur. Reflected to my life, I experienced a lot of things lately. So that, I keep reminded that Allah s.w.t plans everything and what I can do is just tawakal for what I have done. Last Thursday, I had this end of posting examination which was ophthalmology and when I came to the OPD, I was told that Hospital Consultant, Dr. Choo will take my end posting. My heart pumped so fast, I was just so nervous, yeah because I never met this doctor. At all. I didn't what was his style and how I could tackle the questions being asked. What I did was just leave everything to Him. While entering to the examination room, I was asked to examined posterior segment of the eye of a Chinese man., late 50. I picked my ophthalmoscope from my labcoat pocket, starting with the distant direct ophthalmoscopy technique. Red reflex was seen both sides, but I mentioned to him I saw opacities on the right eye, and when I asked the patient to move his eyes, it seemed that the opacities moved opposite to the eye movement suggestive of lenticular opacity. He made one kind of facial expression that I couldn't understand.

Then I continued with the visualization of the retina. First thing I saw was the optic disc, then I looked at the blood vessels but they all seemed normal to me. But when it came to the inferior part of the retina, I could some kind of pigmentation, first I thought it was the PRP (pan retinal photocoagulation) scar but since the shapes were weird, I just simply said it was the macular photocoagulation. Again, that facial expression was made and it was very clear this time. I stumbled. Then I was asked to examine other patients' anterior segment, and I messed all of that, since I missed the ACIOL (anterior chamber intraocular lens), but luckily I managed to see the bleb and peripheral iridectomy. O Allah. Only He knew my feelings that time, one thing that came across my mind was that: SURELY I WILL FAIL. I was not confident at all giving my answers, I just stunted, I didn't know why. But Allah s.w.t sent this somebody to remind me to read Quran more, find the meanings, maybe I could be calm after that. He was right, yes, I was calm, felt relieved and tawakal. The feeling was so pure.

All night long I was accompanied with the tears and regret-fullness of what I have done. Why I didn't well? Why I couldn't see it? Why? I forgot about tawakal. Why I questioned all of that, since all have happened? I should have just prayed hoping that Allah will grant good good things? Instead, I cried and regretted of things that happened. :(

The next day in the afternoon, my groupmate texted me saying that all of us have passed the ophthalmology examination. Alhamdulillah. I smiled and thanked Allah s.w.t for granting my prayers. But, I was so eager to see the exact short cases mark minus the other assessment. I made my way to the admin building, went to the pasted notice board. There it was. The result. And as I expected, I obtained the least mark for short case, 25/50. Ya Allah, what kind of test you wanted to test me? Because throughout the postings I didn't have any problem visualizing the findings but on that particular day, I became lost and blanked, forgot everything I learnt. Why all my friends didn't have the problems I did? Why? Again those questions popped up into my tiny mind. I forgot that I should say 'SYUKUR' since at least I have passed, that is what that matters the most, the marks weren't that important. But, that was me, a person who really need constant reminder about 'SYUKUR'. I cried again and again, and HE sent me this somebody to remind me that I should be 'SYUKUR'. Everything has been planned by HIM. Maybe during the examination, the best student before get the most difficult case then he/ she fails, but the average student gets the easy cases and because of that he/she passes. We never know. What we have to do is doa, tawakal and syukur.  

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