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Sunday, April 1, 2012

chill la!

Just realized something today.

I really couldn't tolerate if people talk with the harsh voices to me, I really couldn't.

I had pra-test today. That was an annoyed moment, I felt like bursting out the fire. The hill and the parking went well even I made a slight mistakes during the 3-corner part. But, when it came to the road which before this I could do well, better than hill, parking and 3-corner, the irritating moments began. I was the first to go with this pakcik. The only pakcik that has the license to do the pra-test, so I can't change to other person if I wish to do so later if in case I FAILED again.

I knew that he is the teacher in that particular driving school, although he didn't teach me, but then can't you behave and say something good without hurting others?
Previously, I could do well on the road, I really can ( bukan nak membangga diri or what) tapi that's it. But then, when it came to the test, at first when he was in a perfect silence, I could do every single steps without missing, but then when I reached the first traffic light and when my engine's car first stopped, he started yelling! He yelled at me and I really couldn't tolerate that!!! I felt so pissed off, but hmm, that was it.

I held my feelings, till I felt cracked inside, and when I reached the place back, then suddenly mo routine driving teacher came and asked me, "Macamana? Okay kan?" He said that with a smile in his face. Then only, my tears came out, running down my fast very fast, unable to control anymore. It hurts, and he was really mean. The mean teacher called me, then said something about how reckless I was on the road, I couldn't control the gear, I made the car stopped in the middle of the journey 4 times and bla bla although before this I was confident on the road, even not fully at least. I still teared that time, and I knew that he noticed it. I just nodded and didn't say a word. Then I walked out the room without saying thank you to him. I was so pissed off, really. I knew I was mean for not saying thank you, but which  one was more me, me not saying thank you, or he shouted at me so much till I couldn't concentrate and focus from the beginning of the journey to the end?

Maybe, I was a bit mengada- ngada, but I still couldn't accept the harsh yellings by him. Before this, maybe I could but that was the maximum point I think. My next pre-test would be this Tuesday. I didn't book for the practice before the pre- test. Lantak la. Fine if you want to fail me again, because I knew you have marked my face as 'budak loser tak pandai bawak kereta.' Label la, aku dah tak kisah. Bukan salah aku. Mungkin lepas ni, aku just try je buat, pekakkan apa yang dia cakap, sebab aku dah malas layan orang yang high voice ni. Seriously. Bukan nak cakap orang Melaka kasar, tak semua, tapi this time, it proves that most of citizens of Malacca acted like that, I noticed. Maaf pada orang Melaka yang lain.

After telling it to my mom, I was a bit calm. She said, it's okay, just try the best after this, and if possible try to change other cikgu. Hihi. Mak comel sangat. If only I can do it, but I can't. He is the only one who in-charge. Takpela, sabar jela, kalau Allah nak bagi aku lulus, lulus la, and kalau Allah dah tetapkan aku fail jugak, aku terima.

*Actually, aku super sedih super koyak ni, banyak sebab sebenarnya. Sebab high voice is the trigger. Sebab lain, sebab penat menunggu, penat booking since November 2011, penat lagi sebab before this aku penah amik half way tapi tak sempat habiskan. If let's say, I pass this Tuesday, I have the thought to go back home later, but if I can't make it, and he fail me again, I might stay here again, struggling to get the license again. Routine. Penat. Hmm.

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