simsimi :D

Letter to you, love.

I feel so weak, so so weak. I feel gloom, tired, bad and unfortunate. This morning I was just okay, thinking that you were okay, but you weren't. The tears keep raining now and then, trying to hold but failure overtakes me. Sometimes, I feel like my pulse is not there, hiding out somewhere even I can't find. I don't blame you, not at all. I love you, that's for sure, no doubt at all. I love you so so much. I am sorry if I hurt you with my words, I didn't mean like that, my first intention just to share with you my feelings, that's it. I didn't want to keep even a single thing in my heart and mind without you knowing because I am so deeply in love with you.

I know, you may need sometimes your own, some precious time alone, I can't stop that. But, it just hurt me, thinking that you are not okay somewhere, and the reasons are because of me. :( Truly from my heart I am sorry. Take your time as long as you can, go and find your peace, because my little me sometimes gives you nothing but sadness and guilty you felt, although it is not at all your fault, I tell you. Please be happy and cheer up again, the way that I used to know you. Your friends, they maybe the place where you may find some peace and calmness, surely not me at this time. Don't you worry about me, I am okay, these tears which run along my cheek throughout this writing will soon get evaporated and lost, let me weep my tears with my leftover of spirit I got.

Get back to me, when you feel like to, when you head is already cleared from sadness I made. I just want you to know, I don't mind saying it thousands or trillion times, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, and will always love you for the rest of my life, till I totally lose my pulse which may be hiding forever. Ya Allah, please take care of him, avoid him from any pain, release him from any sadness, and fullfill his life with joy and laughter and of course, Your bless. Take care, my dear, be happy and smile, that's the precious thing about you that I love.

Till then, goodbye and assalamualaikum. =)

P/s: Actually, I have to study for the test, but I don't feel like to, I just can't think right now, I am too weak. I just hope the remaining evening that is left will be better than half the day that have passed. :)

Dream

Mungkin bakal ada cerita yang akan aku hasilkan. Cerita tentang kisah yang lahir dalam jiwa aku, ilham dari aku, mungkin dan mungkin tidak dari kisah aku sendiri. Dia yang bakal cipta plot cerita ini, dan aku lah penterjemahnya mungkin. Kisah ini tak akan habis, malah akan terus dan terus berjalan seperti masa yang berputar dengan laju. Kisah aku, kisah kau, dan kisah kita. :)

Don't you think that this is our dream back then? I mean, still now and always. Only with you :)

:)

You are always in my doa, ALWAYS. Not even a single day I forget. :")

May Allah s.w.t ease our ways and plans.

Amin..

me mature? or me childish?

Salam to all. When I tweeted about I wanted to change from childish thought to a mature one, two people commented. So, I am just thinking, am I too childish before, or the kind of response, 'you REALLY SHOULD be MORE MATURED afterwards', or there were just comments? Well, I admit myself that I am one kind of person who act childish, think childish and speak childishly. Even I am the eldest in the family, that doesn't mean I talk like adults. Some people even compare me with my little sister ( 1 year younger than me) saying that, she is more matured than me, is she? For the first impression of people towards me, usually, they'll never say I am the eldest one, and MOST of them say, I am the youngest! Can you imagine that? Yeah, I know, that's quite hurting you know, when you wish to be labelled the same age that you are now, but it turns out to be that, you are labelled far way younger than that.

And I knew the other one reason why people used to have the thought like that: I CRY a lot, even a simple thing, I get nervous when I lost my things, I can't think properly when it comes to an urgent situation, I prefer to follow what my heart says at the very first time, even I know that is not the right decision to follow. I make a lot of mistakes. I get easily stumbled, and one obvious thing, I am too dependent to people, I can't make decision myself. But, honestly, about the last part, I am getting to be independent day by day. I think I changed a lot since I noticed about my dependent-ness to others especially my family. Now, I can make decision my own, I don't mind about mistakes anymore, but one thing I can't change: I still love love love love to cry over simple things. Those days I used to cry alone, nobody even cares but I felt kinda calm because whatever happened HE is always there to listen.:") These days, I have you, yeah you know who you are. You are always there when I need you.

Speaking about changing my attitude to a mature one, well I really meant it. Maybe the time has come. ( Serious la pulak bunyi nya. :P) But, anyway, I am serious. I am 23 already, I have to be firm about this, considering that now I am in the 'class of adult' already.

I am not changing my old me, I mean, my characters, I just want to change the way I look at something, before this maybe I tend to take simple thing lightly, laugh a lot, but maybe after this even a simple thing I have to consider good and bad, up and down.

And actually, one other MAIN reason I want to be more matured is because of one other secret reason. Yeah , as the name suggest, SECRET, I am so not gonna tell it here. ;P.

Owh, by the way, I already bought P sticker, yeah P! I know it doesn't seem so cool, but, I still have to pretend to be uncool for a while, or else, hot. Haha. 2 years I have to live with this P, but ahhh never mind, 2 YEARS ONLY! :)))

Owh, since I have not yet uploaded pictures regarding my ortho posting, here some of the pictures, I wish to share. :)

Notice me. Haha. Nak gak enterprem. Dekat fisioterapi.

me so TEMBAM!!!

Dr. Amit yang cool .:)

Learnt the techniques of casting

dengan abang physiotherapist yang pelat R tapi comel. ;p

alia with her cute smile ;)

toys for paediatric group in physiotherapy

The story of virus

Hey, it's me. I have one story. Please back off if you don't feel like reading. This is no fun, only a fact of life, I mean, my life. And do continue if you are bored, don't have anything to do.

It was all begun about two years, somewhere the place cannot be mentioned. As I have mentioned, I am me, a soul and body of a girl, still intact so far, not yet wandering around. I was protected, with lots of antibodies and B and T cells if some foreign materials came and attacked. Although some kinds of foreign bodies have come, I managed to fight off them, and still survived, and yet still smiling.

One day, without I ever noticed, one strange virus has come to me, known as OU virus. If you flipped your Microbiology textbook, you will never find this such virus, even until tomorrow. It was found to be harmless, but there's one thing that made me attracted to this virus, I didn't know why. It felt kinda weird though, because, it was a virus, but still I couldn't get off it! I tried so hard, my body built so many antibodies, and my T  helper and T killer cells were all there, marching towards one aim, to destroy the OU virus.

For the very first time, I couldn't fight this virus, I really couldn't. All my armies have given up, finally this OU virus invaded me, fully. I didn't know what to act at that time, I just prayed so that, it disappeared but, all my hard works didn't seem to be successful. For the very first time, the invaded virus, OU has made many changes to my life, the positive one. At first, I didn't notice, but as time went by, the changes were all so clear. I just love this virus. I know! It was a virus, why the hell I should be loving it? Hmm, but that's the truth. I LOVE OU Virus. Then, as time passed by, it seemed to get comfortable with my surroundings, my environment. I love it, and I know OU love it too. :).

Good things never lasted. One fine day, we got far and far and finally, the virus seemed unnoticed, in me, my body and soul. I knew, it left many bits of traces of itself, but I didn't have the guts and spirits to put them back to where they belonged, I was so tired to complete the puzzle that the virus has made. :(. Off it went. That was it.

But, I guess my prayers have been heard. Then again, after so long of disappearance, the OU virus has come invaded me, and this time, it felt so strong, even the lightening of fire, or strong rock couldn't break it off. With secondary immunization, surprisingly, the OU virus was detected as own, not foreign. Now, it terrorizes all parts of my body and soul, especially, the pumping heart. It stays there, releasing good things known as four-letters thingy. Yeah, four-letters. I get brighten again, as the day passes. No other virus can do that, apart from OU virus. Maybe, all other viruses are there trying to invade, maybe, but please stop wasting time trying, because this OU virus is so strong, building its castles in me. OU virus, please be there, don't go, please invade me. I need you to be immunized and strong. I need you to fight off many things. I need you for who you are. I don't mind what people might say, I just need you. ONLY YOU. And that OU virus, Only You virus.

P/S : That four- letters, only for you :)

Sunathon Circumcision Technique

 Salam. I am not here this weekend, I mean just for Saturday. I joined one kind of programme, organized in collaboration between my college and CUCMS about the Sunathon ( stands for Sunat and Marathon) or circumcision technique held in CUCMS ( Cyberjaya University College of Medical Sciences). Alhamdulillah, it was a great opportunity to learn about the technique, as I was previously not really exposed about this. Since we are Muslims and soon to be doctor, having the chance to learn about circumcision was a good thing to do. I've got the certificate already, and those who want me to perform circumcision procedure can contact me. Haha, not the part of dissection that we are allowed to do, since we don't have the license yet to perform any surgery. I can only help in injecting LA (local anasthetics including marcain 2ml and lignocaine 2 ml), clean and drap and also the suturing part. :)

Mun, Alia and I. :)

And today, I spent my day by sleeping and watching movie, so not productive way of life. I knew, but what to do, I was just too lazy!!! T_T. Come on, it's weekend. :p and one of the movie was The Notebook. Actually, I have watched the movie earlier, but today when I browsed my lappy, I again found this movie, and decided to watch it again. And for the second time I cried, the last part where they were still together. ;( 

Wish to watch it again with my loved one. ;)

favourite scene. In the lake, with the swan. ( but there was no swan in this picture)

SRK got into a fight?

It's been such a long time since I posted about my second lover, Shah Rukh Khan. And yeah, suddenly, while browsing the news in B.Harian, I just found out this news. Notice the mistakes:

P/s: He's not a singer thou' !! 

Flaw Vs. Talent

Salaam everybody. How's the day treating you guys? I just hope that everything goes very well okay?:) Yeah, today, I want to talk about something kinda serious, err not so serious actually, but a bit away from the things that I usually posted in my blog, something related to the human nature, or truth is human fact, that nobody can change that, because like common saying that we've been heard so many times, NOBODY'S PERFECT.

Actually, what I am about to tell, is something that happened today, to me and my friends. I just didn't understand, why some people are acting so weird, although they are living in a community, they are actually supposed to mingle and try to fit the environment of society, not to condemn and act like the society which belong to all, is actually theirs only, not anyone else. I'm guessing that, you are still not understand my point, right? hehe, well, to make thing easier, let me straight to the point. The society actually refers to the hostel while some people , refer to the students, who live in the hostel, who happen to be part of my friends indeed. Some people that I've mentioned earlier are mad, over a noisy sound (referring to the people chit-chatting while waking along the hostel's rooms) just outside their rooms, which their responses were like, making 'ssshhhh' sound as if, WE WERE ALL IN THE LIBRARY. Oh, come on! You was making 'sshhhh' sound at the evening around 5.30 p.m which was usually, the time students got back from hospital posting, and usually the time WE ( including) wanted to go out to play! Not like you, staying in your room, sleeping. It's actually acceptable, if the noises come out during the night, in which maybe you want to study but since it was IN THE EVENING, it is so irrelevant! This was not the first time. It had happened so many times, before, but I just shut my mouth up, just trying to be nice, but since it happened again, I can't  tolerate more. I really feel like knocking her door, telling her, to stop sleeping in the evening, or if you are really that desperate to sleep, do that, without shouting back at us, who are just passing by your room, to play, or to get back to our room after the hospital posting. And this group of ladies have some kind of disturbing attitude during the class, that's why I was so crossing them or mean word, ANNOYED because of their 'shhhh' act. Their attitude in class was so so relevant if we were trying to be mad. Shouting, laughing out loud while the lecturer was teaching in front was so immature. Come on, if you are' that mature 'to make the 'shhh' sound, think back about your attitude in class, don't you think that lecturer might be offended? These people really get my nerves. Cannot tolerate anymore.

Second situation: Not my situation, but my friend's. She was trying to make a conversation with somebody about something that require the help from that somebody, and this somebody happens to be one of the high committee member, good at sports, beautiful and good in academics. But, surprisingly, her response was like, 'so not good!' She made an unpleasant response, like, 'what the hell you want from me???" My friend was like, errr it's okay, she then made her move, away from her, pissing off a bit, she really didn't expect her response was like that, since she is one of the person who hold people's respect. That's so weird right? Why don't you say something nice, people will label you as good person, you will be prayed, and you will have that advantages in barakah. Hmm.

That were the two situation. Reflecting back about the topic, nobody is perfect, manusia itu tidak sempurna, then I try to think positive. Although you think that you are too perfect for everything, just remember, in between the perfectness, there lies the flaws that you may not even realized. And I believe that I do have flaws, and I'm sorry for all the unnoticed flaws. =)

Rindu

Kadang- kadang, perasaan rindu itu datang.

Tanpa dipinta, perasaan itu hadir, menggugat jiwa, hati berbuah sayu,

Ya, aku rindu, tersangat rindu.

Pada kau, kau dan tentu sekali kau.

Bila boleh kita ketemu macam waktu dulu?

Bicara sampai mulut terasa penat, dan ketawa sampai hilang isi suara?

Aku tidur, kau mencuri memandang tepat ke mataku,

Aku buka mata, kau masih ada,

Hati aku terlalu bahagia, tiap permandangan kita terokai sama- sama,

Hujan di luar tidak pernah mengganggu,

Perjalanan yang indah, walau biasa namun luar biasa bila adanya kamu.

Dan kau- kau pula, menanti di suatu tempat,

Cukup sekadar melihat, hati rasa mahu jerit kesukaan,

Tangan dan tangan yang bersentuhan bersalaman membuat aku rasa terlalu sayang pada kalian

Tangan- tangan itu lah yang membesarkan aku sampai aku yang sekarang,

Ucapan terima kasih tidak cukup.

Namun kalian tidak pernah berkira.

Tunggu suatu saat, lepas tamatnya perjuangan ini,

Kalian akan tersenyum bangga denganku.

Dan lagi, kau- kau yang lain,

Yang ada di saat aku ketawa, nangis dan bahagia,

Darah yang mengalir dalam badan kita semua serupa, tidak ada beza,

Kerana kita berkongsi darah dan daging, walau nadinya lain,

Sayangnya aku pada kamu tiada tandingan.

Jadi,

Pada kau, kau dan kau,

Aku ulang, untuk kesekian kalinya,

Aku rindu. =(

Wordless Wednesday

I am ME

And, there it is. Unexplained and indescribable. And even it doesn't need an explanation. :)

I'm better off this way, because this is who I am, I just appreciate the way I am.

Who cares, I maybe insensitive in some issues, too sensitive most of the time, dull and boring, and even I

maybe weird, I don't laugh too much when I don't want to, I even burst as hell if I want to, whoever I will be, I

am who I am.

Thank you who appreciate me the way I am.

:)

Jaguh Badminton

jaguh badminton. =)

Iman

Iman manusia turun dan naik.

That's the topic for today, I don't know, it suddenly pops up through my mind, while I was studying just now. Yeah, true that. We've listened so many times about this, and even in fact, sometimes, I do feel that kinda thing, it is actually quite a different I could see when my Iman went up or down, very obvious one.

Most of the time, if the iman goes very very low, even to perform the second Rukun Islam which is Salah, sometimes, a bit 'liat' to move to the toilet for full ablution. If I heard the azan, half an hour after that, I would make my way to perform the prayer, although I didn't have things to do in between. Teruk kan?:( Kadang- kadang, ini yang terjadi, sebab kita manusia, kita ni cepat leka kalau tak diingatkan. Yeah, reminder. Remind to own- self, PLEASE bear in mind what's the main objectives of us, living in this world. Refer back Al- Quran.
We live in this world for two main reasons:

• As a Khalifah to all the creatures
• 'Ibadah' to Allah The Almighty.

Actually, frankly speaking, a lot of things we, human being, muslim needs to improve. We have to make things clear in our mind about this. Pray to Allah s.w.t to strengthen our iman because He will always hear our prayers. ( Al- Mujeeb: Fulfiller of Prayer.)

me sorry.

I'm sorry for my sudden act.

I know it hurts you, been thinking about this so many times, sian kamu. :(

Will never do that again. I swear! :)

and just so you know, 


I I I smurf smurf smurf smurf smurf you you you so very very very MUCH. =)


*now playing: Untouchable- Taylor Swift.

One word, the secret one.

It takes me half an hour to think,
Why I have the thought, a hurting one,
My mind is trying to positively judge,
But my heart says otherwise,
That one word, that kills us all if it rules
Women, as a matter of fact possess more,
But, so do the men,
I tear a little, a little, a little
Heart gets soft and progressively brittle
'Don't be ridiculous, this is friendship!'
But, still, a minor ache controls my night
From negative pole, forcing it to be the positive one,
Healing is not a tough process, is it?
Internal monologue of own-self questions
Don't worry, it will heal.,
And for that one word, it will not be revealed,
Let me keep it deep in my dull typical heart of mine. :)

event

Something happened in the class today.

And even now, I can't stop smiling.

Semangat semangat semangat!!!! (^___^)

blabla

Hey there, salaam. :) Somebody asked me to update my blog, so well, here I am again. Hee. Now I am in Orthopaedic posting, yeah done for the first day, knee examination, so far everything went well, hopefully it will stay d same till the end of this posting. I kinda like this posting, seems interesting, and plus the ortho professor said that, those who wanted to become orthopedician must have very strong hands. Haha ! Kinda cool rite, if you join this department. Hehe, I will be as strong as rock. :D

nothing much, just my project today's evening. haha. usrah's project. :p

Referring to the above photo, I have spent this whole evening to finish up my usrah homework. Yeah, it may seem simple but, actually quite tough for me you know, for someone who are not creative like me. I had to struggle about the colouring part. You know what keeps on circling my mind everytime I talk, listen, watch about art: Why the hell I cannot be a creative fellow since I am left- handed person, because I have heard that left-handers tend to use their right brain more than left, which means, they tend to be more artistic, but in my case ( I am a left0-handed person) I am zero- artistic person. Sedih kan? :( Keep thinking what is my advantage actually? or may talent? Ape eyh? Takkan takde? T_T.

Anyway, speaking about new posting, I have a lot of things to be improved. To change from commed to ortho is a bit shocked, but not really actually, cz just like commed, ortho is labelled as one of the relaxed posting, but still there are too many new things we gotta learn in ortho posting, so I cannot waste my time like I did back then during commed. I'm thinking about making a daily timetable, timetable here I mean, the study timetable. Maybe I will become istiqamah after this, and that is what i want actually. InsyaAllah, I will try my best! Nak lepas P2S1 in time, and I wanna be a doctor in time! Tak nak repeat or suppli. Takut! :( Ya Allah, please ease our way. Amin.

And one more thing to be updated, I registered myself to be joining Sunathon program. ( Sunathon refers to sunat or circumcision with marathon). A good choice actually, rather than curling in the blanket whole day. At least, I have something to do in the weekend( 19/5/2012) and plus, I can achieve new knowledge which I'll never learn during routine posting. Alhamdulillah:)

ugly truth

Sometimes, I just can't bear the tears from falling. It just happened, as if I had no control over it. When I see pain in your eyes, it hurts me deeply inside too, I know it may sound lame and weird, but that's what happened to me most of the time. I can't listen to your voices when I know there are hurts beneath the voices, and that hurt is caused by me. Please don't ask me why I feel that way, even I cannot explain about it. I admit that I am someone who is easily crying over little things, but nowadays, I less likely to cry over that small things, not even with regards to the matter of friends, but truth is, I teared when it came to you, you and of course my family too. Avoiding is one way I try to do when I'm hurt by you but it can't last. I usually feel pity to you, get to you back as soon as possible. And if you are hurt by me, I did the same thing, in which I don't think it seems fair enough rite, because you are the one who are hurt by me, why I am the one who try to avoid you?

I am so sorry for acting childish all the way, for repetitively cry over simple matters, and easily get hurt. I am me, this way, silly I know, but I can't change that fact, as what once House mentioned that, women are programmed to be sensitive over small little things. Yeah, something like that.

I've tried to hide those tears, but I can't most of the time, when I am with you. It comes out so easily, even before I was talking to you, everything seems fine. ( not fine actually, I mean deep in the heart).

Accept me for the way I am. It's the ugly truth, I know, but that is me. Pity you, need to handle a sensitive creature like me. :( I am so sorry.

That's my ugly truth. Very ugly truth. Whatever it is, ily. Always, ily.

Forgot to mention, just finished eop today. Berserah.

And plus, I have watched Avengers. I prefer Iron- Man. Handsome guy with great sense of humour. That what makes me melted in the cinema. 

pre- commed eop

• Avengers
• Shopping
• House M.D Season 7
• Denyut Kasih Medik

Currently, those are my boosters for commed eop. Okay, berusaha! (^_^)