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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

layman.

I know I am not a good human being. I am not noble, not even great person. I am a common somebody who don't have anything to be proud of so far. I have a typical daily routine that I follow that have nothing to be satisfied about. Sometimes I talk about others behind, sometimes I say bad things, sometimes I am so not grateful of what I already have. I am me.

Even in studies, most of the time I sigh a lot, I comment about the hectic medical student life, I comment about the lecturers even I know I am not supposed to do so.:( My mom once said to me:
"Kak, cikgu ni pekerjaan paling mulia. Apa pun yang kadang-kadang depa buat, macam terpukul, termarah, tertinggi suara, depa buat untuk kebaikan anak-anak didik dia. Sebab depa ada mission. Nak semua students depa cemerlang dan jadi orang berguna masa depan." Those times, I didn't appreciate of all what she said. Even now, sometimes I do comment about lecturers, I get mad to the lecturers. Owh, how bad I am.:( And thankful to Him, I still have the thought that what I did was wrong. I have the thought that I want to change the part that I suppose to change about myself. I wish to not even sigh in studies when it comes to thousands of works to be done esp. in this medical field because I realise that life is still long. There are millions of obstacles are waiting along the journey. Life will never be the same. Later, I will get MBBS degree
( insyaALLAH) and that time, the responsibilities will be even more like hard time during work, etc.Hopefully, I don't treat the responsibilities as some kind of burden. Hopefully.

Then, in relationship, I shall say, I am not a perfect-noble-great woman in terms of qualities. I easily get jealous, tend to have bad thoughts when I keep thinking about futures and etc. Especially the jealousy part, I can't help it. I am so jealous even a little thing. I know, sometimes I have to be matured enough and be professional. But, yeah, things happen and we just can't help it.:(  maybe after this, I'll try my best to be as professional as I should be. =.=.  Maybe this time, tolerate and understanding between both is important. Don't worry, I will try my best.:)

All in all, I know maybe people may say back to me: Nobody is perfect, accept of who you are. I agree with that, but from some points I hope all my negative thoughts will revert to positive someday. All of these are for my own good and people around me. By the way, just so you know, I love you all and will always do. :)

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